Truce Lies
Week of 08/15/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Trump’s Alaska Summit With Putin Fails: How It Happened
–– Three proper nouns explain it.
For Putin summit, Trump should channel Reagan
–– Consult personally in Hereafter.
Trump leaves Alaska summit with Putin empty-handed after failing to reach a deal to end Ukraine war
–– Came empty-headed.
Hear why Zakaria calls Trump-Putin summit ‘cringeworthy’
–– He has nervous system.
Hillary Clinton says she'd nominate Trump for Nobel Peace Prize if he ends Ukraine war without giving territory to Russia
–– Like promising him lollipop if he could keep mouth shut for hour.
Tensions grow as Trump and Washington, D.C. officials fight over police authority
–– Local authorities resist shoot-to-kill orders for littering.
Trump demands homeless ‘immediately’ move out of Washington DC to make nation’s capital ‘more beautiful’
–– Relocate to Mar-a-Lago.
Trump Deploys National Guard for D.C. Crime but Called Jan. 6 Rioters ‘Very Special’
–– Like idiot children.
Man who hurled sandwich at law enforcement in D.C. charged with felony
–– Referred to cold cuts unit, now has Assault with a Deadly Hoagie on wrap sheet.
Hegseth Reposts Video On Social Media Featuring Pastors Saying Women Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote
–– Assward, Christian soldiers.
Donald Trump celebrates his pantheon of Trump-approved stars
–– Stars who come with own asterisks.
President Trump shakes up Hollywood with revamped Kennedy Center awards list
–– Shaking with mocking laughter.
A-list actor turns down Trump's Kennedy Center Lifetime Achievement Award
–– Finding non-B-list-has-beens, Mission Impossible.
Donald Trump Lashes Out At Paul Krugman As “Deranged Bum”; “Now This Is Flattering,” Economist Responds
–– Gives no quarter.
Trump tells Goldman Sachs CEO to hire a new economist after bank says consumers will pay bulk of tariff costs
–– Oughta be a law about speaking truth to lying sachs of shit.
US July budget deficit up 20% year-over-year despite record Trump tariff income
–– Trump directs budget office to retroactively double all deficit estimates from '21 to '24.
US national debt reaches a record $37 trillion, the Treasury Department reports
–– Trump directs statisticians drawn and quartered.
Inflation remained stubborn in July as energy and food offset increases elsewhere
–– In numbers cooked harder than Granny’s nut loaf.
More than half of industries are already shedding workers, a ‘telling’ sign that’s accompanied past recessions, top economist says
–– Trump’s administration won’t be telling anyone.
What Declining Cardboard Box Sales Tell Us About the US Economy
–– How dare so-called reporter for failing Bloomberg Businessweek lie about this? Deport her!
Happy birthday, Social Security. Unless Congress acts, full benefits end in 7 years.
–– Live fast, die soon, and leave a wrinkled corpse.
An Irish town makes all the world’s Botox. Trump’s trade deal could leave a mark
–– Can’t tell if customers are happy or sad.
MTG enjoyed 142% windfall on company’s ICE contract but Trump goes after ‘disgusting degenerate’ Nancy Pelosi over stocks
–– It’s beautiful how he can see self in everyone.
Kristi Noem is living rent free in home used by Coast Guard commandant
–– And in minds of outraged progressives.
The Texas floods washed away debris and dirt. They also uncovered 100-million-year-old dinosaur tracks
–– Let’s flood Austin to see if it washes away legislative fossils.
The Harvard-Trained Lawyer Behind Trump’s Fight Against Top Universities
–– Is shining example of higher ed’s ethical disaster.
RFK Jr.’s Wife Cheryl Hines Confirms She’s Moved Into His $4.4 Million Townhouse in DC—and Insists His Sexting Scandal Is ‘Behind’ Them
–– Now he’s sending butt shots?
Melania Trump demands Hunter Biden retract 'extremely salacious' Epstein comments
–– You’d need imagination of Marquis de Sade to cause her ‘reputational harm.’
California Democrats to reveal map giving them five more House seats
–– Left the House.
Bernie Sanders Says Influence of ‘Very Wealthy People’ Caused Kamala Harris’ Defeat in 2024: ‘Broken and Corrupt’ | Video
–– Do Harris, Waltz have that much money?
Trump moves Obama, Bush portraits to hidden stairwell
–– Draws mustaches with Sharpie on both.
Trump reveals his gameplan for meeting with Putin in Alaska: 'It's like chess'
–– ‘Which I saw some guy play in a movie once.’
A timeline of Trump’s quotes, shifts and U-turns on Russia and Ukraine
–– Better take some Dramamine.
Trump warns Russia of ‘severe consequences’ if Putin doesn’t agree to end Ukraine war
–– Putin trembling in his tiny jackboots.
Trump voices hope that ‘something’s going to come of’ high-stakes meeting with Putin
–– Massive ridicule.
Ex-KGB Boss Says Putin Has Videos and Documents That Could Destroy Trump
–– Since 2016 every news outlet in world has videos and documents that should’ve.
Russian proxy Belarus invites Trump to visit, says he accepted
–– Especially when they showed off human rights record.
Trump-Putin summit in Alaska resembles a slow defeat for Ukraine
–– But only because it is.
Zelensky Rejects Ceding Territory to Russia After Trump Suggests a Land Swap
–– Won't accept first-class ceding plan with extra legroom for Putin.
Men celebrate fourth anniversary of Taliban’s return to power in Afghanistan
–– And where are the ladies? Chicks are such a drag.
PBS slashes budget by 21% following congressional funding cuts
–– Replaces weekday sked with 24 hr oldies telethons.
Pete Davidson Reveals Origins of ‘SNL’ Character Chad
–– So exciting to go inside mind of comic genius.
I Just Realized Why Catherine Zeta-Jones's Mom on 'Wednesday' Looks So Darn Familiar
–– When Google searches become news.
Denzel Washington Says ‘I’m Not Interested in Oscars’ and ‘Don’t Care’ About Them: ‘They Won’t Do Me a Bit of Good’ When I Die
–– Not even nice centerpiece at memorial dinner?
–– Even with scene of mowing down everyone in first three rows of Oscars?
After ‘Fantasy,’ Kukla Is Writing a Film About Women Stopping to Have Sex With Men
–– Like at market for quickie?
Sharon Stone on the Moment Robert De Niro ‘Challenged’ Her While Filming a Key ‘Casino’ Scene
–– To a duel!
Jeff Bezos Reportedly “Obsessed” With Casting Wife Lauren Sánchez In Major Role In Amazon MGM’s New ‘James Bond’: “This Isn’t Just Fantasy Casting”
–– With that yap, why not gender-swap Jaws?
80s' bombshell dubbed 'the scream queen' by fans in latest rare appearance
–– Because of the size of them lungs, nudge nudge, amirite?
Anna Sorokin ‘horrified’ after rabbits used for photoshoot dumped in New York park
–– Not dumbest bunnies at shoot.
Eddie Murphy Defends ‘Norbit’ as ‘Funny’ Despite Theories It Lost Him the Oscar for ‘Dreamgirls’: ‘Come on Now, S— Ain’t That Bad’
–– Oh, Eddie, that s— is.
‘Dracula’ Review: Romanian Auteur Radu Jude’s Rowdy, Fellatio-Filled Vampire Flick Is Way Too Many Movies at Once
–– Vampire BJ sounds truly terrifying.
Who the F*** Is Marc Maron Without Podcasting? He’s About to Find Out
–– WTF’s the difference?
Hollywood Is ‘Hot, Horny and White’ Again
–– Wish it even knew what ‘hot, horny’ meant.
Jackie Chan Says New Hollywood Movies Lack Quality Because Studios Focus Too Much On Money: “They’re Not Filmmakers, They’re Business Guys” — Locarno
–– We miss Chan’s art films like Cannonball Run II, Supercop 2, Rush Hour 3.
Channing Tatum and Rebecca Wang Join ‘Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Infinity Castle’ English Dub Cast (EXCLUSIVE)
–– Tatum has three months to memorize title.
Ron Howard's Dad Gave 1 Note to Andy Griffith That Changed The Andy Griffith Show Forever
–– ‘Keep your hands off him!’
Tom Holland Recaps First Day Back in Spider-Man Suit for ‘Brand New Day’: “It Feels Different This Time”
–– ‘A little snugger. I’m not 18 anymore.’
I'm Convinced This New Sci-Fi Sleeper Will Be the First True Jurassic Park Replacement Movie in 32 Years
–– OK, we’ll check back in 2057.
David Ellison Shows Off His New Throne at Paramount, With ‘Top Gun 3,’ ‘Star Trek’ and ‘World War Z’ Called Priorities
–– What’s opposite of Paramount? Smallditch?
Sandra Bullock Was Told She Couldn’t ‘Like and Respect’ Jennifer Aniston and Other Women: Hollywood Divided Us Because ‘No One Wanted the Ladies to Be Friends’
–– Hey, that’s what we told selves about Jen!
Says ‘We’d Been Mourning’ Matthew Perry Long Before His Death Due to Addiction: ‘A Part of Me Thinks This Is Better’ Because ‘He’s Out of That Pain’
–– See above.
Gladys Knight Speaks Out After Her Son Accuses Her Husband of Abuse
–– Of her, headline writer.
Look of the Week: Kate Moss takes her Hermès bag to the beach
–– Oh boy, that should hold us for two weeks!
MF Doom Estate Sues Temu For Knockoff Merch
–– Miff Doom.
Telfar Will Sell A "Plastic" Bag for $195
–– We're on tenterhooks over quote marks!
I Can’t Stop Wearing Sheer Skirts—Here's How I'm Styling the Cheeky Trend for Fall
–– Another ass exposes self.
Jussie Smollett Slams Chicago Police, Rahm Emanuel as ‘Villains’ While Denying Hate Crime Hoax and Mounting a Comeback: My Story ‘Has Never’ Changed
–– Bullish on shit.
’Sometimes the good guys don’t win’: Former Hulu VP mourns Disney’s shuttering of the iconic streaming app
–– Without Hulubaloo.
Netflix Loosens Its Ties to Harry and Meghan
–– Offers nooses.
Paramount Nabs UFC Rights in Major $7.7 Billion Deal, MMA Events to Peel Off From ESPN in 2026
–– That many pinheads in audience?
Jen Pawol makes baseball history as first woman to umpire an MLB game
–– No balls.
Mariano Rivera tears Achilles in Yankees Old-Timers’ Day game and needs surgery
–– Made perfect sense to have 55-year-old reliever run bases, chase flyballs.
The latest fleeting TikTok beauty trend? Looking tired
–– Apt from source that is intellectually, spiritually, morally exhausted.
Does ashwagandha actually help with anxiety and sleep?
–– We’ll ask her.
What Is ‘Reparenting’ and Should You Try It
–– If it involves turning in old ones, why not?
The Tooth Fairy Is Real. She’s a Dentist in Seattle
–– Who melts down dimes into fillings.
Goodbye, $165,000 Tech Jobs. Student Coders Seek Work at Chipotle
–– Trying to crack code of great guac.
Chef who lost job after refusing influencer free meal makes shock claims about her bad manners
–– Cautionary tale for anyone who dares cross vindictive 20-something looking for free meal.
Sweetgreen’s CEO is beefing up protein portion sizes because corporate America is demanding more from $16 sad desk salads
–– Tragically, can't do anything about all America's sad desks.
The Real Reason Pasta Tastes Better at a Restaurant, According to Chefs
–– You can barely boil water.
McDonald’s Just Announced a Massively Successful Promotion That Customers Loved. Then Disaster Struck
–– They didn’t buy enough toilet paper.
Woman Working at Hospital Treated 4,500 Patients Without License, Police Say
–– And kept sheets clean.
After Years of Anger Directed at C.D.C., Shooting Manifests Worst Fears
–– That there ain't no cure for crazy.
Idaho Killer Bryan Kohberger Already Being 'Tormented' In Prison By Inmates: 'It's Driving Him Crazy'
–– You mean ‘…er’, right?
Bryan Kohberger Called His Mother After Idaho Murders — Once When He Got Home and Again While Driving Back to Crime Scene (Exclusive)
–– That's good boy.
131 feral cats removed from remote Japanese islands – then something exceptional happens
–– Mice open sake bar.
River Otters Unfazed by Parasites, Poop While Eating
–– Why not rename Wet Pigs?
Crab vs. machine: Robot tests fiddler crab courtship tactics
–– Sues crustacean for getting ‘too clawsy.’
Humans descend into huge deep-sea canyon for first time ever. What they find is astounding
–– The low down.
Bald eagles stun scientists with bizarre migration pattern
–– Relocate from condo in Boca Raton to the Villages!
Invasive ticks have scientists spooked about new diseases
–– Like lunaticks.
Family Rescued Orphaned Kitten, But She Wasn’t A Cat At All
–– Demon from Hell tore out hearts.
It's as big and as cute as a pet cat and has a top speed of 15 MPH — yet this shy, rare agile predator prefers to stay hidden
–– Was this written by polecat’s press agent?
Wild pigs are turning up with neon-blue flesh in California
–– And rad tattoos.
Earth welcomes baby mice from space
–– In least thrilling Alien sequel.
Deadliest dinosaurs had a variety of killing methods from slashing and tearing to biting and crushing
–– From garroting and shivving to poisoning and humiliating.
He had sex with a donkey – and faced the ultimate punishment: 10 bizarre crimes involving animals
–– A kickback?
Did this 12-inch pickled penis belong to Rasputin? The mystery of the ‘mad monk’ and the gigantic genitals
–– Was it used by tsarina as dilldo?
A 2,000-Year-Old Sun Hat Worn by a Roman Soldier in Egypt Goes on View After a Century in Storage
–– Comrades winked, called him ‘Lollabrigida.’
Space Rock That Punched Through Roof Almost Struck Resident
–– Scored TKO.
What would Mars look like in daylight? 'Enhanced' photo from Perseverance offers a look
–– Downtown Phoenix!
The government is literally telling firefighters “help is not on the way”
–– Sick burn.
Owners said a Texas RV park was safe. Then flooding killed 37 people.
–– And if you can’t trust Texas RV park owners…
