Salvador Deadly
Week of 04/18/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
‘World’s coolest dictator’ Bukele gets a White House visit
–– With world’s dampest.
Trump is wrapping up 100 days of historic failure
–– In shroud.
Justice Dept. says it’s not required to bring back wrongly deported man
–– Because what does Justice in name even mean?
Salvadoran president says he won’t return wrongly deported man to U.S.
–– Sad Salvador.
Trump admin won’t be held in contempt over refusal to return wrongly deported alleged MS-13 member Kilmar Abrego Garcia — as judge warns against ‘gamesmanship’
–– Trump's whole life's Bizarro version of Truth or Consequences.
Trump Insults CNN's Kaitlan Collins For Asking Why He's Defying Supreme Court Order
–– Really insults Judiciary, Founding Fathers, Nation.
‘This Should Be Shocking:’ Read a Federal Appeals Panel’s Sharp Rebuke of the Trump Administration
–– Electorate would need pulse.
Jeffries says the courts need to enforce their orders against Trump's admin.
–– Threatens 25-minute filibuster.
Trump’s counterterrorism czar says Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s supporters could be charged with ‘aiding and abetting’
–– A Gorka corka.
Asylum-seeker sent to Salvadoran mega-prison over autism awareness tattoo, family says
–– Ironic it was misread.
Trump Appoints Fox News Host Mark Levin to Homeland Security Advisory Council
–– Levin large.
Trump says he might not want to raise tariffs on China any higher: 'At a certain point, people aren't going to buy'
–– Your bullshit? Please tell us when!
Trump wants his tariffs to reset the world. He might get his wish
–– To zero.
What FDR built, Trump is tearing down
–– His Neuter Deal.
Trump’s ‘punitive’ China tariffs could end trade between the world’s two largest economies—and that would be painful, volatile, and dangerous
–– Like China Syndrome.
‘The Trump administration can’t ignore Boeing,’ BofA says after China reportedly halts imports from the U.S. aircraft manufacturer
–– 'We're unprincipled, incompetent f**kups like him.'
How Tim Cook helped Apple out of Trump’s tariff storm — for now
–– Thinked different?
What President Trump’s team wants from the rest of the world
–– Humiliation –– theirs, his.
The White House pressed for fast negotiations with its shock and awe tariffs. Now it can’t drum up enough interest from a ‘first mover’
–– After US moved all over them.
'I don't know how you couldn't be embarrassed': Wall Street is rethinking its Trump bet
–– Monied supporters aspire to be shameless as him.
Scott Bessent Says China Won't 'Weaponize' US Treasuries, Citing Risk To RMB And Exports: 'We Do Buybacks'
–– Of course we trust prediction of genius engineer of tariffs.
Carville: Trump ‘has broken the cardinal rule in American politics’
–– From rule book he’s already burned.
4 Things the Middle Class May Not Be Able To Afford Under President Trump
–– 1. Dignity.
The White House says Trump's weight and 'frequent victories' at golf games are evidence of good health
–– Doctors, opponents give him best lie.
Trump to pull pick for acting IRS commissioner after only three days
–– Finding absolutely worst nominee demanding.
Nearly $1 billion of DOGE ‘savings’ vanish overnight
–– In Land of Musk Believe.
Elon Musk emerges as leading voice in pro-natalism movement
–– Who doesn’t think congenitally mentally ill should have more kids?
Elon Musk is the 'most irritating person I’ve ever had to deal with,' Trump official says
–– This from room full of absolute shits.
Musk asked influencer Tiffany Fong to have his baby and she worried saying ‘no’ would hurt her X earnings, report says
–– Fong him.
How Elon Musk reportedly staked Tesla’s future on robotaxis against the advice of his own senior management team
–– Lacks gift of cab.
Bill O’Reilly Says Trump Just Told Him ‘Very Good News’ Is Coming Soon for America – and ‘He’s Never Misled Me’
–– How can you mislead someone so profoundly lost?
Tears on my MyPillow: Weeping pro-Trump conspiracy theorist Mike Lindell tells judge he has no money to pay fines: ‘I’m in ruins’
–– 100% polyurethane foam only source of nutrition.
–– And determine if it's funny as Trump thinks it is.
GOP Sen. Murkowski on Trump’s sweeping changes: ‘We are all afraid’
–– If you and 19 other Republicans threat could be removed.
Rubio’s firing of Marocco ignites a MAGA world meltdown
–– Marocco lather.
Harvard rejects Trump administration’s demands with federal funding at risk
–– Lampoon tang.
Trump’s freeze on $2.2 billion to Harvard provided no proof of wrongdoing
–– Did offer to send pic of his dented ego.
Murdoch Paper Rips Trump’s War on Harvard: ‘Overstepping’
–– In metaphorical jackboots.
Trump Officials Tried to Claim Harvard Letter Was Sent by Mistake After University Publicly Rejected Demands
–– 90% of all policy is mistake.
Police say they are investigating an arson attack at the Pennsylvania governor's residence
–– Discover Mad Balmer.
Pennsylvania governor's mansion attack suspect Cody Balmer admitted 'harboring hatred' toward Shapiro: police
–– All fired up.
Donald Trump Again Lashes Out At CBS And ‘60 Minutes’ And Urges FCC Chair To “Impose The Maximum Fines And Punishment”
–– Wants to make standard punishment for any factual news report.
White House plans 'extraordinary' Holy Week as Trump honors Easter with 'the observance it deserves'
–– Bunny nailed upside-down to cross.
Michael Wolff Suggests Trump Team Floated a Don Jr. Outdoors Show as a Way for Warners to Curry Favor With White House
–– Naked, High and Afraid.
Pete Hegseth says Hakeem Jeffries' 'dumb effing individuals' jab is evidence of how far Dems 'have fallen'
–– In trying to describe how far nation has fallen.
Pete Hegseth Won’t Rule Out War With Iran
–– Still trying to locate on map.
In swift reversal, Witkoff says any nuclear deal must ‘eliminate’ Iran’s enrichment, weaponization
–– Thought he was still placating Russia in Ukraine talks.
Johnson: US must ‘eliminate people on Medicaid’ who are not ‘eligible to be there’
–– By removing life-saving health insurance.
Trump’s pick to be DC’s top prosecutor failed to report nearly 200 appearances on far-right media outlets to Senate
–– Ed Martin, ’And I suppose I’m supposed to declare millions in rubles as taxable income!’
Top D.C. Prosecutor Published Trump-Themed Coloring Books
–– Brags Trump read them all cover to cover.
Nate Silver Makes Shocking Prediction for Dems’ 2028 Nominee
–– If he’s right, god help us.
US will 'move on' from Ukraine peace efforts if no progress is made
–– Mentally exhausted after 2 months.
Trump is back to 'bombing the hell' out of terror groups, from the Houthis to ISIS
–– Only diplomacy he understands.
Trump grumbles about China’s ‘lovely meeting’ with Vietnam, saying they’re discussing how to ‘screw the United States of America’
–– Insists he never got happy ending from ‘massage parlor girls.’
‘China’s Elon Musk’ uses just two numbers to demonstrate why his country’s auto industry is now outcompeting the U.S. and Europe
–– America's Musk takes any number of numbers daily.
Bill Maher Gets Defensive With WaPo Reporter Over Trump Meetup: ‘You Don’t Have to Patronize Me, Dude!’
–– ‘Patronizing audiences on Trump is my gig!'
Nation Plans Game Show About Isolated People Guessing What Trump Did In His First 90 Day
–– All of whom work in White House.
Trump Envoy Witkoff Says Had ‘Compelling’ Meeting With Putin
–– In latest slang for ‘appalling.’
Moscow plans to use seized US-owned company to feed Russian army, document shows
–– Trump offers to airlift in Big Macs.
US and European armies should join our war on gangs, Ecuador president tells BBC
–– 'And if they could take out our political enemies, all the better.'
Gayle King Responds to Backlash Over ‘Expensive’ Blue Origin Flight: ‘I Wish People Would Do More Due Diligence’
–– 'Kings don't worry about expenses.'
Katy Perry Blasts Off Into Space During Successful Blue Origin Launch
–– Can spacecraft keep going?
Fast-food chain Wendy’s takes aim at Katy Perry after Blue Origin space flight: ‘Can we send her back’
–– Touché, freckly bitch.
Jeff Bezos Face-Plants While Trying To Greet Fiancee After Blue Origin Flight
–– Sees stars.
Ex-New York Times editor reportedly gives emotional apology to Sarah Palin in libel retrial
–– Ah, good old days when Palin was worst GOP had to offer.
Joe Rogan Says Ross Perot Was Right: 'American Manufacturing Collapsed' Because 'Greedy' Executives Sent Jobs Overseas
–– Witless comic translates hapless loon for brainless listener.
Why Joe Rogan’s Recent Tilt Is So Dangerous
–– 15+ million listeners.
Chris Matthews Revives ‘Hardball’ on Substack
–– Produced by Dr. Herbert West.
‘The Leopard’ Composer Paolo Buonvino on Infusing the Netflix Show’s Score With Sicily: ‘As if You Can Smell It Through the Music’
–– We dipped remote in lemon-infused olive oil.
Nate Bargatze to Host 2025 Emmys
–– Room temp glass of skim milk not available.
A24 Lands Jesse Eisenberg’s ‘A Real Pain’ Follow-Up
–– Sheer Agony?
Lil Nas X Hospitalized After Losing ‘Control of the Right Side of My Face’
–– Mug was out late making trouble.
New Pornographers ‘Absolutely Shocked’ After Drummer Joe Seiders Arrested For Possession of Child Pornography
–– Knew pornographers.
Cate Blanchett Says She Plans on Retiring From Acting Soon: “I Am Serious”
–– Give Blanchett check.
‘Snow White’ Banned in Lebanon Due to Gal Gadot Being on Country’s ‘Israel Boycott List’
–– Where it was projected to earn more then in US.
Jack Black Asks ‘Minecraft’ Audiences to Not Throw Popcorn During Surprise Appearance at L.A. Theater
–– Story with kernel of truth.
Haley Joel Osment Apologizes for Using Antisemitic Slur in Police Arrest Footage
–– We see dead career.
Florence Pugh Says Marvel Didn’t Want Her to Jump Off the World’s Second Tallest Building Due to ‘Thunderbolts’ Insurance Risk; She Emailed Kevin Feige: ‘It’ll Do Wonders for the Press Tour’
–– Only if she ended up Belova pavement level.
Demi Moore Says ‘I Didn’t Feel Gutted’ by Losing the Oscar: ‘I Leaned Over to My Manager and Whispered’ Mikey Madison Would Win
–– Had gut removed along with other organs that made her look fat.
Barcelona player Mapi León banned for two matches after appearing to touch the groin of an opponent
–– Got penalty kicks.
Drake claims he was defamed at the Grammys and Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show
–– Hatey Lamar.
Harvey Weinstein’s Health Is the Elephant in the Room at His New Trial
–– And is grey, wrinkly as him.
Jeff Bezos sold his Seattle mansion for a record-breaking $63 million after he and fiancée Lauren Sánchez moved to Miami to live in a $237 million compound
–– Couldn't find enough like-minded scumbags in Northwest.
Google Broke the Law to Keep Its Advertising Monopoly, a Judge Rules
–– Their version of search protector.
Tim Cook ‘cares about nothing else’ product-wise other than beating Mark Zuckerberg to a pair of truly smart glasses
–– Lens is more?
Why a Tariff-Inflated $2,000 iPhone Is Nothing to Fear
–– Writes guy who’s given tech free.
Teachers Worry About Students Using A.I. But They Love It for Themselves.
–– Like Plato said, ‘Do as I say not as I do.’
Yawning may be more dangerous than you think, experts say
–– Open to debate.
She was in a candlelit hut in the Himalayas. Then her future husband walked through the door
–– Meet Mrs. Yeti.
Marriott’s CEO spoke out about DEI. The next day, he had 40,000 emails from his associates
–– Diverse case scenario.
As international tourists pull back on U.S. travel and purchases, $90 billion in lost revenue looms
–– Won't Russians, North Koreans, Salvadorans make up for it?
Who is General Tso––and why does he have his own chicken dish?
–– Tso what.
The recipe for beans you keep hearing about
–– After you’ve eaten them.
FAA investigating after Frontier Airlines hard landing in Puerto Rico
–– Pilot did cry ‘Yee-haw!’
Brother of Woman Who Died in N.Y.C. Helicopter Crash Flies to U.S. to Identify Bodies, Vows to 'Never Forget' His Family Members
–– Condolences, but that doesn’t sound too tough.
Trump on FSU Shooting That Killed 2 and Injured 6: ‘The Gun Doesn’t Do the Shooting’
–– It just shoots.
Mastiff's Determination to Skip Vet Appointment Leaves Her Humans Breaking a Sweat
–– Swallowed car keys.
The startling reason Australia is shooting koalas out of trees from helicopters
–– Marsupials packing anti-aircraft guns.
The world's most ferocious ocean predator ever? This prehistoric, 11 metre long, whale-cross-crocodile monster had a bite as strong as a T-Rex
–– Maybe. Probably. Who's gonna argue?
Were dinosaurs headed for extinction even before massive asteroid strike? Scientists offer new clues
–– Quote disappointed parents who told them they were.
Mysterious altar found in ancient Mayan city contains bodies – and wasn’t made by the Maya
–– Authorities suspect Meyer.
Scientists detect signature of life on a distant planet, study suggests
–– We suggest 700 trillion miles is long way.
Trump May Target Environmental Nonprofits in Executive Orders Expected on Earth Day
–– MAGA base laughs hoarsely through cancer-ridden lungs as mutant offspring slap all three knees in half-submerged trailer.
Wink Martindale, prolific game show host, dies at 91
–– A Wink and a nod.
Jeffrey Runnings, Founder, Bassist and Vocalist of For Against, Dies at 61
–– Runnings away.
Jay North, TV’s mischievous Dennis the Menace, dies at 73
–– Gone south.
Elaine Wynn, Billionaire Arts Patron Who Helped Modernize Las Vegas, Dies at 82
–– Wynn’s out.
Robert E. McGinnis, Whose Lusty Illustrations Defined an Era, Dies at 99
–– Slice of cheesecake.
Mario Vargas Llosa, Peruvian Author and Nobel Literature Laureate, Dies at 89
–– No Peru of life.
