1 Nirvana for Buddhists. For the rest of us, bupkus.
• 1926 Andy Griffith; 1926 Marilyn Monroe; 1934 Pat Boone; 1937 Morgan Freeman; 1946 Brian Cox; 1947 Jonathan Pryce, Ron Wood; 1964 Mark Curry; 1973 Heidi Klum; 1974 Alanis Morissette.
• 1812: President James Madison asks Congress to declare war on Britain. Remember when presidents did that? Sigh.
• 1869: Thomas Edison receives a patent for electric voting machine; promises to deliver 1872 election to Grant in a walk.
• 40 Years Ago Today the Beatles release Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
2 1731 Martha Washington; 1740 Marquis de Sade; 1904 Johnny Weissmuller; 1941 Stacy Keach, Charlie Watts; 1948 Jerry Mathers; 1955 Dana Carvey.
• 455: Vandals enter Rome, vandalize.
• 1835: P. T. Barnum's circus first tours U.S. Barnum annoys companions by checking his watch every 60 seconds and chortling, "Out pops another customer!"
• 1953: Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II is the first to be televised. Watching at home, a young Simon Cowell mutters, "This is the most dreadful coronation I have ever seen!"
3 1906 Josephine Baker; 1925 Tony Curtis; 1926 Allen Ginsberg; 1936 Larry McMurtry; 1967 Anderson Cooper.
• 1943: Zoot Suit Riots in Los Angeles give new meaning to term "Fashion Victims."
• 1968: Pop! Valerie Solanas shoots Andy Warhol.
4 470 BC Socrates; 460 BC Hippocrates; 1936 Bruce Dern; 1937 Freddy Fender, Robert Fulghum; 1956 John Hockenberry; 1975 Angelina Jolie.
• 1876: A Transcontinental Express train arrives in San Francisco 83 hours and 39 minutes after leaving New York; If another Transcontinental Express train had left San Francisco heading for New York at the same time would anyone give a rat's ass in which state they passed each other?
• 1973: Patent for the ATM granted; soon-to-be-unemployed bank tellers feel sudden chill.
5 1718 Thomas Chippendale; 1878 Pancho Villa; 1883 John Maynard Keynes; 1919 Richard Scarry; 1920 Cornelius Ryan; 1941 Spalding Gray; 1949 Ken Follett; 1956 Kenny G; 1962 Jeff Garlin.
6 1935 (the current) Dalai Lama; 1939 Gary U.S. Bonds; 1949 Robert Englund; 1967 Paul Giamatti.
• 1944: D-Day.
7 1778 Beau Brummel; 1940 Tom Jones; 1958 Prince.
• 1930: NY Times agrees to capitalize the "n" in "Negro"; "Typical liberal bias" sniffs headline in crosstown rival NY Post.
8 1867 Frank Lloyd Wright; 1925 Barbara Pierce Bush; 1929 Jerry Stiller; 1933 Joan Rivers.
• 452: Attila the Hun invades Italy; upon leaving declares, "If you sack only one country this year, make it Italy!"
9 1908 Robert Cummings; 1915 Les Paul; 1916 Robert McNamara; 1961 Michael J. Fox; 1963 Johnny Depp.
• 1954: Joseph Welch asks Sen Joseph McCarthy "Have you no sense of decency, sir?" during Senate-Army hearings; many believe that McCarthy's response, 'Not a whit, you pinko bastard!' contributed to his downfall.
10 1910 Howlin' Wolf; 1922 Judy Garland; 1928 Maurice Sendak.
• 1990: Burger King begins using Newman's Own Salad Dressing; vows to begin serving actual salads in near future.
11 King Kamehameha Day (Hawaii)
• 1931 Tab Hunter; 1932 Athol Fugard; 1935 Gene Wilder; 1945 Adrienne Barbeau.
• 1966: French & German media mistakenly report death of Roger Daltry; Pete Townshend vows not to get fooled again.
12 1916 Irwin Allen; 1928 Vic Damone; 1943 Marv Albert.
• 1966: TV Batman begins.
13 1892 Basil Rathbone; 1926 Paul Lynde; 1986 Ashley & Mary Kate Olsen.
• 1789: Mrs. Alexander Hamilton serves ice cream for dessert to Washington; runs out before Aaron Burr gets any, prompting long-standing feud.
14 World Sea Turtle Day.
• 1811 Harriet Beecher Stowe; 1909 Burl Ives; 1925 Pierre Salinger; 1933 Jerzy Kosinski; 1946 Donald Trump; 1961 Boy George; 1968 Yasmine Bleeth.
15 1922 Morris Udall; 1932 Mario Cuomo; 1937 Waylon Jennings; 1942 Xaveria Hollander; 1963 Helen Hunt; 1964 Courtney Cox.
• 1924: Despite public outcry to "Give it a rest," Ford Motor Company manufactures its 10 millionth automobile.
16 1938 Joyce Carol Oates; 1948 Brian Eno.
• 1961: Dave Garroway fired as Today Show host; J. Fredd Muggs promoted instead.
17 World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought (Drink up!)
• 1882 Igor Stravinsky; 1914 John Hersey; 1946 Barry Manilow.
18 1877 James Montgomery Flagg; 1901 Jeanette MacDonald; 1904 Keye Luke; 1942 Paul McCartney, Rogert Ebert; 1947 Linda Thorson; 1952 Carol Kane; 1952 Isabella Rossellini.
• 1873: Susan B. Anthony fined $100 for attempting to vote for President; ironically, by 1973, candidates spend 10 times that amount per woman courting female voters.
19 Righting Day (Algeria); Lefting Day legislation still pending.
• 1897 Moe Howard; 1919 Pauline Kael.
• 1861: Anaheim Post Office established; letters addressed "Dear Mickey" set aside.
• 1967: Paul McCartney admits taking LSD; still considered lamest Beatle.
20 1907 Lillian Hellman; 1909 Errol Flynn; 1920 DeForest Kelley; 1924 Chet Atkins, Audie Murphy; 1928 Martin Landau; 1942 Brian Wilson; 1950 Lionel Richie; 1952 John Goodman; 1953 Cyndi Lauper.
21 1903 Al Hirschfeld; 1905 Jean-Paul Sartre; 1947 Meredith Baxter-Birney, Michael Gross; 1948 Leo Sayers.
• 1633: Galileo is forced by Inquisition to recant his Copernican heliocentric views because Inquisitors think they "sound dirty."
22 1906 Billy Wilder; 1920 Paul Frees; 1936 Kris Kristofferson; 1941 Ed Bradley; 1948 Todd Rundgren; 1949 Meryl Streep.
• 1969: Aretha Franklin arrested in Detroit for creating a disturbance; her defense lawyer argues that she wasn't getting R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
• 1981: In what passes at that time for "...a disgraceful act of misbehavior" at Wimbeldon John McEnroe asks the visiting Prince of Wales if he 'Has any Grey Poupon'.
23 1894 Alfred Kinsey; 1911 David Ogilvy.
24 1842 Ambrose Bierce; 1935 Pete Hamill; 1942 Mick Fleetwood; 1944 Jeff Beck; 1947 Peter Weller; 1950 Nancy Allen.
• 1977: IRS reveals Jimmy Carter paid no taxes in 1976; inexplicably, this does not make him a folk hero.
25 1903 George Orwell; 1924 Sidney Lumet; 1925 Clifton Chenier; 1925 June Lockhart; 1925 Robert Venturi; 1945 Carly Simon; 1963 Mike Myers.
• 1835: First permanent building constructed in San Francisco; advertised as "fixer-upper w/ample parking."
• 1977: Roy C. Sullivan of Virginia is struck by lightning for seventh time; says, "Once more and I'll start taking it personally."
26 1892 Pearl S Buck; 1893 Big Bill Broonzy; 1904 Peter Lorre; 1909 Col Tom Parker; 1933 Noriyuki "Pat" Morita.
• 1963: JFK visits West Berlin, declares "Ich bin ein Berliner."
27 1880 Helen Keller; 1927 Bob Keeshan.
• 1963: JFK visits Ireland, declares, "Ich bin ein Dubliner." Locals chalk it up to the Guinness.
• 1977: 5-4 Supreme Court decision allows lawyers to advertise. Yeah, thanks guys.
28 1926 Mel Brooks; 1946 Gilda Radner; 1966 John Cusack.
• 1942: Dumont TV network debuts with catchy slogan, "We're Here to Stay!"
29 1900 Antoine Saint-Exupery; 1901 Nelson Eddy; 1919 Slim Pickens; 1947 Richard Lewis.
• 1967: Keith Richards is sentenced to one year in jail on drugs charge; Stones start auditioning backup guitarists for long stretches when Keith is in stir.
30 1916 David Wayne; 1917 Buddy Rich; 1917 Lena Horne; 1966 Mike Tyson.
• 1979: Johnny Rotten & Joan Collins appear together on BBC's Juke Box Jury; Four Horseman of the Apocalypse take rest of the week off, what with their work being done for them, and all.