lt may be the shortest month but February is one heckuva multitasker, managing to be: Low Vision Awareness, African American History, American Heart, American History, Canned Food, National Cat Health, National Cherry, National Children's Dental Health, National Embroidery, National Pet Oral Health Care, National Snack Food, National Weddings, Potato Lovers, Responsible Pet Owner, Prevent Litter and National Wild Bird-Feeding month.
1 1894 John Ford; 1902 Langston Hughes; 1904 S.J. Perelman; 1908 George Pal; 1918 Muriel Spark; 1926 Stuart Whitman; 1937 Garrett Morris; 1942 Terry Jones; 1947 Jessica Savitch; 1954 Bill Mumy; 1965 Brandon Lee; 1968 Lisa Marie Presley, Pauly Shore.
• 2005: Since the lumberjacks seem okay with it, Canada sanctions same-sex marriage.
2 1882 James Joyce; 1905 Ayn Rand; 1923 James Dickey, Liz Smith; 1925 Elaine Stritch; 1926 Valery Giscard D'estaing; 1937 Tom Smothers; 1942 Graham Nash; 1947 Farrah Fawcett; 1949 Brent Spiner.
• 1709: Alexander Selkirk is rescued from a desert island; his story inspires Robinson Crusoe, The Swiss Family Robinson, Gilligan's Island, Cast Away and countless New Yorker cartoons.
• 1887: The first Groundhog Day is observed in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. We're not sure if this was the first-ever Groundhog Day celebration, or just the first-ever Groundhog Day celebration in Punxsutawney. Either way, we don't really care enough to look it up.
3 This Week is: "National Pride in Food Services" and "National Consumer Protection" week.
• 1874 Gertrude Stein; 1894 Norman Rockwell; 1904 Pretty Boy Floyd; 1918 Joey Bishop.
• 1815: First commercial cheese factory is founded in — surprise! — Switzerland.
• 913: Oh, the accountancy! The 16th Amendment is ratified, authorizing the Federal government to impose and collect income tax.
4 1881 Fernand Leger; 1895 Nigel Bruce; 1902 Charles Lindbergh; 1913 Rosa Parks; 1947 Dan Quayle; 1948 Alice Cooper.
• 1789: George Washington unanimously elected by Electoral College as the first president of the United States.
• 1792: George Washington unanimously re-elected to a second term as president by the Electoral College, making us think maybe these college boys were on to something.
5 1900 Adlai Stevenson; 1906 John Carradine; 1914 William S. Burroughs; 1919 Red Buttons; 1930 John A. Gambling; 1934 Hank Aaron; 1940 H.R. Giger; 1948 Christopher Guest, Barbara Hershey, Errol Morris; 1964 Laura Linney.
6 1756 Aaron Burr; 1895 Babe Ruth; 1917 Zsa Zsa Gabor; 1931 Rip Torn, Mamie Van Doren; 1940 Tom Brokaw; 1945 Bob Marley.
• 1971: During Apollo 14 mission, astronaut Alan Shepard becomes first man to hit a golf ball on the moon; his joke that he "Hooked it so badly it went into that water hazard" doesn't go over well at Mission Control.
• 1978: One of worst the nor'easters in New England history hits with sustained winds Of 65 mph and snowfall of 4" an hour. Everybody in the Nor'east gets to say "nor'easter" like a thousand times each.
7 1867 Laura Ingalls Wilder; 1885 Sinclair Lewis; 1887 Eubie Blake; 1908 Buster Crabbe; 1915 Eddie Bracken; 1956 Emo Philips; 1960 James Spader; 1962 Garth Brooks, Eddie Izzard; 1965 Chris Rock.
• 1962: Moments after President Kennedy receives one last shipment of his favorite Cuban cigars, the United States government bans all imports and exports from Cuba.
• 1990: The Soviet Communist Party agrees to give up power and let the Russian mafia run things.
8 1819 John Ruskin; 1820 William Tecumseh Sherman; 1878 Martin Buber; 1880 Franz Marc; 1894 King Vidor; 1921 Lana Turner; 1922 Audrey Meadows; 1925 Jack Lemmon; 1926 Neal Cassady; 1931 James Dean; 1940 Ted Koppel; 1941 Nick Nolte; 1942 Robert Klein; 1953 Mary Steenburgen; 1955 John Grisham.
• 1587: The beheading that launched a thousand melodramas; Mary, Queen of Scots is executed for plotting to murder Queen Elizabeth I.
• 1922: President Warren G. Harding brings first radio in the White House; spends entire morning trying to be the first caller who knows "The Phrase That Pays."
9 1909 Carmen Miranda; 1914 Gypsy Rose Lee, Ernest Tubb, Bill Veeck; 1928 Roger Mudd, Frank Frazetta; 1942 Carole King; 1943 Joe Pesci; 1945 Mia Farrow; 1952 Mookie Wilson.
• 1870: U.S. Weather Bureau established; it's all anyone can talk about.
• 1895: William G. Morgan invents volleyball. Well, you didn't think it just happened by itself, did you?
• 1964: The Beatles first appear on The Ed Sullivan Show.
10 This Week is: "National Crime Prevention" and "Cardiac Rehabilitation" week.
• 1893 Jimmy Durante; 1906 Lon Chaney Jr.; 1929 Jerry Goldsmith; 1930 Robert Wagner; 1937 Roberta Flack; 1944 Peter Allen; 1950 Mark Spitz; 1955 Greg Norman; 1961 George Stephanopoulos.
• 1863: In what is described as a "small gathering," P.T Barnum's world-famous dwarfs General Tom Thumb and Lavinia Warren marry.
• 1933: First-ever Singing Telegram is sent; first-ever singing telegram messenger gets punched out by recipient of first-ever singing telegram.
11 1847 Thomas Alva Edison; 1917 Sidney Sheldon; 1921 Lloyd Bentsen, Eva Gabor; 1922 Leslie Nielsen; 1934 Tina Louise, Mary Quant; 1936 Burt Reynolds; 1938 Manuel Antonio Noriega; 1969 Jennifer Aniston.
• 2006: Vice President Dick Cheney shoots Harry Whittington in the face while hunting; companions for Cheney's subsequent deep-sea fishing trip suddenly remember previous engagements.
12 1663 Cotton Mather; 1809 Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln; 1915 Lorne Greene; 1923 Franco Zeffirelli; 1930 Arlen Specter; 1955 Arsenio Hall; 1968 Josh Brolin; 1980 Christina Ricci.
• 1994 Edvard Munch's Painting The Scream is stolen from an Oslo museum; suspiciously, no one hears anything.
13 1892 Grant Wood; 1919 Tennessee Ernie Ford; 1923 Chuck Yeager; 1933 Kim Novak; 1934 George Segal; 1942 Peter Tork; 1944 Jerry Springer; 1950 Peter Gabriel; 1963 Penelope Ann Miller.
• 1542: Catherine Howard, fifth wife of Henry VIII, is executed for adultery. Her last statement is, "Adultery?! Are you f****ing kidding me?!"
14 Valentine's Day
• 1894 Jack Benny; 1913 Mel Allen; 1921 Hugh Downs; 1922 Murray The K; 1934 Florence Henderson; 1936 Fanne Foxe, Andrew Prine; 1941 Donna Shalala, Paul Tsongas; 1942 Michael Bloomberg; 1944 Carl Bernstein, Alan Parker.
• 1919: The Polish-Soviet War begins. Guess how that one turned out.
• 1989: Iranian mullah issues a fatwa encouraging muslims to kill Salman Rushdie, author of The Satanic Verses, or, at the very least, to not buy it until it's out in paperback, thereby depriving him of royalties.
15 1820 Susan B. Anthony; 1874 Sir Ernest Shackleton; 1882 John Barrymore; 1907 Cesar Romero; 1918 Allan Arbus; 1948 Art Spiegelman; 1954 Matt Groening.
• 1903: Morris and Rose Michtom introduce the first Teddy Bear in America. Namesake Teddy Roosevelt declares it "Bully," then shoots it.
16 1710 King Louis XV Of France; 1903 Edgar Bergen; 1935 Sonny Bono; 1957 Levar Burton; 1958 Ice-T; 1959 John Mcenroe.
• 1959: Fidel Castro becomes premier of Cuba; his inauguration speech is still going on.
• 2006: The last Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (MASH) is decommissioned.
17 1818 Frederick Douglass; 1924 Margaret Truman; 1925 Hal Holbrook; 1934 Alan Bates, Barry Humphries; 1935 Christina Pickles; 1936 Jim Brown; 1954 Rene Russo; 1981 Paris Hilton.
• 1753: February 17 is followed immediately by March 1 when Sweden switches from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar; a confused populace never quite adjusts and Sweden pretty much ceases to be a world power.
• 1801: An electoral tie between Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr is resolved by the House of Representatives who elects Jefferson president and Burr vice president; Burr's suggestion of pistols at dawn is summarily rejected.
18 Presidents Day
• This Week is: "Child Passenger Safety Awareness" and "Pay Your Bills" week.
• 1848 Louis Comfort Tiffany; 1892 Wendell Willkie; 1919 Jack Palance; 1930 Gahan Wilson; 1931 Johnny Hart, Toni Morrison; 1932 Milos Forman; 1933 Yoko Ono; 1950 John Hughes, Cybill Shepherd; 1954 John Travolta; 1964 Matt Dillon; 1968 Molly Ringwald.
• 1885: Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn published. Huckleberry Hound debuts in 1958 but on a different day. We're really not sure why we brought this up.
• 1929: First Academy Award nominations are announced.
19 1473 Nicolaus Copernicus; 1911 Merle Oberon; 1917 Carson McCullers; 1924 Lee Marvin; 1952 Amy Tan; 1955 Jeff Daniels.
• 1878: The Phonograph patented by Thomas Edison. Ear plugs patented the following day by Edison's upstairs neighbor.
• 1881: Kansas became the first state to prohibit Alcohol. Among things the matter with Kansas, this one is right up there.
• 1985: Artificial heart recipient William J. Schroeder becomes first such patient to leave hospital. Alive.
20 1899 Cornelius Vanderbilt Whitney; 1924 Gloria Vanderbilt; 1925 Robert Altman; 1927 Roy Cohn, Sidney Poitier; 1942 Phil Esposito; 1946 Sandy Duncan, J. Geils; 1954 Patty Hearst; 1960 Joel Hodgson; 1963 Charles Barkley; 1964 French Stewart; 1966 Cindy Crawford; 1967 Kurt Cobain, Lili Taylor.
• 1933: Congress proposes the repeal of the 21st Amendment, ending Prohibition; resulting celebratory bender lasts until 1937.
21 1903 Anais Nin; 1907 W. H. Auden; 1925 Sam Peckinpah; 1927 Erma Bombeck; 1936 Barbara Jordan; 1943 David Geffen; 1953 Christine Ebersole, William Petersen; 1955 Kelsey Grammer; 1962 David Foster Wallace; 1963 William Baldwin; 1979 Jennifer Love Hewitt; 1986 Charlotte Church.
• 1893: Thomas Edison receives two U.S. Patents; one for a "Cut Out for Incandescent Electric Lamps" and another for a "Stop Device", that no one ever hears about again.
• 1925: The New Yorker publishes its first issue.
• 1953: Francis Crick and James D. Watson discover the structure of DNA.
• 1972: Nixon goes to China.
22 1732 George Washington; 1892 Edna St. Vincent Millay; 1907 Sheldon Leonard, Robert Young; 1908 Sir John Mills; 1925 Edward Gorey; 1932 Ted Kennedy; 1950 Julius Erving; 1975 Drew Barrymore.
• 1819: Spain sells Florida to the U.S. for $5 million. Neglects to mention the swamps, hurricanes, bugs, humidity or the long lines at Epcot.
23 1633 Samuel Pepys; 1904 William L. Shirer; 1932 Majel Barrett; 1940 Peter Fonda; 1944 Johnny Winter.
• 1874: Major Walter Clopton Wingfield patents a game called "Sphairistike." Name is changed to "Lawn Tennis" when sales of Sphairistike Shoes prove disappointing.
24 1786 Wilhelm Grimm; 1836 Winslow Homer; 1926 Jean Alexander; 1942 Joe Lieberman; 1947 Rupert Holmes, Edward James Olmos; 1962 Michelle Shocked; 1968 Mitch Hedberg.
• 1868: The first Mardi Gras parade to feature floats takes place in New Orleans; the whole beads-for-breast-flashing thing is still a century away.
25 1873 Enrico Caruso; 1901 Zeppo Marx; 1917 Anthony Burgess; 1928 Larry Gelbart; 1929 Tommy Newsom; 1950 Neil Jordan; 1966 Tea Leoni.
• 1836: Samuel Colt gets patent for the Colt (duh) Revolver.
• 1870: Hiram Rhodes Revels, Republican from Mississippi, is sworn in as a United States Senator, becoming the first African American ever to sit in the U.S. Congress. Sure, they make him sit way at the back, but still.
26 1564 Christopher Marlowe; 1802 Victor Hugo; 1808 Honore Daumier; 1829 Levi Strauss; 1908 Tex Avery; 1916 Jackie Gleason; 1928 Fats Domino; 1932 Johnny Cash; 1934 Robert Novak; 1945 Mitch Ryder; 1951 Lee Atwater; 1953 Michael Bolton.
• 1815: Able is Napoleon to escape from Elba without the aid of an anagram.
• 1991: Tim Berners-Lee introduces the first web browser; by the end of the day, he has a lower mortgage, a bigger penis and has amassed a fortune in Nigerian gold.
27 272 Constantine I; 1807 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow; 1902 John Steinbeck; 1913 Irwin Shaw; 1917 John Connally; 1930 Joanne Woodward; 1932 Elizabeth Taylor; 1934 Ralph Nader; 1940 Howard Hesseman; 1962 Adam Baldwin.
• 1974: People magazine commences publication; national IQ drops 18 points.
• 1986: The United States Senate allows its debates to be televised; senators ask each other, "Does this pork barrel spending bill make me look fat?"
28 1820 John Tenniel; 1901 Linus Pauling; 1903 Vincente Minnelli; 1906 Bugsy Siegel; 1907 Milton Caniff; 1915 Zero Mostel; 1929 Frank Gehry; 1939 Tommy Tune; 1940 Mario Andretti; 1945 Bubba Smith; 1948 Bernadette Peters, Mercedes Ruehl; 1953 Paul Krugman; 1957 John Turturro; 1961 Rae Dawn Chong.
• 1983: Final episode of M*A*S*H is viewed by several thousand times more people than ever worked at or got patched up in one.
29 1896 William A. Wellman; 1904 Jimmy Dorsey; 1916 Dinah Shore; 1944 Dennis Farina; 1960 Tony Robbins.