CINEMA
Religulous — Blasphemoronic.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua — Perrotechnics.
Rachel Getting Married –– Aisle be damned.
An American Carol — Dummy Moore.
Flash of Genius –– Swiper blades.
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People –– Invite them to this.
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist –– Shuffle bored.
Allah Made Me Funny –– Hajji-har-har.
Ballast –– Dead wait.
Just Buried –– Dug 'e fresh.
The Pleasure of Being Robbed –– Klepto moanier.
Nights in Rodanthe — An old man's fanthe.
Eagle Eye — Shia la pouf.
Miracle at St. Anna — Effed troop.
Blindness –– Eye give up.
All Roads Lead Home –– Sticks figures.
Choke –– Extremely hard to swallow.
Fireproof –– Modesty blaze.
Amazing Truth about Queen Raquela –– Shim shim cherie.
Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story –– The original Bush wacker.
Humboldt County –– Romancing the stoned.
The Lucky Ones –– In the multiplex theater next door.
Obscene –– Jester.
Shoot on Sight –– What the director told the DP.
Unspooled –– Sprocket man.
Forever Strong –– Scrum of the earth.
The Class –– École minors.
A Thousand Years of Good Prayers –– Feels like two.
Ghost Town — Whine and spirits.
Lakeview Terrace — Won't you beat my neighbor?
Igor — Ho hump.
My Best Friend's Girl –– A Cook sucker.
Appaloosa –– Aww per loser.
The Duchess –– Noble gas.
Battle in Seattle –– Left, left, left, riot, left.
Elite Squad –– Brasil faulty.
Fräulein –– Swiss miss.
Hounddog –– Pup tense.
Man From London –– Flat bloke.
The Pink Conspiracy –– Beaver trap.
Smother –– Ass fixation.
Pierre Rissient: Man of Cinema –– Buff piece.
Righteous Kill — So both careers deserve to die?
Burn After Reading — For Your Oys Only.
The Women — Estrogen fizz.
Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys –– Faint Preys.
Able Danger –– A Conspiracy of Dunces.
Christmas on Mars –– Mars bahs.
Forgiveness –– Beg off.
Greetings From the Shore –– Is she waving or drowning?
Towelhead –– Sheesh kebab.
Tree of Life –– A stumper.
Secrecy –– The crap's out of the bag.
Moving Midway –– Real low.
Phoebe in Wonderland –– Eat me!
Bangkok Dangerous — Thai die.
A Secret — Vichy-washy.
Everybody Wants to be Italian — Goombah to all that.
The Pool –– Swim pickings.
Mister Foe –– Jive stalker.
Ping Pong Playa –– Paddle jumpers.
Jake's Corner –– A one whore's town.
The House of Adam –– And Steve.
August Evening –– Illegals nest.
Babylon A.D. — D.
Traitor — Do the rat thing.
College — Drop out.
Disaster Movie –– Calamity jape.
Another Gay Sequel –– Cum again.
Ballet Shoes –– In tutu deep.
Maria Bethania: Music is Perfume –– Solo de toilette.
Sukiyaki Western Django –– Samurai'dem, cowboy.
Year of the Fish –– Smells it.
My Mexican Shivah –– Down the spine.
Youssou N'Dour: Return to Goree –– Hard to n'dour.
The Rocker — Lame chops.
The House Bunny — A Hef wit.
Death Race — They've got to be skidding.
The Longshots — Limp Kidzpik.
Cthulhu –– Lovecraft warnings.
Hamlet 2 –– No holds Bard.
I Served the King of England –– Tripe.
I.O.U.S.A. –– Owe, say can you see?
Richard Serra: Thinking On Your Feet –– Que Serra, Serra.
The Sensation of Sight –– The eyes have it.
Ten Nights of Dream –– Reverie, reverie bad.
Trouble the Water –– Bank levee release.
Tropic Thunder — CGI Joe.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona — Spanish bomblet.
The Clone Wars — Dub and Dubber.
Mirrors — Reflects poorly.
Fly Me to the Moon –– Shuttle bug.
Henry Poole Is Here –– Miracle wimp.
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer –– Army of Dorkness.
Girl Cut in Two –– Bisects symbol.
The Flyboys –– Soar heads.
Blitzkreig: Escape from Stalag 69 –– Woofin' SS.
Anita O'Day: The Life of a Music Legend –– Scat-ological.
Never Apologize: A Personal Visit With Lindsay Anderson –– As If....
Apology of an Economic Hit Man –– Sorry.
Pineapple Express — Pot holes.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 — The britches' back.
Elegy — Lamentable.
Bottle Shock — Arse and carafes.
Hell Ride –– Spayed demon.
Patti Smith: Dream of Life –– Patti loveless.
Beautiful Losers –– They don't look that good.
Beer for My Horses –– In a pony glass.
Red –– Screws the pooch.
What We Do Is Secret –– Germs' warfare.
Momma's Man –– Home reeker.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor — Inter the Dragon.
Swing Vote — Pollish joke.
America the Beautiful — In the ire of the beholder.
Frozen River — Ice follies.
In Search of a Midnight Kiss –– Forced bussing.
Kenny –– Potty animal.
Midnight Meat Train –– Sick transit gorier.
Sixty-six –– Bah mitzvah.
Profit Motive and the Whispering Wind –– Rustle mania.
Stealing America: Vote by Vote –– Ballot ruse.
Step Brothers — Made from scraps.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe — That makes one of us.
American Teen — Teeny weenies.
Boy A — Parole-playing.
Brideshead Revisited –– Waugh is Hell.
Bustin' Down the Door –– To exit the theater.
No Regret –– If you don't count the ticket price.
Man on Wire –– Tiptoe through the two towers.
CSNY Déjà Vu –– Wasted on the way.
Red 71 –– Undernoirished.
The Order of Myths –– Muddy Gras.
Canary –– Kyoto tweety.
The Dark Knight — From bat to worse.
Mamma Mia! — ABBA cadaver.
Space Chimps — Banana dickery.
Before I Forget — Too late.
The Doorman –– Rope-a-dope.
Felon –– Punishing.
Wonderful Town –– Thai stuck.
A Man Named Pearl –– Hedges his bets.
Mad Detective –– Snoop dorky dork.
Lou Reed Berlin –– Velveeta Underground.
Take –– A break.
Transsiberian –– The 39 Steppes.
A Very British Gangster –– Hood ornament.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army — Red socks.
Journey to the Center of the Earth — Cores light.
Meet Dave — Itty Murphy.
August — Dot-comical.
Days and Clouds –– Deadly Cirrus.
Death Defying Acts –– Nary Houdini.
Eight Miles High –– Toot, Toot, Teuton (Goodbye.)
The Exiles –– Off the reservation.
Full Battle Rattle –– Faux metal jacket.
Garden Party –– LA weakly.
Another Gay Sequel –– Like M:i:III?
Harold –– And maudlin.
The Stone Angel –– Statue of limitations.
La Riviere Gentille –– L'eau energy.
Hancock — Smith & wussin'.
Tell No One — My lids are sealed.
Diminished Capacity — And returns.
Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson — Fear and lauding.
Holding Trevor –– Huggh!
Kabluey –– Kerflooey.
The Wackness –– Joint at the hip.
We Are Together –– Too pat harmony.
Very Young Girls –– Gulled minors.
Wanted — Dud or alive.
WALL*E — FOLL*E.
Finding Amanda — A slutcom.
Elsa & Fred — Old spice.
Full Grown Men –– Full groan men.
The Last Mistress –– Pantalooney.
Red Roses and Petrol –– Angsty McDowell.
Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, The Mistress and The Tangerine –– Petty Bourgeois.
Trumbo –– Royal Dalton.
Wicked Lake –– Pond scum.
Gunnin' For That #1 Spot –– Pill poppers.
The Love Guru — Swami dearest.
Get Smart — Badder CONTROL.
Brick Lane — Bangladesh slowly.
Expired — Past doo date.
Hair Exensions –– Curl up and die.
Kitt Kittredge: An American Girl –– Pure dumb pluck.
Love and Honor –– Ham on samurai.
Dasavatharam –– Not Bolly good.
The Incredible Hulk — Green stomps.
The Happening — Shyamalan-a-ding-dong.
Baghead — Anonymous botch.
Beauty in Trouble — Stimulus Czech.
Chris & Don: A Love Story –– Arse and letters.
Encounters at the End of the World –– Frigid dare.
Love Comes Lately –– The rusty shtupper.
My Winnipeg –– Canada dry.
Quid Pro Quo –– Handicapped porking.
To the Limit –– Way beyond mine.
You Don't Mess with the Zohan — Schmo dry.
Kung Fu Panda — The bear minimum.
Go-Getter — Road tripe.
Dreams with Sharp Teeth — Harlan Ellison flaps his gums.
Miss Conception –– Her biological crock.
The Grocer's Son –– Shelf-absorbed.
Mongol –– Horde times.
On the Rumba River –– Congo line.
Mother of Tears –– Giallo pudding.
The Promotion –– Salary stalks.
The Wedding Director –– Nuptial blister.
Operation Filmmaker –– A docudectomy.
Take Out –– And bury in the garden.
When Did You Last See Your Father? –– When he was bangin' yo mama.
Sex and the City — Ovary familiar.
The Strangers — As tense as a numb sphincter.
Bigger, Stronger, Faster* — The 'Roid Stuff.
Foot Fist Way —Tae Kwan Dope.
Savage Grace –– Cold-blooded mudder.
Stuck –– On the Roadkill.
Unknown Woman –– Vile puttanesca.
Wonders are Many: The Making of Doctor Atomic –– A-bomb.

OSCAR de la RENTAL 2008

Atonement — Reparation H.
Juno — Unwanted pregnancy and film.
Michael Clayton — Nuisance suits.
No Country for Old Men — Coen job.
There Will Be Blood — In vein.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — Serial killer.
War Inc. — Stale matériel.
Edge of Heaven — Cold Turkey.
Insidious — Is hideous.
Jihad for Love –– Jihad-ons.
Postal –– Out of sorts.
Children of Huang Shi –– Sheesh!
The Machine Girl –– Show gun.
The Fall –– Surreal flakes.
Monster Camp –– Dressed to kill…a Vampire Duskbat?
Noise –– Turn it down.
A Previous Engagement — Malta milked.
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian — You fight like a girl…nar, nar, nar, nar, nar…nia.
How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summers — Chica flick-a.
Reprise — Norway, José.
Sangre de Mi Sangre — Bloody awful.
My Father, My Lord –– My Gawd!.
Short Order –– Overcooked.
Yella –– Peril.
Paraguyan Hammock — Hamaca schlepper.
Speed Racer — Or: Zippy the Pinhead.
What Happens in Vegas — Strip maul.
The Babysitters — Tit for tot.
Bloodline — The Da Vinci Cheat Code.
Refusnik — Nyet results.
The Tracey Fragments — Blows chunks.
Surfwise — Waxing philosophic.
Turn the River — Rapids descent.
Unsettled — Gaza guzzlers.
Vice — Pleads the filth.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead — Cheep thrills.
The Memory Thief — Should be recalled.
Before the Rains — Monsoon enough.
Frontier(s) — French slash.
Iron Man — Less than riveting.
Made of Honor — Or a synthetic substitute thereof.
Fugitive Pieces — On the lame.
The Favor — Does me no.
Redbelt –– Redbull.
Graduation –– College-boned.
Son of Rambow –– Twee huggers.
Mister Lonely — That would be the guy selling tickets.
XXY — A surprise package.
Viva — A trip down Mammery Lane.
Hollywood Chinese: The Chinese in American Feature Films — Beijing and moaning.
Baby Mama — Pee didie.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay — But I thought they ran the place.
Deception — Scambags.
Bomb It — Learning to scrawl.
Deal –– From the bottom of the dreck.
Then She Found Me –– Cringing under my seat.
Standard Operating Procedure –– Iraq and ruin.
Roman de Gare — Cloyed Lelouch.
Rogue — A total croc.
The City of Your Final Destination — Dullsville.
Dare Not Walk Alone: A War of Responsibility — King strut.
Stuff and Dough — Ego Romania.
Without the King — Swazi joking?
Forbidden Kingdom — Chop shticks.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall — Done.
88 Minutes — Gee, that is pretty fast to write a script.
Anamorph — The plot sickens.
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed –– Win Ben Stein's money –– don't go.
Beyond the Call –– Of doody.
Life Before Her Eyes –– Flashblechh!
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? — Hunt and pecker.
Zombie Strippers — Ickdysiasts.
Kiss the Bride — As she bends over.
Four Minutes — Soft-boiled.
Pathology — Interns my stomach.
First Saturday in May — Derby enthusiasm.
Smart People — Not in the audience.
Street Kings — Block heads.
Prom Night — Rended tux.
Bra Boys — Surf wacks.
The Visitor –– Unwelcome.
Dark Matter –– Like the stuff in the frat house drain.
Young@Heart –– Rock of aged.
Dhamma Brothers — Even Dhamma than you'd expect.
Never Forever — I'll take Never.
Remember the Daze — Muddle school.
Stalags — A pain in the SS.
Super High Me — Spliff personality.
A Four Letter Word — For witless gay romcom starting with S.
Young & Restless in China — Asia minor.
The Take — Ew-Haul.
Leatherheads — Take a hike.
Ruins — My evening.
My Blueberry Nights — A Wong turn.
Shine a Light — Where the sun don't shine.
Sex and Death 101 –– Flunk U.
Nim's Island — Takes atoll.
Meet Bill — Bill grates.
Flight of the Red Balloon — A lead balloon.
Grizzly Park —Grisly.
Water Lillies — Bull frogs.
Jellyfish — Spineless.
Young Yakuza — Child hood.
Run, Fat Boy, Run — Pegg in a poke.
Stop-Loss — Droop rotation.
21 — Hit me…when it's over.
Superhero Movie — Sequel to none.
Cool School — Smear tactics.
My Brother is an Only Child –– Full of Bologna.

Priceless — I wouldn't pay a penny.
Flawless — Karat and shtick.
American Zombie —Dead, white and blue.
Chapter 27 — Tracing Chapman.
Who's Your Monkey — His name is Koko and he thinks this stinks, too.
Flow: For Love of Water — Aqua puerile.
Shotgun Stories — Snored off.
Shelter — Skelter.
Hats Off — Grandma poses.
Backseat — Little douche coupe.
Drillbit Taylor — Boring.
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns — Acute case of Perrytonitis.
Love Songs — Air mal.
Shutter — Bugs.
Under the Same Moon — Smug gulls.
The Other Half — The empty one.
Fade — Worse than death.
Planet B-Boy — Gimme a breakdance.
The Grand — Rump stakes.
Irina Palm — Rosy's sister.
Boarding Gate — Deplane! Deplane!
Horton Hears a Who — Ask "Why?"
Never Back Down — Sucker punch.
Doomsday — Road Wearier.
Heartbeat Detector — Bum ticker.
Funny Games — You lose!
Flash Point — Chop cop.
Sleepwalking — Do I have to get up?
Chaos Theory — Entropy-brain.
On Broadway — Play doh!
Blind Mountain — But the hills have eyes.
Meat Loaf: In Search of Paradise — And ketchup.
Sputnik Mania — Orbit curiosity.
War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death — Hawks eyed.
10,000 B.C. — Before Coherence.

The Bank Job — Withdrawal symptoms.
College Road Trip — Phrat house.
Married Life — Atrothcious.
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day — Spinster cycle.
Paranoid Park — Youth Without Use.
CJ7 — Chow down.
Snow Angels — Flaky.
Last Stop for Paul — Ashes to asses.
The Hammer — And sicko.
Girls Rock! — She pop.
Bar Starz — Clubbed to death.
Semi-Pro — Nothing but nyet.
Penelope — Twist and snout.
The Other Boleyn Girl — With the skinnier neck.
City of Men — Rio degenerates.
Beyond Belief — Tenets, anyone?
The Unforseen — The utterly predictable.
Chicago 10 — Yippie dippy.
Bonneville — Like a salt flat.
Chop Shop — A junker.
It's a Free World… — Exploitation of the misses.
Jar City — In a pickle.
Be Kind Rewind — This case erase.
Vantage Point — Worm's-eye view.
Charlie Bartlett — Dose off.
Witless Protection — Save cracker.
The Counterfeiters — Forge focus.
The Duchess of Langeais — She's a real coquetter.
The Signal — When I yawn, head for the exit.
State Legislature — Boise body.
Cover — My butt.
Definitely, Maybe — Not, assuredly.
Jumper — Jump! Jump!
The Spiderwick Chronicles — Fairy to middling.
Step Up 2 the Streets — From the gutter.
George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead — PDOA.
The Year My Parents Went on Vacation — To get away from me.
Ezra — Not better than.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: Runnin' Down a Dream — With a Mack truck.
The Caretaker — Neglect it.
Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show — Prattle drive.
Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins — Kith my ass.
Fool's Gold — Romcomatose.
In Bruges — Brussels prats.
The Hottie & the Nottie — The bimbo & the dimbo.
A Walk to Beautiful — Addis Abupkiss.
The Band's Visit — Peace cymbals.
Bab'Aziz: The Prince That Contemplated His Soul — A hurling dervish.
How to Rob a Bank — Ditz crackers.
The Eye — Sore.
Over Her Dead Body — Where I'm doing a jig.
Strange Wilderness — A trackless waste.
Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert — Tweenie roast.
Caramel — Gooey.
Vivere — Sister sludge.
The Witnesses — Gay Paris.
Live and Become — Hebro national.
The Silence Before Bach — Toccata and phew!
Rambo — Stallone again (naturally).
Untraceable — No, you'll recognize this scent.
Meet the Spartans — Greeks havoc.
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days — The fetal countdown.
Trailer Park Boys: The Movie — Towed stools.
How She Move — Why me hate.
The Air I Breathe — Tastes like tailpipe.
Lost in Beijing — Dim some.
Kenny — Oz bodkins!
U2 3D — 4-F.
Cloverfield — Godzilla vs. Digicamera.
Mad Money — Heisterical!
Teeth — Ground pork.
Cassandra's Dream — Woody's annual chuck up.
Day Zero — A rough draft.
Taxi to the Dark Side — Death cab for Cheney.
Summer Palace — Chinese yen.
Still Life — Yangtze, go home.
Opera Jawa — Jawa-dropping.