1 Lei Day in Hawaii (write your own joke).
1852 Calamity Jane; 1907 Kate Smith; 1916 Glenn Ford, Jane Jacobs, Jack Parr; 1922 Louis Nye; 1923 Joseph Heller; 1924 Art Fleming, Terry Southern; 1927 Harry Belafonte; 1944 Rita Coolidge; 1954 Ray Parker Jr.; 1957 Dick Swett.
• 1776: Adam Weishaupt founds the secret society of Illuminati but doesn't tell anybody.
• 1889: Bayer introduces aspirin.
• 1920: Babe Ruth's first Yankee home run & 50th of career; remarkable because he did it while also competing in stadium hot dog-eating contest.
• 1939: Batman Begins.
• 1941: Citizen Kane premieres.
• 1941: General Mills introduces Cheerios; entire supply is devoured by a nervous Orson Welles as he awaits the reviews for Citizen Kane.
• 1952: Mr. Potato Head introduced; database for future Pet Rock owners created.
• 1961: Fidel Castro announces there will be no more elections in Cuba, but he will continue to give campaign-style speeches.
• 1967: Elvis marries Priscilla.
• 1971: Rolling Stones release Brown Sugar.
2 1729 Catherine II (the Great); 1840 Theodor Herzl; 1885 Hedda Hopper; 1892 Manfred von Richthofen; 1903 Benjamin Spock; 1907 Pinky Lee; 1921 Satyajit Ray; 1922 Abraham Rosenthal; 1925 Roscoe Lee Browne; 1952 Christine Baranski.
• 1885 Good Housekeeping magazine is first published; is a huge step up from the Indifferent Housekeeping magazine it replaces.
• 1902: First science fiction movie, A Trip To The Moon, premieres; fans dressed like film's characters have been lined up outside theater since December 1901.
• 1932: Jack Benny's first radio show premieres.
• 1933: First (modern) sighting of Loch Ness monster; view is partially obscured by Yeti.
• 1997: Police arrest Eddie Murphy with a transsexual hooker; Hollywood bookies take bets on which Murphy will deny knowing about first, the transsexual or the hooker part.
3 1895 Zoltan Korda; 1898 Golda Meir; 1903 Bing Crosby; 1906 Mary Astor; 1919 Pete Seeger; 1920 Sugar Ray Robinson; 1928 James Brown; 1947 Doug Henning.
• 1494: Christopher Columbus discovers Jamaica, ganja.
• 1919: America's first passenger flight goes from New York City to Atlantic City; half of the passengers lose their return fare at the casinos and have to hitchhike back.
• 1965: The Real Don Steele debuts on KRTH radio in Los Angeles; Tina Delgado is alive, ALIVE!
• 1971: National Public Radio begins programming.
4 1924 Dennis Weaver; 1928 Maynard Ferguson; 1929 Audrey Hepburn; 1939 Amos Oz; 1941 George Will; 1958 Keith Haring.
• 1924: Olympics open in Paris; French athletes shrug indifferently and continue smoking.
• 1932 Al Capone, convict of income tax evasion; IRS deemed way scarier than FBI.
• 1957: Alan Freed hosts television's first prime-time network rock and roll show.
• 1994: Courtney Love cleared of drug charges. This time.
5 Cinco de Mayo!
1818 Karl Marx; 1867 Nellie Bly; 1900 Spencer Tracy; 1903 James Beard; 1912 Alice Faye; 1913 Tyrone Power; 1926 Ann B. Davis; 1940 Eric Burdon; 1942 Tammy Wynette; 1943 Michael Palin; 1944 Jean-Pierre Leaud, John Rhys-Davies.
• 1867: To ensure that Bastille Day is never celebrated in the western hemisphere, Mexicans heroically defeat occupying French forces.
• 1891: Carnegie Hall opens in New York; attendance is low, what with people not yet knowing how to get there.
• 1925: John T. Scopes arrested for teaching evolution in Tennessee.
6 Kentucky Derby; Thoroughbred race horse replaces fried chicken as state animal for one day.
1606 Lorenzo Lippi; 1758 Maximilien Robespierre; 1902 Max Ophüls; 1905 Toots Shor; 1913 Stewart Granger; 1915 Orson Welles, Theodore H. White; 1931 Willie Mays; 1945 Bob Seger; 1959 Aidan Quinn; 1961 George Clooney.
• 1536: King Henry VIII orders that a bible be placed in every church, which, in retrospect, seems kinda obvious.
• 1626: Dutch colonist Paul Minuit buys Manhattan for $24 in trinkets, beginning a centuries'-long tradition of New York real estate swindles.
• 1950: Liz Taylor's first marriage (to Conrad Hilton Jr.).
• 1987 Gary Hart denies that he's having an affair with his mistress, model Donna Rice.
• 1994: Bobcat Goldthwait sets fire to The Tonight Show couch; later claims he accidentally dropped a match on the exact spot Ed McMahon had been farting into for 30 years.
7 1840 Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky; 1885 George "Gabby" Hayes; 1919 Evita Perón; 1922 Darren McGavin; 1923 Anne Baxter; 1932 Pete Domenici; 1933 Johnny Unitas; 1934 Willard Scott; 1950 Janis Ian; 1952 Amy Heckerling; 1968 Traci Lords
• 1888: George Eastman patents "Kodak box camera."
• 1975: President Ford declares an end to "Vietnam Era"; announces that "Disco Era" has now officially begun.
8 1884 Harry S. Truman; 1895 Fulton J. Sheen; 1906 Roberto Rossellini; 1921 Saul Bass; 1926 David Attenborough, Don Rickles; 1934 Sonny Liston; 1940 Peter Benchley, Rick Nelson; 1945 Keith Jarrett.
• 1952: Mad Magazine debuts.
• 1963: Dr. No premieres in US.
• 1987: Gary Hart quits the Democratic presidential race because some pesky reporters he'd challenged to prove he was having an affair with model Donna Rice proved he was having an affair with model Donna Rice.
• 1994: 500th commentary by Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes. Ever wonder why he's still on the air?
9 1918 Mike Wallace; 1928 Pancho Gonzalez; 1936 Glenda Jackson; 1944 Richie Furay; 1946 Candice Bergen; 1949 Billy Joel; 1962 John Corbett.
• 1962: U.S. performs nuclear test at Christmas Island; vacationing Santa Claus loses five reindeer and is left with a permanently glowing red suit.
• 1963: U.S. performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site near Las Vegas; this is how the Rat Pack gains its legendary superpowers.
• 1965: Beatles attend a Bob Dylan concert; are miffed that Like a Rolling Stone isn't followed by some song with "beetle" in the name.
10 1899 Fred Astaire; 1902 David O. Selznick; 1929 Fats Domino; 1936 Gary Owens; 1938 Maxim Shostakovich; 1957 Sid Vicious; 1960 Bono.
• 1752: Benjamin Franklin tests first lightning rod; "Eurkea! It works!" exclaims the smoldering inventor.
• 1924: J. Edgar Hoover made FBI chief; is sworn in wearing heels, tiara, smashing little strapless number.
• 1933: Paraguay declares war on Bolivia; and then they probably fight, or something.
• 1967: Keith Richards, Brian Jones & Mick Jagger arrested on drug charges.
• 1969: Rock band the Turtles play the White House; lead singer Mark Volman falls off stage five times (really).
11 1904 Salvador Dali; 1912 Phil Silvers; 1918 Richard P. Feynman; 1927 Mort Sahl; 1933 Louis Farrakhan; 1941 Eric Burdon.
• 1751: First U.S. hospital founded (Pennsylvania Hospital).
• 1752: First U.S. fire insurance policy issued (Philadelphia).
• 1927: Louis B. Mayer starts Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences; as meeting runs long, Mayer hums loudly at the long-winded speakers, hoping they'll get the hint.
• 1949: First Polaroid camera sold.
• 1959: Yankee catcher Yogi Berra's errorless streak of 148 games ends; somewhere a fat lady sings.
• 1968: Richard Harris releases MacArthur Park; listeners wonder if just maybe psychedelic rock hasn't gone too far.
• 1969: Monty Python forms. Civilization's demise is postponed for a while.
• 1972: On the Dick Cavett Show, John Lennon claims that the FBI is tapping his phone; a voice offstage responds, "No we're not... oops."
12 1828 Gabriel Dante Rossetti; 1914 Howard K. Smith; 1925 Yogi Berra; 1929 Burt Bacharach; 1937 George Carlin; 1948 Steve Winwood; 1950 Bruce Boxleitner, Gabriel Byrne, Billy Squier; 1966 Stephen Baldwin.
• 1958: Nee Nee Na Na Na Na Nu Nu by Dicky Doo & The Don'ts hits #40; this would never have happened if Elvis wasn't in the army.
• 1958: US performs nuclear test at Enwetak; if by "test" you mean "Blew it to smithereens that will be radioactive for 6,000 years."
• 1959: Liz Taylor's 4th marriage (to Eddie Fisher).
• 1963: Bob Dylan walks off the Ed Sullivan Show rather than sing duet with Topo Gigio.
• 1989: Last graffiti covered New York City subway car retired; now lives comfortably in Florida.
• 1997: Tornado narrowly misses downtown Miami; is mercilessly ridiculed by hurricanes for its poor aim.
13 1907 Daphne du Maurier; 1914 Joe Louis; 1926 Beatrice Arthur; 1927 Herbert Ross; 1931 Jim Jones; 1939 Harvey Keitel; 1941 Ritchie Valens; 1950 Stevie Wonder; 1961 Dennis Rodman.
• 1637: Cardinal Richelieu creates the table knife; meal-time sword mishaps become a thing of the past.
• 1828: U.S. passes Tariff of Abominations; although technically still in effect, it's getting harder to define what makes for an "abomination."
• 1942: Helicopter makes first cross-country flight, broadcasting local traffic reports along the way.
• 1950: Diner's Club issues its first credit cards.
• 1958: Richard Nixon‘s car attacked in Venezuela by anti-American demonstrators; this won’t happen to him in US until 1971.
• 1965: Rolling Stones record Satisfaction.
14 1727 Thomas Gainsborough; 1919 Heloise; 1923 Diane Arbus; 1944 George Lucas; 1946 Robert Jarvik; 1948 Robert Zemeckis; 1952 David Byrne.
• 1894: Fire in the Boston bleachers spreads to 170 adjoining buildings; officials blame the Yankees.
• 1991: World's Largest Burrito created (1,126 lbs.).
• 1998: Amid unprecedented hype, the last episode of Seinfeld airs.
• 1998: Frank Sinatra dies; overheard on a NYC subway the next morning, "At least it got everybody to stop talking about Seinfeld".
15 1921 Erroll Garner; 1923 Richard Avedon; 1930 Jasper Johns; 1937 Madeleine Albright, Trini Lopez; 1948 Brian Eno.
• 1905: Las Vegas, NV founded on 110 acres won in craps game.
• 1967: Paul McCartney meets Linda Eastman.
• 1968: Paul McCartney & John Lennon appear on The Tonight Show (guest host Joe Garagiola), to promote their new Apple Record label; Yeah, we still have trouble believing this happened, too.
• 1992: Part of Cruger Avenue in the Bronx is renamed "Regis Philbin Avenue," although which part of Philbin is never revealed.
16 1905 Henry Fonda; 1912 Studs Terkel; 1913 Woody Herman; 1921 Harry Carey Jr.; 1928 Billy Martin; 1931 Lowell Weicker; 1952 Pierce Brosnan; 1955 Debra Winger; 1963 Jimmy Osmond; 1970 Gabriela Sabatini.
• 1770: Marie Antoinette marries future King Louis XVI of France.
• 1891: Hormel & Company introduce Spam; it is best eaten with sporks.
• 1927: Supreme Court rules that bootleggers must pay income tax
• 1965: Spaghetti-O's first sold; Uh, oh!
• 1966: Beach Boys' Pet Sounds is released.
17 1444 Sandro Botticelli; 1911 Maureen O'Sullivan; 1912 Archibald Cox; 1936 Dennis Hopper; 1955 Bill Paxton; 1956 "Sugar" Ray Leonard, Bob Saget; 1963 Brigitte Nielsen.
• 1673: Joliet & Marquette begin exploring the Mississippi; expedition is marred by pair's constant bickering over whether the river is "Big" or "Muddy."
• 1804: Lewis & Clark begin exploration of the Louisiana Purchase; more than a little surprised to discover that Jefferson bought it sight-unseen and hope he kept the receipt.
• 1845: Rubber band patented; well, you didn't think it invented itself, did ya?
• 1846: Saxophone is patented, neighbors’ objections go unheard.
• 1932: Congress changes the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico" but does not stipulate any change of pronunciation.
• 1960: First atomic reactor system is patented by JW Flora, of Canoga Park, CA; he built it in his garage from stuff he got at an Army Surplus store and parts from three old Philco radios.
• 1961: Fidel Castro offers to exchange Bay of Pigs prisoners for 500 bulldozers; "The pretty yellow ones," he specifies.
18 1883 Walter Gropius; 1897 Frank Capra; 1904 Jacob Javits; 1911 Big Joe Turner; 1928 Pernell Roberts; 1946 Reggie Jackson; 1949 Rick Wakeman.
• 1980: Mount St. Helens blows its top.
• 1982 Unification Church founder Reverend Sun Myung Moon convicted of tax evasion; is now known as "The Al Capone of Religious Cult Wing Nuts."
19 1890 Ho Chi Minh; 1915 Pol Pot; 1925 Malcolm X; 1941 Nora Ephron; 1945 Peter Townshend; 1948 Grace Jones.
• 1536: Oops, he did it again! Henry VIII has wife No. 2, Anne Boleyn, beheaded.
• 1792: Russian army enters Poland; Poland sighs and asks, "Oh, what is it this time?"
• 1960: Alan Freed & eight other DJs accused of taking payola.
• 1977: Smokey & the Bandit premieres.
• 1979: In The Navy by the Village People hits #3 on the charts.
20 1799 Honoré de Balzac; 1806 John Stuart Mill; 1933 Danny Aiello; 1936 Anthony Zerbe; 1944 Joe Cocker; 1946 Cher; 1949 Dave Thomas.
• 1993: 274th & final episode of Cheers.
• 1874: Levi Strauss markets blue jeans with pockets reinforced by copper rivets for $13.50 per dozen. That's right, per dozen.
• 1916 First Saturday Evening Post cover by Norman Rockwell; age of American innocence officially begins.
21 1904 Fats Waller; 1916 Harold Robbins; 1917 Raymond Burr; 1951 Al Franken; 1952 Mr T.
• 1602: Martha's Vineyard is first sighted by Captain Bartholomew Gosnold; when he tries to land there, local indians tell him it's too late for this season but that he can fill out an application for the summer of 1603.
• 1968: Paul McCartney attends an Andy Williams concert; no word on whether Joe Garagiola was also there.
• 1980: The Empire Strikes Back released.
22 1813 Richard Wagner; 1844 Mary Cassatt; 1859 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; 1907 Laurence Olivier; 1934 Peter Nero; 1938 Richard Benjamin, Frank Converse; 1950 Bernie Taupin.
• 1930: New York Yankees hit 14 home runs in one game; suck on it, Boston.
• 1954: Bob Dylan is Bar Mitzvahed; he keeps asking how many of these he has to go through before you can call him a man.
• 1955: Oldest man to compete the Grand Prix (aged 55) finishes sixth; his strategy of leaving his left turn signal on to confuse the other drivers seems to have worked.
• 1961: First revolving restaurant (Top Of The Space Needle in Seattle), opens; business improves when they slow it down from 78 rpm to 33 1/3.
• 1967: Mister Rogers' Neighborhood debuts.
• 1992: Johnny Carson's final appearance as host of The Tonight Show.
23 1824 Ambrose Everett Burnside; 1883 Douglas Fairbanks; 1910 Artie Shaw; 1910 Franz Jozef Kline; 1910 Scatman Crothers; 1928 Rosemary Clooney; 1934 Robert Moog; 1936 Charles Kimbrough; 1947 Jonathan Pryce; 1961 Drew Carey; 1966 Helena Bonham Carter.
• 1908: Dirigible explodes over San Fransisco Bay, 16 passengers fall, none die; although none exactly squeals "Wheeeeee!" all the way down, either.
• 1939: Hitler proclaims he wants to move into Poland; sends in troops to look for a three-bedroom, split-level rancher with a nice view of Russia.
• 1969: The Who release Tommy.
• 1971: Iron Butterfly disbands.
24 1938 Tommy Chong; 1939 Dixie Carter; 1941 Bob Dylan; 1943 Gary Burghoff, James Levine, Frank Oz; 1944 Arthur Brown, Patti LaBelle; 1945 Priscilla Presley; 1955 Rosanne Cash.
• 1844: Samuel Morse sends first telegraph message ("What hath God wrought"); second is "Can you hear me now?"
• 1883: Brooklyn Bridge opened; Publicity stunt of giving out novelty "Ownership Certificates" to first 100 pedestrians crossing bridge backfires and the bridge is resold 36 times by mid-afternoon.
• 1899: First auto repair shop opens in Boston; the chatty brothers who run the place are a big hit.
25 1803 Ralph Waldo Emerson; 1878 Bill "Bojangles" Robinson; 1889 Igor Sikorsky; 1898 Bennett Cerf; 1907 Rachel Carson; 1927 Robert Ludlum; 1929 Beverly Sills; 1938 Raymond Carver.
• 1721: John Copson becomes America's first insurance agent; colonists quickly learn to duck into a doorway or alleyway whenever they see him coming.
• 1895: Oscar Wilde is sentenced to 2 years hard labor for sodomy; sentence is extended when he giggles at the word "hard."
• 1961: JFK sets goal of putting a man on Moon before the end of decade and himself on Marilyn Monroe by the end of the week.
• 1945: Arthur C. Clark proposes relay satellites in geosynchronous orbit.
• 1962: Isley Brothers release Twist & Shout.
• 1977: Star Wars released; mutant race of basement-dwelling nerds is born.
• 1983: Return of the Jedi released.
• 1986: "Hands Across America," an event in which 7 million people formed a human chain by holding hands from California to New York happens; there was a reason for this but we forget what it was.
• 1986: A 95-year-old woman scores a hole-in-one on a golf course in Florida; unfortunately, everyone else in the country is holding hands, so she doesn't get much in the way of applause.
26 1877 Isadora Duncan; 1886 Al Jolson; 1903 Estes Kefauver; 1907 John Wayne; 1908 Robert Morley; 1910 Laurence Rockefeller; 1913 Peter Cushing; 1919 Jay Silverheels; 1920 Peggy Lee; 1923 James Arness; 1926 Miles Davis; 1939 Brent Musburger; 1942 Levon Helm; 1949 Pam Grier, Philip Michael Thomas, Hank Williams Jr.; 1951 Sally Ride; 1962 Bobcat Goldthwait; 1964 Lenny Kravitz.
• 1937: Golden Gate Bridge opens.
• 1994: Michael Jackson marries Elvis Presley's daughter Lisa Marie. Yeah, we still can't figure that one out, either.
• 2002: NASA probe finds evidence of water on Mars; it is bottled and overpriced.
27 1819 Julia Ward Howe; 1837 "Wild Bill" Hickok; 1911 Hubert Humphrey, Vincent Price; 1912 John Cheever, Sam Snead; 1915 Herman Wouk; 1922 Christopher Lee; 1934 Harlan Ellison; 1936 Louis Gossett Jr.; 1944 Christopher Dodd.
• 1930: Richard Drew invents masking tape.
• 1951: Chinese Communists force Dalai Lama to surrender his army to Beijing; the Dalai Lama had an army?
• 1964: From Russia With Love premieres in U.S.
28 1738 Dr. Joseph Ignace Guillotin; 1807 Louis Agassiz; 1874 G.K. Chesterton; 1888 Jim Thorpe; 1910 T-Bone Walker; 1916 Walker Percy; 1931 Carroll Baker; 1938 Jerry West; 1944 Rudy Giuliani, Gladys Knight; 1945 John Fogerty; 1949 Wendy O. Williams; 1962 Brandon Cruz.
• 1915: John B. Gruelle patents Raggedy Ann doll.
• 1923: Attorney General says it is legal for women to wear trousers anywhere.
• 1961: After 78 years of operation, the Orient Express makes its last trip; by tradition, just outside its final destination, suspects are gathered into the Parlor car and the murderer is revealed.
• 1997: Bob Dylan hospitalized in England with histoplasmosis; at least everbody thinks that's what he said.
29 1736 Patrick Henry; 1894 Beatrice Lillie; 1894 Josef von Sternberg; 1903 Bob Hope; 1928 Felix Rohatyn; 1939 Al Unser; 1953 Danny Elfman; 1958 Annette Bening; 1959 Rupert Everett; 1961 Melissa Etheridge.
• 1138: Anti-Pope Victor IV (Gregorio) overthrows self for Innocentius II. What? You need a joke to go along with that?
• 1912: 15 young women fired by Curtis Publishing for dancing the "Turkey Trot" during their lunch break;
• 1968: The "Truth in Lending Act" is signed into law.
• 1982: First papal visit to Britain since 1531; pope remarks, "Love what you've done with the place."
• 1987: Michael Jackson attempts to buy Elephant Man's remains; incident is tipping point from "kinda eccentric" to "way creepy."
30 1908 Mel Blanc; 1909 Benny Goodman; 1936 Keir Dullea; 1939 Michael J. Pollard; 1942 Lenny Davidson; 1943 Gale Sayers; 1945 Meredith MacRae.
• 1806: Andrew Jackson kills man in duel; Aaron Burr snips ‘Been there, done that.’
• 1889: The brassiere is invented.
• 1967: Evel Knievel jumps his motorcycle over 16 cars.
• 1996: John Tesh's final day as host of Entertainment Tonight.
31 1819 Walt Whitman; 1898 Norman Vincent Peale; 1912 Henry "Scoop" Jackson; 1930 Clint Eastwood; 1938 Peter Yarrow; 1941 Johnny Paycheck; 1943 Joe Namath; 1946 Rainer Werner Fassbinder; 1960 Chris Elliott; 1961 Lea Thompson.
• 1884: Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patents "flaked cereal."
• 1919: Mile High Club concept gets off to slow start with first wedding held in an aircraft.
• 1969: John Lennon & Yoko Ono record Give Peace a Chance; world thinks it over for a moment then replies, "Nope. Not gonna happen."
• 1990: Seinfeld (originally titled The Seinfeld Chronicles), debuts. Yadda, yadda, yadda.