THE AFFRIGHTED STATES OF AMERICA
Fear is the most powerful propellent this side of liquid nitrogen and our marketeers employ it more often than sex to coax the persuadable. Fear was Donald Trump's sole message on the campaign trail in 2016 and his success reveals just how panic-stricken the palpitating heartland of this nation really is.
Terrorism was one of the biggest bugaboos he regularly trotted out along the gutless midsection of America to scare up his Coalition of the Quailing. The chances of Islamic terrorists striking this soft yellow belly were laughably small. The chances of these parochial partisans encountering a Muslim of any stripe were remote. The only experience of radical Islamic fury they'd had was on a series of screens, often in fictional settings, frequently behind a digital RPG as a single shooter.
But how about voters who had lived in proximity to actual attacks, who were plausible targets for jihadic violence? Did they buy into Trump's tough-guy talk and embrace his Islamaphobia? Below, we've recapped some of the more notorious ISIS or al Qaeda-inspired assauts of the last few years by region. After each we provide the presidential election totals for first Hillary Clinton and then Donald Trump.
Trumpists will insist the numbers just reflect the non-whiteness of those local populations. Or that the voters are losers and deserved it. General Michael Flynn will suggest ISIS rigged the results (after eating the poll-workers' babies.) We think they actually reflect some blue steel in the spine.
April 15, 2013 –– The Patriots Day Marathon bombing by two brothers, who don't deserve to have their name repeated, killing three, injuring an estimated 264.
Boston: 81.7% to 14.2%
May 3, 2015 –– Two men open fire outside a Prophet Mohammed cartoon contest in a Dallas suburb.
Dallas County, TX: 61.1% to 34.9% (Dallas effin' Texas!)
November 4, 2015 –– University of California student stabs four people before being shot to death by police.
San Joaquin County, CA: 53.9% to 41%
San Bernardino, CA
December 2, 2015 –– Hatefully-married couple shoot 14 people to death and injure 21 others at a gathering of local government health workers.
San Bernardino County, CA: 52.6% to 41.9%
January 8, 2016 –– A man shoots a police officer three times before being shot by him, then arrested.
Philadelphia: 82.4% to 15.5%
June 12, 2016 –– A gunman kills 49 people at the Pulse nightclub.
Orange County, FL: 60.4% to 35.7%
New York, NY
September 17, 2016 –– A fried chicken chef from Jersey pressure cooks BBs in a dumpster in Chelsea.
October 23, 2014 –– A self-radicalized (why aren't these loons just self-abused after surfing the internet?) man with a hatchet attacks four police officers.
May 1, 2010 –– A guy parks his bomb-laden car and it fizzles out in Times Square.
Oh, and September 11, 2001 –– 2,753 killed at the World Trade Center and as many as 6,294 injured.
Queens: 75.7% to 22.1%
Brooklyn: 79.7% to 17.9%
Manhattan: 87.2% to 10%
The Bronx: 88.7% to 9.6%
Just across the river in Hudson County, New Jersey: 74.5% to 22.6%
Arlington County, VA location of the Pentagon which was also attacked on 9/11 with 125 casualties: 75.8% to 16.6%