Liquid Courage
Week of 12/05/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Hegseth order on first Caribbean boat strike, officials say: Kill them all
–– Department of War or Murder Inc.?
How Russia keeps raising an army to replace its dead
–– Unlimited supply of vodka.
Trump says Hegseth denied issuing order to kill boat crew
–– Confirming he did.
What to Know About Admiral Named by Hegseth in Boat Strike Controversy
–– Has been thrown under water bus.
Boat Attack Commander Says He Had To Kill 2 Survivors Because They Were Still Trying To Smuggle Cocaine
–– Were going to swim several kilos to Suriname doing backstroke.
Nicolle Wallace Wonders ‘How Much More Embarrassment’ Trump Can Tolerate From Hegseth: ‘Sloppy and Haphazard’
–– Oh, and ‘murderous.’
Mark Kelly Claims DoD ‘Didn’t’ Mention Second Strike on Boat During ‘Evasive’ Congressional Brief
— How about third, fourth?
Lawmakers voice support for congressional reviews of Trump's military strikes on boats
–– Our review is in: 'War crimes never looked so stupid.'
Critics Rip Pete Hegseth’s Outrageous Attempt To Turn New Scandal Into A Meme
–– Because illegally killing suspected bad guys by remote control from thousands of miles away is pisser.
Pete Hegseth endangered troops by sharing war plans in Signal chat, report says
–– His Signal achievement.
Oklahoma senator Markwayne Mullin lashed out at a CNN host for making a “big deal” of potential war crimes from the U.S. military.
–– 'Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.' –– MarkTwain mulling.
Trump said he was ‘sharper than I was 25 years ago.’ Then he spent an hour appearing to doze off – again
–– Both can be true.
Pete Hegseth's Name Tag Misspelling Is Going Viral For Verrrrrrrry Obvious Reasons
–– Sseriously?
Kristi Noem Mocked for Thanking Trump for Keeping Hurricanes Away: ‘Not a Cabinet, It’s a Cult’
–– Unsurprising zombies believe in voodoo.
New Epstein Island Photos Include Dental Chair Surrounded by 'Disturbing' Faces, Chalkboard Writings of 'Power,' 'Deception'
–– Media drills down on speculation.
Trump Bizarrely Claims His Administration Is ‘Finding Money’ That Nobody Realized ‘Ever Existed’
–– Refers reporters to proctologist for proof.
Donald Trump Calls the Word 'Affordability' a 'Democrat Scam' After Labeling Himself the 'Affordability President'
–– We heard ‘affraudability.’
Trump Grilled About Pardoning Ex-Honduran President: Why Would You Pardon a ‘Notorious Drug Trafficker?’
–– He loves style of shamelessly criminal head of state.
Trump Gives Bonkers Excuse for Pardoning Drug-Runner President
–– Want to put him in boat home and blast out of water.
Trump says he'll release MRI results but doesn't know what part of his body was scanned
–– Before or after Epstein files?
A pared-back White House Christmas — with a Trump Lego portrait
–– Perfect for blockhead.
‘He’s not hearing them’: Trump insiders fear he is isolating himself as public rallies grind to a halt
–– Aides now bringing caged howler monkeys into Oval Office to listen to the Weave.
CNN Hot Mic Catches Someone Busting Out Laughing as Trump Gets Brand Newly-Made Prize
–– Peace of shit.
Trump underwent MRI scan for cardiovascular and abdomen checks, White House reveals
–– Standard for heartless, gutless patient?
Trump asserts executive privilege to thwart Jan. 6 lawsuit
–– aka Get-Out-of-Jail Free card.
Accused DC pipe bomber told FBI he believed the 2020 election was stolen, sources say
–– Which to Jeannine Pirro means he was anti-Trump somehow.
CNN’s Jake Tapper Identifies Pipe Bomb Suspect as ‘White Man’ Before Airing Photo Showing Otherwise
–– Fair assumption considering headline above.
Former Trump personal lawyer Alina Habba is unlawfully serving as the US attorney for New Jersey, appeals court says
–– As well as ‘incompetently’ and ‘idiotically.’
Leavitt Accused of Burying Ties to ICE-Detained Relative
–– We suspect she’s buried relatives.
MS Now Hosts’ Jaws Literally Drop After Ex-FBI Agent Claims Kash Patel Referred To As ‘Make a Wish Director’ By Colleagues Over Jet Use
–– Not Kars4Kash?
Kash Patel doubles down over claims he’s used FBI plane for ‘joyrides’ with girlfriend: ‘I’m entitled to a personal life’
–– 'And there is absolutely no joy when I'm aboard.'
Kash Patel Hits Back At Humiliating Report That He Demanded An FBI Raid Jacket
–– And no big, gold sheriff's badge?
Bongino Melts Down at Murdoch Journalist Who Revealed FBI Agents Call Him a ‘Clown’
–– Threatens to squirt water at her from giant flower in lapel.
Trump Jr Admits He’s ‘Pretty Conspiratorial’ After Kash Patel Says Wild Claims Waste The FBI’s Time
–– in latest slang for ‘high.’
CDC advisers vote in support of major change to childhood vaccination
–– Get hep, baby!
Olivia Nuzzi told RFK Jr. that he was ‘the best candidate’ for president, a 2024 ‘strategy memo’ shared by ex-fiancé Ryan Lizza reveals
–– Further proof of absolutely awful judgment.
RFK Jr.’s AI Thanksgiving Pic With Trump Is So Bad, It’s Actually Hilarious
–– Should all get stuffed.
HHS changed the name of transgender health leader on her official portrait
–– Will they include Kennedy’s alien name under his?
National parks cut free entry for MLK Day, add Trump's birthday
–– Or National Shit in the Woods Day.
President Trump Hires New Architect for His $300 Million Ballroom—After Clashing With Previous Designer Over Size
–– Wants bigger area for slots in his new Taj Mahal.
Slain National Guard Member's Ex-Boyfriend Said She Called Her DC Deployment ‘Pointless’
–– Died protecting her Commander-in-Chief's cherished right to humiliate a black, female Democratic mayor.
Trump calls Somali immigrants ‘garbage’ as US reportedly targets Minnesota community
–– Spilled out of his trash bin mouth.
White Supremacist Nick Fuentes Takes Credit for Trump’s Shock Attack on Somalis
–– Garbage in, ’garbage’ out?
Sen. Mark Kelly Says Trump’s Response To National Guard Shooting Shows ‘They Don't Want Brown People Coming’
–– Or staying.
Homan slams Biden-era vetting after deadly National Guard attack: ‘Biggest national security failure’
–– And all their vetting of same individual during past year?
Piers Morgan Scolds Republican Candidate for ‘Your Brazen Bigotry’ After ‘Dirty Muslim’ Smear
–– British had centuries to cultivate subtle prejudice.
‘There is no Mamdani effect’: Manhattan luxury home sales surge after mayoral election, embarrassing predictions of doom and escape to Florida
–– Scenario too horrific even for John Carpenter.
Erika Kirk Worries Zohran Mamdani’s Mayoral Win Indicates NYC Women Are ‘Relying on the Government’ to Support Them
–– Unlike all her backwoods supporters.
CBS News Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss Sets Her On-Air Debut: A Town Hall With Erika Kirk
–– Whine and cheese.
Cory Booker, 58, Gets Hitched to Younger Partner After Whirlwind Romance
–– Maybe not that much younger, Independent?
Fred Gray represented Rosa Parks 70 years ago. Now 94, he fears US is 'going backwards'
–– ‘Sideways and down.’
Trump national security strategy calls for ‘cultivating resistance’ in Europe and changing US’ role in Western Hemisphere
–– And returning world to 1750s.
After ‘progress’ in talks to end Ukraine war, US diplomacy faces Kremlin test
–– Hint: always answer ‘nyet.’
Son of senior Hamas official Ghazi Hamad killed fleeing Rafah tunnel
–– IDF left with only one question: does he have sons?
Hillary Clinton Says Young Americans Are Pro-Palestine Because They Watch ‘Totally Made Up’ Videos of Gaza Horrors
–– Only partially true –– it's how they acquire every bias.
Trump Shares Post From Seal Team 6 Member Saying Afghans Would Kill You For Being a ‘Witch’ If You Had a Coffee Machine
–– Sounds like latte BS.
As AI wipes jobs, Google CEO Sundar Pichai says it’s up to everyday people to adapt accordingly: ‘We will have to work through societal disruption’
–– Gee, hope it’s not too tough on you firing all those workers.
More than 1,000 Amazon employees sign open letter warning the company’s AI ‘will do staggering damage to democracy, our jobs, and the earth’
–– Deliver what is not, incredibly, hyperbole.
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez Bezos commit $102.5 million to organizations combating homelessness across the U.S.: ‘This is just the beginning’
–– Of press releases concerning unverifiable claims of charity.
Kennedy Center Boss Loses It After Dismal Ticket Sales Leaked
–– Does brag about FIFA bribe.
Maurice DuBois is exiting CBS — leaving ‘Evening News’ without anchors
–– Has been adrift for years.
Gene Simmons: Congress, I have a plea for you
–– Congress: KISS our ass.
Netflix announces deal to buy Warner Bros. and HBO
–– Netflix and kill.
Netflix Says Warner Bros. Movies Will Remain in Theaters but ‘Windows Will Evolve to Be Much More Consumer Friendly’
–– Even as they slam shut on filmmakers' fingers.
Anonymous A-Listers Lobby Congress Against Netflix-WBD Acquisition: Streamer Would ‘Hold a Noose Around the Theatrical Marketplace’
–– Like remake of Hang ‘Em High.
Jenna Ortega's Asymmetric Side Boob-Baring Backless White Gown Has a Tiny 'Wednesday' Easter Egg
–– Or is that a breast?
Glenn Close can't believe how much she showed her breasts in Oscar-nominated film: 'They weren't anything spectacular'
–– Deserved booby prize.
Jessica Alba Says Filming 'Fantastic Four' Nude Scene Was 'Humiliating'
–– More than just appearing in that film?
OnlyFans’ Camilla Araujo Says She’s ‘Over It’ After Earning $11 Million
–– After being 'under it.'
BD Wong Apologizes for Racist Joke: ‘I’m Sorry if This Moment Tarnished Any Respect You May’ve Had For Me’
–– No respect, no worries.
Nathan Lane, Laurie Metcalf to Star in Scott Rudin’s ‘Death of a Salesman’ on Broadway
–– Always wondered who wrote that.
‘Avatar: Fire and Ash’ First Reactions Call James Cameron’s Third Chapter an ‘Ultimate Cinematic Spectacle’ That ‘Pushes Technical Boundaries in Unimaginable Ways’
–– 'Who could foresee so many bytes could so totally bite?'
Robert Downey Jr. says Gwyneth Paltrow is "forever confused by the basic tenets of the Marvel Universe," and that she once forgot who Tom Holland is
–– Now you’re just trying to make us like her.
’Ahsoka’s Claudia Black Says She “Had To Bow Out” Of Season 2 Over Pay: “Very Sad For Me”
–– Tragedy for entire nation.
Vin Diesel to Write and Star in ‘Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots’ Movie
–– Who’ll punch up script?
–– Playing ketchup.
Quentin Tarantino 'can't stand' Owen Wilson — but still lists one of his movies as a modern classic
–– Not Owen to his performance.
Guillermo del Toro: 'I'm a Big Fan of Death … I'm Certainly Looking Forward to It'
–– Has experienced often at boxoffice.
‘I’ve had all the luck you can get’: Michael Caine retires for the fourth time
–– What's it all about, iffy?
Jada Pinkett Smith Told Will Smith's Friend He Would 'Catch a Bullet' If He Continued Telling Her 'Personal Business,' $3M Complaint Claims
–– Or at least slap to jaw.
’Diddy: The Reckoning’ Trailer: Netflix Doc Footage Shows Sean Combs Six Days Before His Arrest Saying ‘We’re Losing’
–– Or was that Nostradamus?
Buddy Guy: 'I'm the Last Old Man Playing the Blues'
–– Taj Mahal, 'Hey, Buddy…'
‘Godfather of AI’ says Bill Gates and Elon Musk are right about the future of work—but he predicts mass unemployment is on its way
–– So AI will replace workers to produce consumer products cheaply and vastly expand economy by selling them to unemployed?
Weeks After a Brazen Heist, the Louvre Increases Ticket Prices for Non-E.U. Visitors by 45 Percent
–– Talk about robbery, ai-jeraison?
Pantone’s 2026 color of the year is 'Cloud Dancer' — get the look with these 10 Nordstrom finds
–– In latest slang for ‘hey, stupid, it’s white.’
Should You Close Doors To Unused Rooms In Winter? The Answer Might Surprise You
–– Or ones with annoying house guests?
European country known for stunning women suffers drought of men — forcing would-be brides to ‘hire’ husbands for housework
–– They can’t do because they’re stunned?
Young women are dropping thousands on gruesome rib removal surgery — as dangerous ‘Ozempic body’ trend takes hold
–– Blame Adam for sparing one of his.
McDonald’s promoted its new $8 nugget combo meal, then got blasted online with complaints about affordability, quality and service
–– Customers did approve packaging.
If You Pull This 'Prank' at a Restaurant, You're a Bad Person
–– But we're nice and still climb out bathroom window when check comes.
Julia Roberts Just Revealed Her Favorite Sandwich, and No One Could’ve Predicted the Extra Ingredient
–– Teeth!
–– So funny was Nobel gas.
Parents furious as ‘patriotic’ event tied to Charlie Kirk comes to N.J. school. ‘I’m absolutely speechless.’
–– Him, too.
‘Twerking’ police officer sacked for groping colleagues at party
–– Felt frisky.
A Family Dug Up Their Basement–and Found Their Missing Dad
–– Concrete evidence?
Bryan Kohberger Threatened to ‘Harm Himself,’ Prison Guards Say, But May Just Be ‘Playing Games’
–– He should try Hangman.
Pond frogs devour murder hornets, stinger and all
–– Don't croak?
Do chimps and gorillas ever fight with each other?
–– Only over remote.
Ancient Roman slaves often ate better than ordinary people, new discoveries show
–– At chain restaurants?
Researchers Discover the Shocking Age of the Mysterious Pecos River Rock Art
–– Never noticed time stamp before.
Trump Announces He's Cancelling Biden's Fuel Efficiency Standards For Cars
–– Prefers ass-guzzlers.
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, actor who performed in ‘Mortal Kombat,’ dies at 75
–– Lost mortal combat.
Steve Cropper, Legendary Guitarist for Booker T. & the MG’s, Otis Redding and the Blues Brothers, Dies at 84
–– Comes a Cropper.
