TELEVISION

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Claws (TNT) –– Manic-pedi.
Steve Harvey’s Funderdome (ABC) –– Mad mucks.
The American Epic Sessions (PBS) –– Record setting.
Planet of the Apps (Apple) –– Apps of steal.
Sunday Night With Megyn Kelly (NBC) –– Megyn Foxed.
I’m Dying Up Here (SHO) –– Comic sans.
Michael Jackson: Searching for Neverland (Lifetime) –– Nevermind.
World of Dance (NBC) –– Rushin’ steps.
Dirty Dancing (ABC) –– Whirl poo.


Twin Peaks (SHO) –– Peaky blunders.
Billboard Music Awards (ABC) –– Chart remains.
Norm McDonald: Hitler’s Dog, Gossip & Trickery (Netflix) –– Norm core.
Tracy Morgan: Staying Alive (Netflix) –– Morgan stalely.
The Keepers (Netflix) –– Nun violence.
Downward Dog (ABC) –– Yoga the bare.
The Wizard of Lies (HBO) –– Madoff honor.
Rodney King (Netflix) –– Beat.
Bill Nye Saves the World (Netflix) –– It takes some nerd.
The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu) –– Bomb of Gilead.
Anne With an E (Netflix) –– Enne?
American Gods (Starz) –– Doo-wah diety.
Great News (NBC) –– Flash dunce.
Ice (Audience) –– Cold.
Condor (Audience) –– Low-flying.
Genius (Nat Geo) –– ‘Genius’.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (HBO) –– Henrietta lax.
Dear White People (Netflix) –– Race anatomy.

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (Netflix) –– Riff rough.
Girlboss (Netflix) –– eBey.
The Deed (CNBC) –– Low rent.
Julie’s Greenroom (Netflix) –– Stage wispier.
Sandy Wexler (Netflix) –– Flea agent.
Mary Kills People (Lifetime) –– With boredom.
The President Show (COM) –– Trump roast.
Rebel (BET) –– Yelp!
Jungletown (Viceland) –– Panama hate.


The Son (AMC) –– Uvabitch.
Nobodies (TV Land) –– Watching.
The Kennedys: After Camelot (Reelz) –– Jackie yoyo.
Wynonna Earp (Syfy) –– Urp!
Five Came Back (Netflix) –– War’s the pity.
Imaginary Mary (ABC) –– Imagine draggin'.
To Walk Invisible (PBS) –– Brontë tsuris.
13 Reasons Why (Netflix) –– Suicide squat.
The Most Hated Woman in America –– O’Hare-brained scheme.
Marvel’s Iron Fist(Netflix) –– Punchy. 
Trial & Error (NBC) –– Finding jury.
Mama June: From Not to Hot (We) –– June bog.
Making History(FOX) –– Past gas.
Shots Fired (FOX) –– Wing and a nod. 
National Treasure (Hulu) –– Rep torn.
Chicago Justice (NBC) –– Gun Chi.
Maya Angelou: And Still I Rise (PBS) –– My oh Maya.
When We Rise (ABC) –– Gay heirs.
Feud: Bette and Joan (FX) –– Feud fight.
The 89th Academy Awards (ABC) –– LOL La Land.
Patriot (Amazon) –– Loyalty oaf.
The Partner (CNBC) –– Number 2.
Taken (NBC) –– Unparticular set of skills.
The High Court (COM) –– Pot stinker.
Sun Records (CMT) –– Sham Phillips.
Ultimate Beastmaster (Netflix) –– Wrangle biters.
The Blacklist: Redemption (NBC) –– Better dead than Red.
The Good Fight (CBS) –– A new lease on Wife.
Crashing (HBO) –– Stay the coarse.
Doubt (CBS) –– Beyond reasonable.
Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy Valentine’s Day Special (Netflix) –– Friends romance countrymen.
David Brent: Life on the Road (Netflix) –– Office nut.
Legion (FX) –– Of indecency.
Big Little Lies (HBO) –– Fib bit.
59th Annual Grammy Awards (CBS) –– Number crunchers.
Detroiters (COM) –– Detroit pissed-ons.
The History of Comedy (CNN) –– Yucky.
APB (FOX) –– All pointless.
24: Legacy (FOX) –– Another day, another dullard.
Santa Clarita Diet (Netflix) –– Lose lunch.
Powerless (NBC) –– Sidekick friends’ network.
Superior Donuts (CBS) –– Holed everything.
Training Day (CBS) –– Rookie mistake.
Detroit Steel (HIST) –– Slag off.
Rise (Viceland) –– And beans.
Z: The Beginning of Everything (Amazon) –– Zelda abuse.
I Love Dick (Amazon) –– Penis ennui.
Detroit Steel (HIST) –– Slag off.
Riverdale (CW) –– Archie and Ironica.
Downward Dog (ABC) –– Curs of the cat people.
Hunted (CBS) –– Catches some z’s.
Clinical (Netflix) –– Depression.
Frontier (Netflix) –– Loosey van pelt.
Beaches (Lifetime) –– Gal pales.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Netflix) –– Olaf riot.
The Young Pope (HBO) –– Ill Papa.
Victoria (PBS) –– Falls.
Six (HIST) –– SEALS the deal.
Sneaky Pete (Amazon) –– Pete’s draggin’.
First Family of Hip Hop (Bravo) –– Rap's killer.
Summer House (Bravo) –– Montauk soup.
Truth and Lies: The Menendez Brothers (ABC) –– Bros and cons.
Emerald City (NBC) –– Doctored Oz.


Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds (HBO) –– Filial pity.
New Celebrity Apprentice (NBC) –– Arnold bomber.
The Wall (NBC) –– Scale pay.
One Day at a Time (Netflix) –– Cuba gooing juniors.
Beyond (Freeform) –– The pail.
Taboo (FOX) –– Offal limits.
Ransom (CBS) –– Hostage la vista.
The OA (Netflix) –– The No Way.
The Mick (Fox) –– Mick jagged.
Hairspray Live! (NBC) –– Makes do.
Star (FOX) –– Dreck.
Spatial (Netflix) –– Retchie Watts.
Michael Che Matters (Netflix) –– Che’s lounge.
Colin Quinn: The New York Story (Netflix) –– Urban miffs.
3% (Netflix) –– The grueling class.
Easy (Netflix) –– Not to watch.
Faces and Sounds (HBO) –– Holmes inversion.
Shut Eye (Hulu) –– Shut both.
Mariah’s World (E!) –– Crash and Carey.
Search Party (TBS) –– Utterly lost.
Soundbreaking: Stories From the Cutting Edge of Recorded Music (PBS) –– Tracks records.
Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath (A&E) –– Priceless Leah.
Incorporated (Syfy) –– Inc. sack.
The Grand Tour (Amazon) –– Flop gear.
Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life (Netflix ) –– They’re hookers now?
Nightcap (Pop) –– Sink to sleep.
Sweet/Vicious (MTV) –– Bi low.

TOP

Good Behavior (TNT) –– Hackery, Dockery, dick.
Shooter (USA) –– Pee Shooter.
The Crown (Netflix) –– Eyes Queen.
Mars (Nat Geo) –– A tax.
Stan Against Evil (IFC) –– Ass vs. evil dead.
People of Earth (TBS) –– Abduct tape.
Good Girls Revolt (Amazon) –– I’m revolted.
The Great Indoors (CBS) –– McHale’s nervy.
Hamilton’s America (PBS) –– Alexander plotz.


The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again (Fox) –– Trans worse.
Man With a Plan (CBS) –– Plan seared.
Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (BBC America) –– Dread Gently.
Chance (Hulu) –– None.
Killing Reagan (Nat Geo) –– Hit and Ron.
American Housewife (ABC) –– Missus the mark.
Berlin Station (EPIX) –– Zug zag.
Mascots (Netflix) –– Rah footage.
The Siege of Jadotville (Netfix) –– Natal attraction.
Graves (EPIX) –– Shallow Graves.
Crisis in Six Scenes (Amazon) –– Allen thick.
Eyewitness (USA) –– See, spot, run.
Vice News Tonight (HBO) –– Reportin’ sick.
Insecure (HBO) –– She should be.
Goliath (Amazon) –– Colossal failure.
Falling Water (USA) –– Let it drip.
Haters Back Off (Netflix) –– Amanda sinks.
Frequency (CW) –– Never.
Marvel's Luke Cage (Netflix) –– Cage free turkey.
No Tomorrow (CW) –– What this deserves.
Divorce (HBO) –– Shitsville.
Westworld (HBO) –– Friend or faux?
Amanda Knox (Netflix) –– Knox down drag out.
Van Helsing (Syfy) –– Low-stakes.
Pitch (FOX) –– Black.
The Crown (Netflix) –– Liz fair.
The Good Place (NBC) –– Heaven’s grate.
Lethal Weapon (FOX) –– Booby Riggs.
Conviction (ABC) –– Loses appeal.
Versailles (Ovation) –– Vice-Versailles.
Timeless (NBC) –– Wee small hours.
MacGyver (CBS) –– Angus bull.
High Maintenance (HBO) –– Deal breaker.
This Is Us (NBC) –– Poor bastards.
The Exorcist (FOX) –– Out, damn snot.
Designated Survivor (ABC) –– Prez dispenser.
68th Primetime Emmy Awards (ABC) –– Kimmel and bits.
Notorious (ABC) –– A bum rep.
The Case Of: JonBenét Ramsey (CBS) –– Girl interrupted.
Bull (CBS) –– I won’t say shit…I wont say shit…I won’t say shit…
Son of Zorn (FOX) –– Zorn inanity.
Churchill’s Secret (PBS) –– Jowl implants.
Speechless (ABC) –– Unspeakable.
Kevin Can Wait (CBS) –– La bombe James.
Quarry (Cinemax) –– Game theory.

Atlanta (FX) –– Glum rappers.
Quarry (Cinemax) –– Game theory.
Better Things (FX) –– Are on other channels.
Dateline NBC: Who Killed JonBenet? (NBC) –– Family plot.
One Mississippi (Amazon) –– Doo Mississippi.
Fleabag (Amazon) –– The hole she bang.
StartUp (Crackle) –– ShutDown.
Eat the World (Amazon) –– And me.
Mary + Jane (MTV) –– Waste high.
XOXO (Netflix) –– Rave gauche.


Better Late Than Never (NBC) –– Fogey bottom.
Queen Sugar (OWN) –– Sugar and spites.
Gomorrah (Sundance) –– Italian iced.
MADtv (CW) –– Awfully Neuman.
My Last Days (CW) –– A fade worse than death.
Fearless (Netflix) –– Bull sessions.
The Disappearance (Acorn TV) –– Dog gone.
Triumph’s Summer Election Special 2016 (Hulu) –– Poopy love.
Last Chance U (Netflix) –– Crammer school.
Stranger Things (Netflix) –– The filth dimension.
Rio Olympics (NBC) –– A Rio hoot.
I Am JFK Jr. (Spike) –– Don’t call me Jr.
Meet the Donors: Does Money Talk? (HBO) –– Donor scummers.
Tallulah (Neflix) –– Tallulah bankrupt.
Harley and the Davidsons (Discovery) –– Hole hogs.
Doc & Darryl (ESPN) –– Metsed up.
The A Word (Sundance) –– Anemic.
Elena of Avalor (DIS) –– Latina fey.
Roadies (SHO) –– Setup to fail.
The Get Down (Netflix) –– Got me down.
Match Game (ABC) –– Doesn’t catch fire.
$100,000 Pyramid (ABC) –– Baseless.
Queen of the South (USA) –– Coca monster.
The Night Of (HBO) –– Nocturnal omissions.
O.J.: Made in America (ESPN) –– At Tropicana plant in Florida.
Guilt (Freeform) –– Without pleasure.
American Gothic (CBS) –– Kill delights.
Any Given Wednesday With Bill Simmons (HBO) –– Hump’s day.
BrainDead (CBS) –– Eating of the minds.
Wrecked (TBS) –– Abandon dope.
Animal Kingdom (TNT) –– Dis family robbin’ some.
70th Annual Tony Awards (CBS) –– Corden blew.
Feed the Beast (AMC) –– Gruel intentions.
The Do-Over (Netflix) –– Start with the script.
Greenleaf (OWN) –– Slime minister.
Lady Dynamite (Netflix) –– T’N’AT.

Maya & Marty (NBC) –– Short bust.
Roots (HIST) –– Rustles some fetters.
Showing Roots (LIFE) –– Die job.
The Dresser (Starz) –– Tailored ham.
Outcast (Cinemax) –– Cast out.
Preacher (AMC) –– Pulp it.
All the Way (HBO) –– Blurry Lyndon.
Chelsea (Netflix) –– Baggage Handler.
Woman (Viceland) –– Her styles.

TELEVISION 2

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E. Basil St. Blaise