2 1850 Albert Spaulding; 1918 Martha Mitchell; 1919 Marge Champion; 1931 Alan Simpson; 1936 Joan Kennedy; 1937 Peter Ueberroth; 1948 Terry Bradshaw; 1951 Mark Harmon; 1952 Jimmy Connors; 1964 Keanu Reeves.
• 490 BC: Phidippides runs the 26 miles from Sparta to Persia in first marathon; sadly, he dies upon arrival, and before getting a single endorsement deal.
• 1666: Great Fire of London.
• 1901: Theodore Roosevelt advises, "Speak softly and carry a big stick"; long-time advisors know better than to lean in closer and ask, "What did you say?"
• 1987: Donald Trump takes out a full-page New York Times ad lambasting Japan; that's where his defective hairpiece was manufactured.

3 1856 Louis Henri Sullivan; 1913 Alan Ladd; 1914 Kitty Carlisle Hart; 1923 Mort Walker.
• 1752: This day, and the next 10, don't "happen" as England adopts the Gregorian Calendar and ditches the old Julian version. People riot thinking the government has stolen 11 days of their lives.
• 1849: California State Constitutional Convention meets in Monterey; decision to relocate the capital from there to Sacramento is made while all the representative except the one from Sacramento are out at a beach barbecue.
• 1935: First automobile to exceed 300 mph (301.337 mph); also first time traffic cop adds "Wow!" to the usual "Do you know how fast you were going?"

4 1908 Richard Wright; 1920 Craig Claiborne; 1928 Dick York; 1929 Thomas Eagleton.
• 1781: Spanish settlers found a village in Bahia de las Fumas (Valley of Smokes). Later renamed Los Angeles, current residents believe Valley of Smokes is probably the better name.
• 1970: George Harrison releases "My (He's) Sweet (So) Lord (Fine)."

5 1638 Louis XIV; 1902 Darryl F. Zanuck; 1921 Jack Valenti; 1923 Arthur C. Nielsen; 1927 Paul Volcker; 1929 Bob Newhart; 1935 Werner Erhard; 1946 Freddie Mercury.
• 1698: Tsar Peter I of Russia imposes tax on beards; Smith Bros., ZZ Top flee to US.
• 1774: First Continental Congress assembles in Philadelphia; they vote themselves a raise then recess until "all this shooting's over with."
• 1836 Sam Houston elected president of the Republic of Texas; he wins because he has the biggest hat.
• 1882: 10,000 workers march in first Labor Day parade in NYC; all are fired the next day as it isn't an official day-off holiday yet.

6 1888 Joseph P. Kennedy; 1899 Billy Rose; 1937 Jo Anne Worley; 1944 Swoosie Kurtz; 1947 Jane Curtin, Roger Waters.
• 1847: Henry David Thoreau leaves Walden Pond and moves in with Ralph Waldo Emerson; original inspiration for The Odd Couple.
• 1966: Star Trek premieres, but does my Mom buy me the Star Trek lunchbox I wanted that's worth thousands today? No, she does not.
• 1972: John & Yoko appear on the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon; years later we find out we owe a debt of gratitude to Lewis for talking them out of the naked "bed-in," they'd been planning.

7 1533 Queen Elizabeth I; 1860 Grandma Moses; 1923 Peter Lawford; 1924 Daniel Inouye; 1936 Buddy Holly; 1942 Garrison Keillor, Richard Roundtree; 1948 Susan Blakely; 1949 Gloria Gaynor; 1950 Chrissie Hynde, Peggy Noonan; 1951 Julie Kavner; 1954 Corbin Bernsen; 1971 Henry Thomas.
• 1822: Brazil declares independence from Portugal; Portugal asks, "We're still a colonial power?"
• 1903: Federation of American Motorcyclists organized in New York City; all 16 motorcycles stolen from curb outside meeting hall.
• 1927: Philo Farnsworth first demonstrates "tele-vision" in San Francisco; but admits, "Yeah, there's nothing on."
• 1981: Guilty Pleasure: Judge Wapner & the People's Court premieres.

8 1889 Robert A. Taft; 1922 Sid Caesar, Lyndon LaRouche; 1925 Peter Sellers; 1932 Patsy Cline; 1938 Sam Nunn; 1947 Ann Beattie; 1957 Heather Thomas.
• 1664: Dutch surrender New Amsterdam (New York) to 300 English soldiers who, it turns out, were just waiting in line for half-price theater tickets.
• 1930: Comic strip Blondie debuts; readers still unsure if it's supposed to be funny or what.
• 1935: Huey Long assassinated.
• 1966: That Girl starring Marlo Thomas premieres; say what you will, she was hot. In a perky sort of way, but hot nonetheless.
• 1974: Gerald Ford pardons former president Nixon of all federal crimes; also lets him off the hook for several parking tickets and killing those hitchhikers back in '61.

9 1754 William Bligh; 1828 Leo Tolstoy; 1919 Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder; 1925 Cliff Robertson; 1932 Sylvia Miles; 1935 Chaim Topol; 1941 Otis Redding; 1950 Tom Wopat; 1951 Michael Keaton.
• 1830: Charles Durant, first U.S. "aeronaut," flies a balloon from Castle Garden, New York to Perth Amboy, New Jersey; upon landing he is ticketed for not paying bridge tolls.
• 1867: Luxembourg gains independence from...? Anyone? Bueller?
• 1950: First use of TV laugh track.
• 1987: Thinking he'll be safe because she's a huge Tonight Show fan, Gary Hart admits on Nightline to cheating on his wife.

10 1907 Fay Wray; 1927 Yma Sumac; 1929 Arnold Palmer; 1934 Charles Kuralt, Roger Maris; 1950 Joe Perry.
• 1776: Nathan Hale volunteers for a spy mission in British-occupied New York City; practices walking fast and scowling at passersby for weeks before leaving.
• 1847: First theater opens in Hawaii; headlining? Don Ho.
• 1869: Baptist minister invents the rickshaw in Yokohama, Japan.
• 1913: Lincoln Highway opens as first paved coast-to-coast U.S. highway. Tragically, the center line isn't painted on until 1916.
• 1953: Swanson sells its first "TV dinner"; high Neilsen ratings guarantee second helpings.

11 1862 O. Henry; 1885 D.H. Lawrence; 1913 Bear Bryant; 1939 Lola Falana; 1940 Brian DePalma; 1942 Tom Dreesen; 1945 Leo Kottke.
• 1609: Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan island; cost of parking compels him to sail further north.
• 1773: Benjamin Franklin writes "There never was a good war or bad peace." British and other American founding fathers feel differently and prepare for hostilities.
• 1910: First commercially successful electric bus line opens, in Hollywood; is routinely chased along its route by a Model-T Ford full of bumbling cops.
• 1950: Dick Tracy program debuts; sparks uproar about violence on TV.
• 1954: First Miss America TV broadcast; sparks uproar about sex on TV
• 1977: TV's Rhoda gets divorced; was there an uproar? We don't remember.

12 1818 Richard Gatling; 1880 H.L. Mencken; 1888 Maurice Chevalier; 1892 Alfred A. Knopf; 1894 Billy Gilbert; 1898 Ben Shahn; 1902 Margaret Hamilton; 1913 Jesse Owens; 1921 Frank McGee, Stanislaw Lem; 1931 Ian Holm, George Jones; 1934 Gunther Gebel-Williams; 1943 Maria Muldaur; 1944 Barry White; 1954 Peter Scolari.
• 1953: Jacqueline Bouvier marries John F. Kennedy; their first spat is at the reception when JFK suggests a honeymoon three-way with the Maid of Honor.
• 1959: Bonanza premieres.
• 1966: The Monkees premieres.

13 1851 Walter Reed; 1857 Milton S. Hershey; 1860 John J. "Blackjack" Pershing; 1876 Sherwood Anderson; 1925 Mel Torme; 1948 Nell Carter; 1951 David Clayton-Thomas.
• 1788: New York City becomes capital of the United States.
• 1943: Chiang Kai-shek becomes president of China; an hour later, China wants a new president.
• 1965: Today Show's first totally color broadcast; viewers are shocked by how fake Willard Scott's toupee looks.

14 1867 Charles Dana Gibson; 1879 Margaret Sanger; 1908 Clayton Moore; 1938 Walter Koenig; 1944 Joey Heatherton; 1964 Faith Ford.
• 1956: First prefrontal lobotomy performed; this happens, appropriately enough, in Washington D.C.
• 1965: F-Troop premieres.
• 1972: The Waltons premieres.
• 1981: Entertainment Tonight premieres.

15 1889 Robert Benchley; 1890 Dame Agatha Christie; 1894 Jean Renoir; 1913 John Mitchell; 1921 Jackie Cooper; 1924 Bobby Short; 1927 Norm Crosby; 1933 Henry Darrow; 1938 Gaylord Perry; 1940 Merlin Olsen; 1946 Tommy Lee Jones, Oliver Stone.
• 1830: First person to be run-over by a railroad train (William Huskisson, England).
• 1946: Dodgers v. Cubs game is called off in 5th inning because of gnats.
• 1959: Soviet Premier Khrushchev arrives in U.S. for 13-day visit.

16 1387 Henry V; 1638 Louis XIV; 1875 James Cash Penney; 1914 Allen Funt; 1924 Lauren Bacall, Bess Myerson; 1925 B.B. King; 1926 Robert Schuller; 1927 Peter Falk, Jack Kelly; 1932 Anne Francis; 1933 George Chakiris; 1934 Elgin Baylor; 1949 Ed Begley Jr., Susan Ruttan; 1958 Jennifer Tilly.
• 1630: Massachusetts village of Shawmut changes name to Boston; it's an old Indian word for "New York Yankees suck!"
• 1782: Great Seal of U.S. first used; originally scheduled to debut in 1780, but couldn't quite get that ball to balance on its nose.
• 1908: General Motors founded.
• 1963: Outer Limits premieres.
• 1964: Shindig premieres.
• 1968: Richard Nixon appears on Laugh-In; finally has it socked to him in 1974.
• 1983: Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes a U.S. citizen.
• 1984: Miami Vice premieres; pastel colors sweep nation.

17 1923 Hank Williams; 1927 George Blanda; 1928 Roddy McDowall; 1931 Anne Bancroft; 1935 Ken Kesey; 1948 John Ritter; 1955 Rita Rudner.
• 1776: Presidio of San Francisco forms as a Spanish fort; converted to condos in 1811.
• 1927: Charles Lindbergh visits San Francisco; many residents hope to "Get Lucky" with Lindy.
• 1957: Two male attorneys "stand in" for actress Sophia Loren & producer Carlo Ponti who wed by proxy in Juarez, Mexico; the duo are hounded out of the legal profession and open an aromatherapy boutique in Key West.
• 1964: Bewitched premieres.

18 1905 Eddie "Rochester" Anderson, Claudette Colbert, Agnes De Mille; Greta Garbo; 1916 Rossano Brazzi; 1920 Jack Warden; 1933 Robert Blake, Roman Polanski; 1939 Fred Willard; 1940 Frankie Avalon; 1961 James Gandolfini.
• 1793: George Washington lays cornerstone of Capitol building; insert your own "Washington was such a horndog" joke here.
• 1851: The New York Times begins publishing; is immediately blasted for “liberal bias” by the New York Post.
• 1965 Get Smart premieres

19 1905 Leon Jaworski; 1911 William Golding; 1926 Lurleen Wallace; 1928 Adam West; 1930 Rosemary Harris; 1932 Mike Royko; 1933 David McCallum; 1940 Bill Medley, Paul Williams; 1943 Mama Cass Elliot; 1945 Freda Payne; 1948 Jeremy Irons; 1949 Twiggy Lawson; 1950 Joan Lunden; 1958 Kevin Hooks.
• 1846: Elizabeth Barrett & Robert Browning elope; this is the last known romantic heterosexual event in all poetry.
• 1959: Nikita Krushchev is denied access to Disneyland; historians still debate whether a ride on "It's a Small World" would have sped up detente or sparked World War III.
• 1970: Mary Tyler Moore Show premieres.
• 1981: Simon & Garfunkel reunite for a NYC Central Park concert; after the show, Garfunkel wanders off and is never heard from again.

20 1878 Upton Sinclair; 1917 Arnold "Red" Auerbach; 1928 Dr. Joyce Brothers; 1929 Anne Meara; 1934 Sophia Loren; 1938 Pia Lindstom; 1941 Dale Chihuly; 1951 Guy LaFleur; 1957 Fran Drescher.
• 1519: Ferdinand Magellan sets off on first successful circumnavigation of the globe; if by "successful" you mean Magellan getting killed along the way, losing four of of his five ships and only 22 of his 270 men making it back alive.
• 1972: Police find cannabis growing on Paul & Linda McCartney's farm; "Oh, we thought it was just, you know, weeds back there," says McCartney, just barely able to keep a straight face.
• 1973: Billy Jean King beats Bobby Riggs in battle-of-the-sexes contest for which tennis player is the biggest attention whore.
• 1968: Mickey Mantle hits final career homer #536; celebratory round of drinks lasts until spring training 1971.
• 1985: Walt Disney World's 200-millionth guest overpays for parking, guest passes, popcorn...
• 1990: East and West Germany ratify reunification; mapmakers rejoice.

21 1912 Chuck Jones; 1931 Larry Hagman; 1932 Melvin Van Peebles; 1934 Leonard Cohen; 1935 Henry Gibson; 1944 Hamilton Jordan; 1947 Stephen King; 1950 Bill Murray; 1968 Ricki Lake.
• 1780: Benedict Arnold gives British Major Andre plans to West Point; later claims he thought Andre was a feng shui master brought in to help with the flow of West Point's "chi".
• 1897: New York Sun newspaper runs the famous "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus," editorial.
• 1937: J.R.R. Tolkien, publishes The Hobbit.
• 1942: B-29 Superfortress makes its debut; bombs.
• 1957: Isn't it true that the long-running courtroom drama Perry Mason premiered on this date of the aforementioned year? Isn't it?

22 1791 Michael Faraday; 1885 Erich von Stroheim; 1895 Paul Muni; 1927 Tom Lasorda; 1928 Eugene Roche; 1932 Ingemar Johansson; 1956 Debby Boone; 1960 Scott Baio, Joan Jett; 1961 Catherine Oxenberg.
• 1964: Fiddler on the Roof opens on Broadway.
• 1964: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. premieres.
• 1970: President Nixon requests 1,000 new FBI agents for college campuses; before going undercover, each is issued bell-bottom trousers and a paisely shirt from JCPenney.

23 1869 Edgar Lee Masters; 1889 Walter Lippmann; 1900 Louise Nevelson; 1920 Mickey Rooney; 1926 John Coltrane; 1930 Ray Charles; 1938 Romy Schneider; 1943 Julio Iglesias; 1945 Paul Petersen; 1947 Mary Kay Place; 1949 Bruce Springsteen; 1967 Harry Connick Jr.
• 1806: Lewis & Clark Expedition returns to St Louis to find that the neighbor kid they'd hired hadn't been taking in the mail, picking up the newspaper or feeding the dog.
• 1952: Richard Nixon makes his "Checkers" speech; career doesn't actually go to the dogs for another 22 years.
• 1977: Oh, the humanity! Cheryl Ladd replaces Farrah Fawcett on Charlie's Angels.

24 1896 F. Scott Fitzgerald; 1921 Jim McKay; 1934 John Brunner; 1936 Jim Henson; 1946 "Mean" Joe Greene.
• 1964: Ringo Starr forms Brikley Building Company Ltd.; you know, just in case the whole Beatles thing doesn't pan out.
• 1968: 60 Minutes premieres; viewers complain that Mike Wallace is "Kind of old and grouchy."
• 1991: In its specialest episode ever, Doogie Howser loses his virginity.

25 1897 William Faulkner; 1903 Mark Rothko; 1905 Red Smith; 1906 Dimitri Shostakovich; 1907 Robert Bresson; 1918 Phil Rizzuto; 1926 Aldo Ray; 1944 Michael Douglas; 1949 Anson Williams; 1951 Mark Hamill; 1952 Christopher Reeve.
• 1926: Henry Ford announces the 8 hour, 5-day work week; for himself, anyway.
• 1980: Chevy Chase calls Cary Grant a "homo" on the Tomorrow show; thus begins Chase's transformation from popular comic actor to insufferable jackass.
• 1926: Henry Ford announces the 8 hour, 5-day work week; workers thrilled until they remember they're paid by the hour.
• 1939: Versailles Peace Treaty forgot to include Andorra, so Andorra & Germany finally sign an official treaty ending World War I, just in time for the upcoming conflict to qualify as "World War II".
• 1966: Smallest Yankee stadium crowd, 413, see White Sox win 4-1.
• 1981: Called the "Wow, Keith Survived the '70s! Tour" the Rolling Stones begin their sixth jaunt through the U.S.

26 1914 Jack LaLanne; 1933 Donna Douglas; 1944 Anne Robinson; 1945 Brian Ferry; 1946 Mary Beth Hurt; 1948 Olivia Newton-John; 1962 Melissa Sue Anderson.
• 1957: West Side Story, opens on Broadway.
1962: The Beverly Hillbillies premieres.
• 1968: Hawaii Five-O premieres.
• 1969: Beatles release Abbey Road.
• 1960: Longest speech in UN history is given by Fidel Castro; it lasts 4 hours, 29 minutes and 7 cohibas.
• 1986: Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy) "returns" to Dallas, his death in the previous season attributed to his wife's "bad dream"; viewers' bad dream continues until the show ends in 1991.

27 1722 Samuel Adams; 1792 George Cruikshank; 1840 Thomas Nast; 1895 George Raft; 1896 Sam Ervin; 1920 William Conrad; 1922 Arthur Penn; 1926 Jayne Meadows; 1934 Wilford Brimley, Greg Morris, Dick Schaap; 1947 Meatloaf, Cheryl Tiegs.
• 1937: First Santa Claus school opens; incoming freshman receive frosty reception.
• 1954: Steve Allen's The Tonight Show premieres.

28 1573 Caravaggio; 1901 William S. Paley; 1902 Ed Sullivan; 1905 Max Schmeling; 1909 Al Capp; 1916 Peter Finch; 1924 Marcello Mastroianni; 1934 Brigitte Bardot; 1948 Phil Hartman; 1964 Janeane Garofalo.
• 551 BC: Confucius’ birthday. Wise man say, “You don't look a day over 29.”
• 1850: Flogging on U.S. Navy vessels abolished; sailors must make do with rum and sodomy.
• 1988: Bronx Museum for the Arts opens; Whadda you lookin' at?

29 1758 Horatio Nelson; 1901 Enrico Fermi; 1907 Gene Autry; 1908 Greer Garson; 1912 Michelangelo Antonioni; 1913 Stanley Kramer; 1929 Bob Newhart, Silvio Berlusconi; 1931 Anita Ekberg; 1932 Robert Benton; 1942 Madeline Kahn, Jean-Luc Ponty; 1943 Lech Walesa; 1948 Bryant Gumbel; 1970 Emily Lloyd.
• 1969: Love, American Style premieres.
• 1979: Pope John Paul II is first pope to visit Ireland; briefly replaces sacramental wine with Guinness.

30 1921 Deborah Kerr; 1924 Truman Capote; 1928 Elie Wiesel; 1931 Angie Dickinson; 1939 Len Cariou; 1942 Frankie Lymon; 1947 Marc Bolan.
• 1452: Johann Guttenberg's Bible is first book ever published; many wait the 500-plus years for the cassette-tape version.
• 1885: Bechuanaland becomes a British protectorate; and not a moment too soon.
• 1960: The Flintstones premieres.