Mars a Tax
Week of 02/20/26
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
In rare rebuke of Trump, Supreme Court strikes down tariffs
–– Other rulings mostly repuke.
In 2025, Trade Deficit in Goods Reached Record High
–– Attn: deficit disorder!
–– All that make-believe, ass-licking, temporizing bullshit? Gee, hope it can be saved.
Trump Calls Justices Who Ruled Against Him ‘Fools and Lap Dogs’
–– Servile idiots who actually believe Constitution, defend it.
Defiant Trump Says He Will Work Around Supreme Court’s Tariff Ruling
–– Stiffing corporations for $175 bil will take quite a reach.
Despite a Supreme Court Victory for Middle-Class Americans, Trump’s Disastrous Tariff Policies Are Not Over
–– Not finished playing 'let's pretend.'
U.S. economic growth slowed sharply at end of 2025, dragging down the year
–– Had huge, orange anchor attached.
US stocks are off to their worst start versus the global market since 1995
–– Trump won't be satisfied until we reach 1960s.
Trump’s tariffs are a ‘dirty tax’ that will make the $38.6 trillion national debt crisis even worse over the long term, top analyst says
–– Pet dog could've told you that.
Trump Mulls a North American Trade Pact Without Canada
–– Will someone get idiot map.
Moore declines to directly answer whether he thinks Trump is racist: ‘I think his actions probably give the answer’
–– Wuss Moore.
‘You’re Kidding, Right?’ Karoline Leavitt Gobsmacked After Reporter Asks for Examples of Trump Being ‘Falsely Called Racist’
–– Should be Godsmacked by Almighty.
A man shot by an ICE agent in Minneapolis was charged with assaulting law enforcement. A startling admission ended the case
–– Please don’t tell us they… gulp… fibbed!
Exclusive: DHS admits its website showcasing the ‘worst of the worst’ immigrants was rife with errors
–– Omitted murderers of Good, Pretti and no Bovino, Homan or Noem…
–– …or scum who did this. All spawn of immigrants.
DHS spokeswoman who became a face of Trump deportation campaign steps down
–– More tumbles into sinkhole.
Republican congressman's anti-Muslim remark prompts calls for his resignation
–– And recruitment into ICE.
Justice Dept. Acknowledges 52 Court Order Violations in New Jersey
–– With pride.
‘This is the Epstein Administration!’ Thomas Massie Trashes Trump in Fiery ABC Hit
–– With less class.
Megyn Kelly Shreds Trump Commerce Secretary for ‘Lying to Our Faces’ About Epstein: ‘This is Supposed to Be a More Transparent Administration!’
–– Than what, Tywin Lannister's first term?
Bombshell Epstein File Reveals FBI Interviewed Underage Trump Accuser
–– Before she had head blown off?
Trump’s Government Is Blowing Off the Epstein Scandal. Other Nations Aren’t
–– With shotguns.
Steve Bannon courted Epstein in his efforts to ‘take down’ Pope Francis
–– Plot like Day of the Jackass.
Steve Bannon Told Jeffrey Epstein Trump Should Be Removed Via 25th Amendment During First Term
–– In rare moment of lucidity.
Steve Bannon Says He Courted Jeffrey Epstein With Chummy Texts For a Documentary
–– 'Just doing research' pervert's top excuse.
Sarah Ferguson Asked Jeffrey Epstein to Work as His House Assistant, Said She ‘Desperately’ Needed the Money, Emails Show
–– Then 50-year-old promised to dress in schoolgirl outfit.
Tom Pritzker, Citing Epstein Connection, Steps Down as Hyatt’s Executive Chairman
–– Can run, but can't Hyatt.
Jeffrey Epstein Inquired About Toxic Plant That Produces Drug That Blocks Free Will, Emails Show
–– Now he’s Bond villain?
Catholics, conservatives cheer ouster of ex-Miss California from WH religious panel after controversy
–– Makes them look slightly less Nazi.
Trump crackdown drives 80% plunge in immigrant employment, reshaping labor market, Goldman says
–– Gonna have to get junior off computer to mow lawn.
Trump family business files for trademark rights on any airports using the president's name
–– But only in vain.
Arts Commission approves Trump ballroom plans, despite public comments that were "overwhelmingly in opposition"
–– 1 in 100,000,000 Americans can't wait for it.
White House cheers approval to rename Palm Beach airport after Trump
–– Like naming your cruise ship Titanic.
After leaving WHO, Trump officials propose more expensive replacement to duplicate it
–– Donald's Organization of Health or D'OH.
RFK Jr. and Kid Rock strip shirts for sauna workout in new HHS health promotional video
–– Make America Hellish Again.
Billionaire Trump donor and tariff advocate is moving his Ohio manufacturing plant to China: report
–– So he can make enough to spend on Trump's 2028 campaign.
Hegseth invited Christian nationalist Doug Wilson to preach at Pentagon
–– Pass God, praise the ammunition.
New poll shows Melania is the second least popular first lady – here is who America dislikes more
–– Hillary, mostly for not saving us from her.
–– To be cut into strips, rolled, placed in toilets.
The Complicated Politics of Rama Duwaji’s Style
–– Any boss tweed?
Virginia Democrats pass map that could flip 4 US House seats, if courts and voters agree
–– Yes, Virgina, there is a sanity clause.
Mike Lindell Grilled Over Why His Governor Campaign Spent $187,000 On Copies of His Own Book
–– To recycle for pillow filler.
Tony Gonzales had affair with aide who set herself on fire, ex-staffer says
–– Talk about flame red flag.
Mullin on Trump calling Oklahoma governor a ‘RINO’: ‘Sometimes, friends disagree’
–– Sometines, your friend is Jeffrey Dahmer.
Christie: Trump admin putting up ‘a bunch of ham sandwiches’ and grand juries not indicting them
–– Last guy you’d expect with food metaphor.
Spencer Pratt’s Sister Stephanie Urges People Not to Support His L.A. Mayoral Campaign: ‘A Vote for Him Is a Vote for Stupidity'
–– Prattle's on.
Trump vows $10 billion from U.S. for his Board of Peace as he leans into global role
–– In effort to contrive most expensive practical joke ever.
5 takeaways from Trump’s Board of Peace launch event
–– 5) Likely made of balsa wood, 4) North Korea deserves free seat, 3) Too easy, yet irresistible pun is Bored of Peace, 2) Opting between $1 bil for this or Arch of TRiUMPh like Sophie's Choice, and 1) Trump will remain chairman postmortem.
Trump says Venezuela's acting leader 'has to say' Nicolás Maduro is the legitimate president
–– Entire US government has to say same about him.
A Ukrainian drone pilot found a hidden Russian arsenal, only to discover it was filled with horses and old cars
–– How does joke end?
–– This week in 'hot tips.'
Mark Zuckerberg Takes the Stand in Landmark Social Media Addiction Trial
–– Dealer or no dealer?
Decoding the A.I. Beliefs of Anthropic and Its C.E.O., Dario Amodei
–– We're guessing he's MisAnthropic.
Sam Altman says the quiet part out loud, confirming some companies are ‘AI washing’ by blaming unrelated layoffs on the techno
–– Tin can alley.
Mark Cuban on 2 types of AI users: you're either using it to 'learn everything' or 'so you don't have to learn anything'
–– Gee, where would most Americans fit in?
Anderson Cooper Set to Exit CBS News’ ’60 Minutes’
–– They just found out he was also on CNN these last 20 years.
Trump erupts over ‘waste of time’ dinner with ‘jerk’ Bill Maher in unhinged tirade
–– Real slime.
Ego Nwodim draws gasps from“ Jimmy Kimmel Live” audience after admitting she's never seen this classic film
–– One of Them Days her The Godfather.
Ethan Hawke on if Stars Should Speak Out About Politics: ‘The Last Place You Probably Want to Look’ Is a ‘Bunch of Jet-Lagged, Drunk Artists’
–– As long as professionals are writing their lines.
Tilda Swinton, Javier Bardem, Alia Shawkat and More Sign Open Letter Slamming Berlin Film Festival Over Gaza ‘Silence’
–– Especially artists drunk on self-righteousness.
With a New Oscar on the Line, How Do You Judge Casting
–– With rod, reel.
“Silence of the Lambs”' Buffalo Bill actor admits movie's handling of gender identity was 'f---ing wrong'
–– Because it was documentary.
Robert Pattinson says a therapist once asked him if he was on drugs because they 'couldn't understand' him
–– Or just weak on enunciation.
Jerry O'Connell Reveals How Wife's Threat To Stop Sleeping With Him Pushed Him To Quit Smoking
–– After sex.
Donny Osmond Concertgoer Sues Singer and Casino, Alleging She Was Struck by Oversized Ball During Vegas Residency Show
–– Donny’s?!!
Stephen Colbert says CBS blocked interview with Texas Democrat over FCC concerns
–– Eff see see?
Trump-Appointed FCC Chairman Calls on TV Networks to Pledge to Air ‘Patriotic, Pro-America Content’ for U.S.’s 250th Birthday
–– So not a second of Trump or anyone in Administration?
Mel Gibson Consulting With Excommunicated Archbishop — Who Once Called Pope Francis ‘A Servant of Satan’— for ‘Resurrection of the Christ’
–– With Pepe the Frog as Holy Spirit.
Pat Boone, a Republican and Friend of Trump, Says POTUS Is ‘Obviously a Genius’ but ‘His Own Worst Enemy'
-– And Boone is obviously greatest recording artist of 20th Century, finest screen actor in History of Cinema.
Margot Robbie’s Skin Was Photographed to Become Cathy’s ‘Wuthering Heights’ Wallpaper; How Filmmakers Made the Walls Sweaty and Moist
–– And script slimy and damp.
William Shatner says Judy Garland was 'very fragile' when they made Oscar-winning classic together
–– Was over the rainbow of pills.
Chris Pratt Loved ‘Rambo’ Growing Up
–– There's one for the time capsule.
Shia LeBeouf arrested in New Orleans after ‘terrorizing’ city during Mardi Gras celebrations
–– Was like Shiazilla!
Bad Bunny Gets His First Solo No. 1 on the Hot 100 With ‘DtMF,’ One of Four Songs He Has in Top 10 Post-Super Bowl
–– Hops up charts.
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor arrested after Epstein files revelations as King says ‘law must take its course’
–– ‘Except, apparently, across the pond.’
Andrew is the first senior British royal to be arrested since Charles I — almost 400 years ago
–– How’d that work out?
That’s the end of British reverence for the monarchy, I’m sorry to say
–– Royals lost it 800 years ago.
Lindsey Vonn Is ‘Immobile’ But ‘Back on Home Soil’ in Latest Updates Following Injury
–– Please report first time she makes solo toilet run.
5 Sleep Habits to Steal From Winter Olympians
–– 5) Train 8 grueling hours to exhaustion, 4) Play Chariots of Fire on loop, 3) Cuddle with stuffed Tina, 2) Take funny pills team doc prescribes, 1) Read another story about Lindsay Vonn.
What’s it like to have two grandchildren in the Winter Olympics? Let John Irving tell you
–– How about you write us a novel?
Tony Clark to abruptly resign as MLBPA executive director
–– His beard considering its options.
Michael Heizer Measures His Art in Miles and Tons
–– Not Beauty, Truth.
Why a 1930s Bag Has Never Gone Out of Style
–– She’s got great plastic surgeon.
What Is Gout, and Why Is It on the Rise?
–– Because people eat like this guy.
Abe Lincoln Fans Gather for Mutton Hunks and a Vintage American Flag
–– Like General Burnside we prefer mutton chops.
To Improve How He Ate, Our Critic Looked at What He Drank
–– And ordered double.
Italy’s famous ‘Lovers’ Arch’ collapses on Valentine’s Day
–– Amore or less.
A Shofar Player Wasn’t High on Her Dating Wish List
–– Wasn’t feeling horny?
What Pigeons Can Teach Us About Our Phone Fixation
–– Not great having shit on or in head.
Trump Threatens Death Penalty If Nancy Guthrie Isn’t Returned Alive by Abductors
–– So they immediately released, gave selves up, self-executed. Right?
Search for Nancy Guthrie reaches 2 weeks, no arrests after authorities swarm nearby home
–– Cops just trying to keep in shape while brass dithers.
Investigators Reportedly Believe Nancy Guthrie Case Is ‘Burglary Gone Wrong’ — And She ‘Could Be Alive’
–– Countering with investigation gone wrong.
“He approaches slowly.” Filmmakers built a robot otter and released it into the Alaskan sea. What it saw was astonishing
–– Y’mean an ottermaton?!
It might look like it's dressed in an inflatable space suit, but this body armour allows it to survive in a deadly, caustic lake
–– If you've seen too many Alien movies.
The flaw that could prevent humans from becoming deep-space explorers
–– Hint’s in ‘human.’
E.P.A. Faces First Lawsuit Over Its Killing of Major Climate Rule
–– Mother Earth doesn't know whether to begin with assault or attempted murder charges.
Bill Maher Eviscerates Donald Trump Over ‘Biggest Dick Move in American History’
–– From tiniest prick.
I left Alaska for opportunity. Trump gives me hope I can go home.
–– To rape land.
Frederick Wiseman, a master of immersive documentaries, dies at 96
–– Doc blocked.
Eric Dane, 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Euphoria' star, dies at 53 nearly 1 year after revealing ALS diagnosis
–- The Dane curse.
Tom Noonan, ‘Manhunter’ Villain and ‘RoboCop 2’ Star, Dies at 74
–– Creep out.
Robert Duvall, iconic ‘Godfather’ and ‘Apocalypse Now’ actor, dead at 95
–– Sleeps with fishes.
Robert Duvall, All-Purpose Actor With Few Peers, Dies at 95
–– Quicker-actor-upper.
Robert Duvall Remembered by Bruce Beresford, Who Directed His Oscar-Winning Turn in ‘Tender Mercies’
–– Always impressive in 85-year-old.
Jesse Jackson dies at 84: Tributes pour in for civil rights icon
–– Inaction Jackson.
Trump lauds 'piece of work' Jesse Jackson at 'sold-out' Black History Month event
–– High praise from POS?
Lori Lightfoot: The Rev. Jesse Jackson challenged me to think bigger
–– Not more clearly.
Do Not Be Cynical About Jesse Jackson
–– Not even in Hymietown?
Why Jesse Jackson Wore That Turtleneck
–– Question History needs answered.
