Waging Heavy Peace by Neil Young –– Hey, Hey, Meh, Meh.
God Believes in Love by Gene Robinson –– Bishop to queen fore.
America Again: Re-Becoming the Greatness We Never Weren’t by Stephen Colbert –– The Colbert minimum.
Joseph Anton by Salman Rushdie –– Salman moose.
The Price of Politics by Bob Woodward –– Retailgate party.
The Oath by Jeffrey Toobin –– Swears thin.
The Black Count by Tom Reiss –– Cristo consciousness.
500 Days by Kurt Eichenwald –– Terror hoot.
The New New Deal by Michael Grunwald –– Nah New, nah New.
The Corruption Chronicles by Tom Fitton, Fool Me Twice: Obama's Shocking Plans for the Next Four Years Exposed by Aaron Klein, Obama's America: Unmaking the American Dream by Dinesh D’Souza, The Amateur by Edward Klein, The Great Destroyer: Barack Obama's War on the Republic by David Limbaugh, No Higher Power: Obama’s War on Religious Freedom by Phyllis Schlafly & George Neumayr –– Barry bombs.
Mortality by Christopher Hitchens –– DOA.
No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden by Mark Owen & Kevin Maurer –– Nervy SEAL.
Boss Rove by Craig Unger –– Karl mocks.
Paterno by Joe Posnanski –– Penn pal.
Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story: A Life of David Foster Wallace by D.T. Max –– Infinite gist.
My Heart Is an Idiot: Essays by Davy Rothbart –– It’s not alone.
Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman –– But mostly slow.
Paris: A Love Story by Kati Marton –– Amour or less.
The Signal and the Noise by Nate Silver –– I missed the signal.
The Passage of Power by Robert Caro –– Johnson & johnson.
Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen –– Twee party.
Drift by Rachel Maddow –– Don’t catch hers.
Prague Winter by Madeleine Korbel Albright –– Counterfeit Czechs.
What Money Can’t Buy by Michael J. Sandel –– Like the ability to write well.
Killing Lincoln by Bill O’Reilly –– Abe-minus.
Mrs. Kennedy and Me by Lisa McCubbin –– Jackie brown nose.
Quiet by Susan Cain –– Hush poopy.
Imagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer –– Dreamweevil.
Dropped Names by Frank Langella –– Cock tale chatter.
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson –– I wish.
Bossypants by Tina Fey –– Fey wry.
The Secret Knowledge: On the Dismantling of American Culture by David Mamet –– "And My Part In It."
On China by Henry Kissinger –– The World of Henry Orient.
Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? by Steven Tyler –– No, it's the noise coming out of your mouth.
The Greater Journey: Americans in Paris by David G. McCullogh –– Expat opinion.
Demonic: How the Liberal Mob is Endangering America by Ann Coulter — Torn lib from lib.
Known and Unknown by Donald Rumsfeld — And Lied About.
Against All Odds by Scott Brown — Brown v. bored of education.
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua — Paw excuses.
A Widow's Story by Joyce Carol Oates — Puffed Oates.
The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos by Brian Greene — Mind blowing? No, he doesn't.
Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 1 by Mark Twain — Todger Clemens.
Cleopatra: A Life by Stacy Schiff — Cleo lame.
Broke: The Plan to Restore Our Trust, Truth and Tresure by Glenn Beck — The whore on poverty.
Decoded by Jay-Z — Criptic.
America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Flag, and Faith by Sarah Palin — I pledge elisions.
I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron — Of this.
Decision Points by George W. Bush — To disaster.
Life by Keith Richards — Lessens.
Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race by Jon Stewart — Terra alert.
Trickle Up Poverty: Stopping Obama's Attack on Our Borders, Economy, and Security by Michael Savage — Dick Savage.
Obama's Wars by Bob Woodward — Army Barack.
The Last Boy by Jane Leavy — Mantle breakdown.
At Home by Bill Bryson — House, bound.
Pinheads and Patriots by Bill O'Reilly — He knows his audience.
Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max— Others are still writing.
The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking — Hawking trifles.
Crimes Against Liberty: An Indictment of President Barack Obama by David Limbaugh — Memo to Ripley: Rush has an even nuttier brother.
Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern — Too pooped to Pop.
Bob Dylan in America by Sean Wilentz — Bob's big buoy.
Medium Raw by Anthony Bourdain — Underdone.
WAR by Sebastian Junger — What is it good for?
A Journey by Tony Blair — Blair of the White Worm.
The Bridge by David Remnick — To nowhere.
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler — Chelsea fellately.
Courage and Consequence by Karl Rove — And other words he can't define.
No Apology: The Case for American Greatness by Mitt Romney — Sorry.
Change Your Brain, Change Your Body by Daniel G. Amen — Change your BVDs.
Son of Hamas by Mosab Hassan Yousef — And a bitch.
Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer — Veggie bugger.
Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime by John Heilemann & Mark Halperin — Poll dancers.
I Am Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne — Oohs and Ozz.
The Politician by Andrew Young — Candidate rape.
Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert — Wed willies.
Just Kids by Patti Smith — Punky booster.
The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande — To-doo-doo.
Going Rogue by Sarah Palin — Rogue rage.
Open by Andre Agassi — Sore.
Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom — Belief encounter.
What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell — When he looked behind himself squatting.
Too Big to Fail by Andrew Ross Sorkin — Megacorpse.
Highest Duty: My Search for What Really Matters by Capt. Chesley B. Sullenberger — Sully pity.
The Murder of King Tut by James Patterson — Rut-tut-tut.
Arguing With Idiots by Glenn Beck — Or Talking to Myself.
True Compass by Edward M. Kennedy — Teddy bearings.
Culture of Corruption: Obama and His Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks, and Cronies by Michelle Malkin — Malkintent.
In the President's Secret Service by Ronald Kessler — Tail to the Chief.
Zeitoun by Dave Eggers — Flood plaint.
Born to Run by Christopher McDougall — Sprints racket.
Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson by Ian Halperin — Pop smear.
Catastrophe by Dick Morris — He got another book deal!
The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook by Ben Mezrich — They couldn't know how many losers were online.
Mommywood by Tori Spelling — Candy caned.
The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite by David Kessler — Stuff and nonsense.
Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards — John pryin'.
Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox — Because you're flat on your back.
My Remarkable Journey by Larry King — Requires suspenders of disbelief.
Losing Mum and Pup by Christopher Buckley — Should've kept mum.
Unfinished Business: What the Dead Can Teach Us About Life by James Van Praagh — Souls train.
Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto by Mark R. Levin — Levin on the edge.
The Yankee Years by Joe Torre — Jiltin' Joe.
The Lost City of Z by David Grann — Catch some Zs.
Out of Captivity: Surviving 1,967 Days in the Colombian Jungle by Marc Gonsalves — Like I give a FARC.
Last Lion: The Fall and Rise of Ted Kennedy by Peter S. Canellos — Teddy bore.
The Gamble: General David Petraeus and the American Military Adventure in Iraq, 2006-2008 by Thomas E. Ricks — GI joke.
American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House by Jon Meacham — Old Dickery.
Too Fat to Fish by Artie Lang — Or to float.
Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher — Queen of cups.
No Limits by Michael Phelps — Or shirt.
Multiple Blessings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets by Jon & Kate Gosselin — Brood awakening.
Annie Leibovitz at Work by Annie Liebovitz — Cold snaps.
Mrs. Astor Regrets by Meryl Gordon — That she's dead.
Why We Suck by Denis Leary — That's the royal We.
Don't Mind If I Do by George Hamilton — Tan lines.
American Prince by Tony Curtis — Tony coitus.
The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life by Alice Schroeder — Berkshire hath a way.
A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity by Bill O'Reilly — Which smells just like shit.
21 Nights by Prince — Purple drain.
Pieces of My Heart by Robert Wagner — Hart to hard-on.
Hot, Flat, and Crowded by Thomas L. Friedman — Like Paris Hilton's patootie.
Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World by Vicki Myron — That sinking feline.
The War Within by Bob Woodward — Kvetchin' Cabinet.
Boys Will Be Boys by Jeff Pearlman — Dull as Cowboys.
The Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and The Cult of Personality by Jerome R. Corsi — A Swift Boat to the gut.
The Case Against Barack Obama by David Freddoso — Prima fascist evidence.
Faith of My Fathers by John McCain — The patriot act.
Drinking and Tweeting: And Other Brandi Blunders by Brandi Glanville –– Brandi X.
American Sniper by Jim DeFelice –– Triggernosis.
Life With My Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone — Her brother's creeper.
The Post-American World by Fareed Zakaria — Afterberth.
The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder by Vincent Bugliosi — POTUS Operandi.
When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris — Singe City.
Fleeced by Dick Morris — Shear idiocy.
My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor — Cerebral.
Me of Little Faith by Lewis Black — High rant.
What Happened by Scott McClellan — So did shit.
Audition by Barbara Walters — Next!
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler — Hooch coochie.
Escape by Caroline Jessop — I'm gone.
Armageddon in Retrospect by Kurt Vonnegut — Kilgore Trout variations.
The Revolution: A Manifesto by Ron Paul — More Gummo than Karl Marx.
Ladies of Liberty: The Women Who Shaped a Nation by Cokie Roberts — Notre dames.
Home: A Memoir of My Early Years by Julie Andrews — Poppins off.
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science & Sex by Mary Roach — Bunk mates.
Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Meth Addiction by David Sheff — Speed reading.
sTori Telling by Tori Spelling — wHori smelling.
Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time by Valerie Bertinelli — Diet of worms.
The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby — Or: The Bush Years.
Reconciliation: Islam, Democracy, and the West by Benazir Bhutto — Awwkward!
Send Yourself Roses by Kathleen Turner — Four Roses.
Manic: A Memoir by Terri Cheney — Bipolar express.
Love and Consequences by Margaret B. Jones — But no truth.
Iceman: My Fighting Life by Chuck Liddell — Martial arse.
The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner — Churl's atlas.
Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography by Andrew Morton — Top gunk.
Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning by Jonah Goldberg — Sieg Hil.
Real Change: From the World That Fails to the World That Works by Newt Gingrich — A penny for his thoughts.
90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death & Life by Don Piper — 208 minutes in Hell.
In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto by Michael Pollan — Trench mouth.
Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain by Oliver Sacks – Looney tunes.
An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems by Genn Beck – Hazardous emissions.
Boom!: Voices of the Sixties Personal Reflections on the '60s and Today by Tom Brokaw – The laidest generation.
The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court by Jeffrey Toobin – Robe-a-dope.
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life by Steve Martin – Mild and lazy.
Rescuing Sprite: A Dog Lover's Story of Joy and Anguish by Mark Levin – A yapping bitch and his dog.
Good Dog. Stay. by Anna Quinlen – Curb appeal.
I Am America (And So Can You) by Stephen Colbert – Pundittohead.
Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy – Religious Colt.
The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx – Motley crude.
Slash by Slash – Slush.
Clapton: The Autobiography by Eric Clapton – Written slow hand.
My Grandfather's Son: A Memoir by Clarence Thomas – Scary decisis.
Lyrics by Sting – Oh, Po–lice!
Fair Game by Valerie Plame Wilson – On the outs.
The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown – The Princess and the Pea Brain.
Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes by Thomas Cathcart – A real Schopenhowler.
Jesus of Nazareth by Pope Benedict XVI – Pope fiction.
Presidential Courage by Michael Beschloss – Inaugural balls.
God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens – Throws pious in your face.
The Assault on Reason by Al Gore – Path o' logical.
The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb – Meet the flockers.
At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA by George Tenet – Preaching to the coverted.
Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson – Fad Albert.
Where Have All the Leaders Gone? by Lee Iacocca – Chrysler crossfire.
How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman – Whoa, I just asked and she took off her panties!
This Moment on Earth by John Kerry & Teresa Heinz Kerry – Playing ketchup on the environment.
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne – Psst off.
Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog by John Grogan – Like a little gift left on your rug.
Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid by Jimmy Carter – Hamas appeal.
The Enemy At Home: The Cultural Left and Its Responsibility for 9/11 by Dinesh D'Souza – Pin the blame on the donkey.
Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich by Mark Kriegel – Misfire.
Culture Warrior by Bill O'Reilly – Onan the Barbarian.
The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream by Barack Obama – Poll vaulting.
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins – Beyond belief.
I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris – Hostess ding-dong.
The Innocent Man by John Grisham – A guilty pain.
State of Denial by Bob Woodward – Stating the oblivious.
I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron – Crow's feat.
Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons by Tim Russert – Meet Depress.
Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann Coulter – Bitching for a fight.
The Right Words at the Right Time Volume 2 : Your Turn! by Marlo Thomas – Just two: Go away.
Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About by Kevin Trudeau – Because "they" don't hear the same voices in "their" heads.
Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent – Cock and bull.
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey – Soap Oprah.
The Ultimate Weight Solution by Phil McGraw – Beheading.
365: No Repeats by Rachael Ray – Except for the recipes with legumes.
100 People Who Are Screwing Up America: (and Al Franken Is #37) by Bernard Goldberg – #1-36: Bush, his Cabinet and 13 White House Staffers. #38-100: the first 63 imbeciles who voted for him.
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell – Blink? Your eyes will be welded shut.
The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the 21st Century by Thomas Friedman – Lacks depth.
The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren – Poor piss-driven.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom – The kitchen staff of Le Bernadin and Beyoncé.
My Life So Far by Jane Fonda – Borebarella.
Freakonomics by Steven Levitt – The sizzling hot side of the sexy science of e...co...nom...iczzzzzzz.