Ant Farmer's January 2006

1 New Year’s Day. New York City annexes The Bronx (1874). Joe Pesci’s ancestors snarl, “Whatta you lookin’ at?”

2 Brigham Young arrested for having 25 wives (1872); authorities express awe.

3 Leonardo da Vinci unsuccessfully tests flying machine (1496); his overhead luggage compartment experiment, however, goes off without a hitch.

4 Trivia Day; Exclusively for those who know this day exists.

5 Twelfth Day of Christmas; Twelve drummers drummed out of corps.

6 Epiphany. Realize this is as good as it gets.

7 Boris Godunov seizes Russian throne (1598); 361 years later, Boris Badenov seizes Moose and Squirrel.

8 LBJ declares a “War on Poverty “(1964); Poverty declares victory that same year.

9 Marines invade Honduras (1912). No one is sure why.

10 Masterpiece Theatre debuts on PBS (1971); BBC refuses to reciprocate with American Network Crap Theater.

11 1st recorded snowfall in Los Angeles (1949); “It was so cold that...”

12 HAL, the computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey becomes operational (1992); Windows 3.1 makes it crash.

13 1st live radio broadcast is from the Metropolitan Opera (1910). Due to low ratings, the following night’s broadcast is a sports call-in show.

14 Kites flown for Makar Sankranti in India, get tangled in arms of statue of Kali.

15 The Boston Molasses Disaster kills 21 very, very slow people (1919).

16 Martin Luther King Day; Bill Bennett endorses black assassination.

17 Ferdinand Marcos becomes President for Life of the Philippines (1973). “President” lasts until 1986, “Life” until 1989.

18 X-ray machine exhibited for 1st time (1896); X-Ray Specs still decades away.

19 Howard Hughes sets record, flying LA to NY in 7 hrs., 28 mins. and 25 secs. (1937). His luggage is never found.

20 Inauguration Day. Well, okay, not this year, but, you know.

21 Newt Gingrich disciplined for House ethics misconduct (1997). No pork for a week.

22 1st British colonists reach New Zealand (1840), begin filming Lord of the Rings.

23 Coin toss to name Oregon city Portland not Boston (1851). Damp came in 3rd.

24 Christian K. Nelson patents Eskimo Pie (1922); Aleuts file defamation suit.

25 Default on 1st Christmas credit card bill (1950).

26 Australia Day. Throw another little person on the barbie.

27 Boxer Rebellion in China (1900): Shih Tzu remain calm.

28 1st US ski tow begins operation in Vermont (1938). 1st jerk with lift ticket pinned to parka spotted in New York City the next week.

29 Chinese New Year; Year of the Dog, aka Seven Years of the Man.

30 Romeo and Juliet performed for the 1st time (1595); Liz Smith loves it.

31 Nauru declares independence from Australia (1968), and vows to continue to do so until someone notices.

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	Sixty years after the 1st Baby Boomer was born, America’s tweenior approaches Life’s bitter winter with upper lip stiff (Botox), resolve firm (Viagra) and heart racing (Venti Espresso.)
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		JANUARY 2006 1 New Year’s Day. New York City annexes The Bronx (1874). Joe Pesci’s ancestors snarl, “Whatta you lookin’ at?” 2 Brigham Young arrested for having 25 wives (1872); authorities express awe. 3 Leonardo da Vinci unsuccessfully tests flying machine (1496); his overhead luggage compartment experiment, however, goes off without a hitch. 4 Trivia Day; Exclusively for those who know this day exists. 5 Twelfth Day of Christmas; Twelve drummers drummed out of corps. 6 Epiphany. Realize this is as good as it gets. 7 Boris Godunov seizes Russian throne (1598); 361 years later, Boris Badenov seizes Moose and Squirrel. 8 LBJ declares a “War on Poverty “(1964); Poverty declares victory that same year. 9 Marines invade Honduras (1912). No one is sure why. 10 Masterpiece Theatre debuts on PBS (1971); BBC refuses to reciprocate with American Network Crap Theater. 11 1st recorded snowfall in Los Angeles (1949); “It was so cold that...” 12 HAL, the computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey becomes operational (1992); Windows 3.1 makes it crash. 13 1st live radio broadcast is from the Metropolitan Opera (1910). Due to low ratings, the following night’s broadcast is a sports call-in show. 14 Kites flown for Makar Sankranti in India, get tangled in arms of statue of Kali. 15 The Boston Molasses Disaster kills 21 very, very slow people (1919). 16 Martin Luther King Day; Bill Bennett endorses black assassination. 17 Ferdinand Marcos becomes President for Life of the Philippines (1973). “President” lasts until 1986, “Life” until 1989. 18 X-ray machine exhibited for 1st time (1896); X-Ray Specs still decades away. 19 Howard Hughes sets record, flying LA to NY in 7 hrs., 28 mins. and 25 secs. (1937). His luggage is never found. 20 Inauguration Day. Well, okay, not this year, but, you know. 21 Newt Gingrich disciplined for House ethics misconduct (1997). No pork for a week. 22 1st British colonists reach New Zealand (1840), begin filming Lord of the Rings. 23 Coin toss to name Oregon city Portland not Boston (1851). Damp came in 3rd. 24 Christian K. Nelson patents Eskimo Pie (1922); Aleuts file defamation suit. 25 Default on 1st Christmas credit card bill (1950). 26 Australia Day. Throw another little person on the barbie. 27 Boxer Rebellion in China (1900): Shih Tzu remain calm. 28 1st US ski tow begins operation in Vermont (1938). 1st jerk with lift ticket pinned to parka spotted in New York City the next week. 29 Chinese New Year; Year of the Dog, aka Seven Years of the Man. 30 Romeo and Juliet performed for the 1st time (1595); Liz Smith loves it. 31 Nauru declares independence from Australia (1968), and vows to continue to do so until someone notices.
			BABY BOOM-A-RAMA 1: 1946, 1st Baby Boomer baby is born; 1956, Elvis Presley records “Heartbreak Hotel”;1962, Decca rejects the Beatles. 3: 1926, George Martin; 1947, US Congress 1st televised; 1951, “Dragnet” debuts on TV; 1956, Mel Gibson. 4: 1914, Jane Wyman; 1960, Michael Stipe. 5: 1904, Jeanne Dixon; 1914, George Reeves. 7:1942, Paul Revere; 1957, Katie Couric. 8: 1926, Soupy Sales; 1931, Bill Graham; 1935, Elvis Presley; 1937, Bob Eubanks; 1947, David Bowie. 9: 1913, Richard Nixon; 1915, Les Paul; 1941, Joan Baez; 1944, Jimmy Page; 1956, 1st “Dear Abby” column. 10: 1945, Rod Stewart; 1948, Donald Fagen; 1949, Linda Lovelace, George Foreman. 11: 1931, James Earl Jones; 1942, Clarence Clemens; 1963, Whiskey-a-Go-Go opens. 12: 1951, Rush Limbaugh; 1954, Howard Stern; 1966, “Batman” debuts; 1971, “All in the Family” debuts. 13: 1957, Wham-O introduces Frisbee. 14: 1952, “Today Show” debuts; 15: Martin Luther King Day; 1942, Charo. 16: 1948, John Carpenter. 17: 1933, Shari Lewis; 1942, Muhammad Ali; 1966, “Sounds of Silence” released. 19: 1939, Phil Everly; 1943, Janis Joplin; 1946, Dolly Parton; 1955, Scrabble introduced. 20: 1958, Elvis drafted; 1964, “Meet the Beatles” released in US 21: 1939, Wolfman Jack; 1977, Jimmy Carter pardons most Vietnam era draft evaders. 22: 1931, Sam Cooke; 1959, Linda Blair; 1977, “Roots” premieres; 1984, Apple unveils Macintosh during Super Bowl XVIII (Raiders 38, Redskins 9). 23: 1919, Ernie Kovacs; 1950, Richard Dean Anderson. 24: 1944, Neil Diamond; 1947, Warren Zevon; 1949, John Belushi; 1962, Brian Epstein becomes Beatles’ manager. 25: 1949, 1st Emmy Awards. 26: 1955, Eddie Van Halen; 1998, Bill Clinton denies having sex with Monica. 27: 1973, Vietnam War officially “ends”; 1998, Hillary Clinton denounces “vast right wing conspiracy”. 28: 1933, Susan Sontag; 1936, Alan Alda. 29: 1939, Germaine Greer; 1945, Tom Selleck; 1954, Oprah Winfrey. 30: 1930, Gene Hackman; 1941, Dick Cheney; 1951, Phil Collins; 1969, Beatles perform together for last time on roof of Apple Records building. 31: 1923, Norman Mailer; 1956, Johnny Rotten; 1990, 1st McDonald’s opens in Moscow.