High Tech
Week of 05/30/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Back at SpaceX, Musk says in interview DOGE became D.C.’s ‘whipping boy’
–– As boy whipping weak.
Elon Musk is not leaving Washington quietly
–– Nor, sadly, in handcuffs.
Scott Galloway says Musk's work at DOGE fueled 'one of the greatest brand destructions' of all time
–– On EV of destruction.
Elon Musk says his time in the Trump administration has ‘come to an end’
–– Won't Elongate term.
Trump says Musk ‘really not leaving’ as he marks end of formal tenure in government
–– Can't bear to part with scum, er, son he never had.
Elon Musk’s Legacy Is Disease, Starvation and Death
–– Mission accomplished.
On the Campaign Trail, Elon Musk Juggled Drugs and Family Drama
–– Constantly dropping balls.
Stephen Miller on report of Musk drug use: We’re worried about drugs crossing the border
–– But not between Reagan National, White House.
FAA Faces New Crisis over Elon Musk’s Mass Resignations, Leaked Documents Reveal
–– Shocking because flight's second nature to Musk.
Stocks slide after Trump accuses China of violating Geneva trade agreement
–– While enthusiastically encouraging Russia, Israel to violate Geneva Conventions.
Tariffs, and Trump’s entire economic agenda, were just thrown into chaos
–– From mayhem.
Trump tells families of war dead: Look at me, I have everything
–– Except sanity, respect, potency.
As Trumps Monetize Presidency, Profits Outstrip Protest
–– Plays number's game.
Trade court blocks Trump’s tariffs, saying they are illegal
–– This week in 'Pre-Law 101.'
Trump was just asked about the ‘TACO trade’ for the first time. He called it the ‘nastiest question’
–– Demanded hot source.
Trump’s not happy about Wall Street's name for tariff flip-flops
–– TACO bull.
Trump irritated that his team didn’t tell him about ‘TACO,’ sources say
–– Nor feed him one.
Trump rages at Biden, judges in all-caps holiday message: ‘Happy Memorial Day to all, including the scum’
–– Nice shout out to his team.
Trump Warns Of The Perils Of 'Trophy Wives' During West Point Commencement Speech
–– Looks like Melania hasn't 'polished his loving cup' in years.
Jasmine Crockett: ‘It’s Time for Republicans to Question Trump’s Mental Acuity’
–– Is it 2015 already?
The Punch That Launched Trump’s War on American Universities
–– Harvard beat down.
Why Trump agenda bill means you’ll be paying more for health care
–– Because you’re not rich.
–– Be patient, this may take awhile.
Marjorie Taylor Greene: Teen Detained By ICE After Mistaken Arrest Would Be 'Thriving In Mexico'
–– Oh, so illegal deportations are form of job placement?
Defending Medicaid Cuts, Ernst Tells Iowans, ‘We All Are Going to Die’
–– You first.
Mike Johnson dismisses concern over Trump's private meme coin dinner, says the president does 'everything out in the open'
–– And you still refuse to respond to his criminality.
Trump Lawyers Claim ‘60 Minutes’ Harris Interview Caused Him ‘Mental Anguish,’ Argue That the ‘First Amendment Is No Shield to News Distortion’ in Motion to Deny Paramount Bid to Dismiss Lawsuit
–– Same grounds his lawyers cited in divorce from reality.
Trump Pardoned Tax Cheat After Mother Attended $1 Million Dinner
–– To be fair, cost of Quarter-Pounder, fries, diet Coke were taken out of bribe.
Todd Chrisley ‘blessed’ and vows to fight for others in the justice system
–– 'Blessed' by the Devil.
Democrats find unlikely defender over Biden decline revelations – Trump’s former press secretary
–– Of course, she’s expert at lies, cover-ups.
Ex-Obama aide admits he held back on criticizing Biden's decline because he 'wanted him to f------ win'
–– Senescent brain in jar would’ve made better chief executive.
James Comey Reveals How Trump Pulled Him Back into Politics
–– In worst Pacino impression ever.
"Nothing in their life or their career gives me confidence": James Comey on the top two leaders of the FBI
–– 'Nor a glance into those dead marbles in their eye sockets."
Michigan Gov. Whitmer says Trump agreed not to pardon kidnapping plotters
–– Ransom BS by her.
Jen Psaki mocks Joe Rogan over MAGA white nationalist conspiracy theory and throws strays at new FBI leadership
–– A pit bull and a schnoodle.
Far-right activist with history of anti-gay comments fired from leadership role at Kennedy Center after CNN investigation
–– Far-right activists who wiped their anti-gay comments promoted.
Trump fires director of the National Portrait Gallery
–– Lost her heads.
Democratic troubles revive debate over left-wing buzzwords
–– Live free or DEI.
US ‘silence’ encouraging Putin, says Zelensky, after Russia launches record air assault
–– Reaction was quiet admiration.
Trump says Putin has gone 'absolutely crazy' after massive Russian attack on Ukraine
–– Was 'absolutely crazy' before.
If Trump Walks Away From Ukraine Now, He Looks Weak, and Putin Wins
–– Boy, you don’t get 4D chess, NY Times Editorial Board.
Russia responds to Trump’s criticism of Putin: There is ’emotional overload’ right now
–– And making boom-booms in didy.
Stalin’s Image Returns to Moscow’s Subway, Honoring a Brutal History
–– In honor, all trains now list GULAG as final destination.
North Korea says Trump’s ‘Golden Dome’ reeks of ‘arrogance’
–– Certainly stinks of something.
Netanyahu says Israel killed elusive Hamas leader Mohammed Sinwar in recent Gaza strike
–– Collateral damage in nation’s bombardment of own reputation.
French President Emmanuel Macron Pushed in Face by Wife Brigitte in Viral Moment Caught on Video
–– Abuse-bouche.
French leader's office downplays "moment of togetherness" with wife
–– Shared face time with world.
Mel Gibson Meets Italian Culture Minister in Matera While Prepping to Shoot ‘The Resurrection of the Christ’
–– For cross promotion.
Kevin Spacey Directed a Supernatural Action-Thriller in Which He Stars Alongside Dolph Lundgren, Tyrese Gibson and Eric Roberts
–– After the Hoff, Terrence Howard and Gary Busey said no.
‘The Office’ Star Jenna Fischer Says Getting Fired for Sneaking Into an ‘SNL’ Party Was Worth It: ‘I Met Molly Shannon’
–– Gee, that would’ve been worth 5 years in federal pen.
Nick Kroll Opens Up About Orchestrating John Mulaney’s Drug Intervention in 2020: ‘I Was So Deeply Scared He Was Gonna Die’
–– 'And then who would I share those hilarious tuna quips with?'
At Diddy trial, ex-personal assistants recall smashed whiskey glasses, bags of drugs, and mopping up after freak offs
–– Or ‘the best years of our lives.'
Sean 'Diddy' Combs' Ex-Employees Testify About His Odd Food Demands, Including 'Applesauce on Cheeseburgers'
–– Wow, he really is sick f**k.
Harrison Ford and Gene Simmons to Be Honored by Operation Smile (EXCLUSIVE)
–– That’s gonna be more like grimace.
Bono Cheekily Weighs in On Springsteen Vs. Trump Squabble: ‘There’s Only One Boss in America’
–– For E-Street band in DC?
‘Lilo & Stitch’ and the Power of Zillennial Nostalgia at the Movie Theater
–– Gen Z deserves Grade Z.
‘Harry Potter’ HBO Series Casts Harry, Ron and Hermione
–– Execs used snorting hat.
‘Comics Unleashed’ Returns to CBS Late-Night Schedule Following ‘Midnight’ Cancellation
–– Return of Indian-head test pattern more entertaining.
Chrissy Teigen Reveals She Underwent a ‘Hairline Lowering Procedure’ After Photo of Her Bandaged Face Goes Viral
–– Sounds like entire brow lowered.
–– And 'flash the luscious ass.'
Hailey Bieber Strikes $1 Billion Deal to Sell Rhode to e.l.f. Beauty
–– e.l.f.in' unbelievable!
Miley Cyrus Got a “Brutal Infection” After Filming on Hollywood Walk of Fame: “My Leg Began to Disintegrate”
–– Rolled around where scabrous Minnie Mouse nested.
Country Icon, 73, Faces Backlash For Controversial Memorial Day Message
–– Wrote 'Happy Memorial Day' upsetting all beachgoers, BBQers
“The Apprentice” Alum Omarosa Graduates from Law School and Proudly Marks the 'Culmination of a Promise I Made to Myself'
–– ‘Other promise was enough face work to make me look 24.’
Christopher McQuarrie Says the Plot of ‘Top Gun 3’ Is ‘Already In the Bag’: ‘It Wasn’t Hard’
–– ‘That’s why they call ‘em clichés.’
Jenna Ortega Says ‘I Was an Unhappy Person’ After ‘Wednesday’ Fame and ‘There’s Something Very Patronizing’ About Being ‘Dressed in the Schoolgirl Costume’
–– Wednesday’s child full of disgrace?
Kenan Thompson Teases “A Lot of Change” at ‘SNL’ Next Season
–– Gonna try funny this year?
Ron Howard Reveals How He Really Felt About His 'Happy Days’ Co-Star Henry Winkler
–– Not among biggest Fonz?
500 Broadway Performers Sign Open Letter Urging Tony Awards to Disinvite Patti LuPone for ‘Degrading and Misogynistic’ Comments
–– Don't like her diva-may-care attitude?.
Diane von Fürstenberg's Husband Barry Diller Comes Out as Gay
–– As beard she always felt ‘most like Van Dyke.’
Robin Williams’ ‘Popeye’ Had the ‘Most Coked-Up Film Set’ and ‘Everyone Was Stoned,’ Says Former Studio Boss: ‘They Were Shipping’ Cocaine in Film Canisters
–– And snorting ‘candied' spinach.
Meghan Markle Reveals 2 Items Prince Archie Got From the Tooth Fairy
–– A quarter, signed head shot from mom.
King Charles “Trembled” and “Shrieked” When He Saw This Everyday Kitchen Staple
–– A potty-shaped blender.
How Charles and Camilla spoke through symbols in Canada
–– Mostly with middle fingers.
Ben Stiller Calls Pat McAfee ‘Weird’ for Comments About Him, Timothée Chalamet and Spike Lee Attending Knicks Game: ‘Seems a Little Anachronistic or Cliche?’
–– ‘Anachronistic’ like redneck caveman?
Knicks Fan Paid Online Witch to Cast a Spell to Ensure Game 5 Win over Pacers
–– A Knickromancer?
Danica Patrick Claims Aaron Rodgers ‘Relationship Was Emotionally Abusive’ and He ‘Leaves a Trail of Blood’
–– Mostly own when playing quarterback.
Chinese paraglider accidentally swept more than 28,000 ft above ground
–– We have on high authority.
Kermit the Frog tells University of Maryland graduates to ‘leap together’ during commencement address
–– Sponsored by letter P, for Parents who Paid Plenty and are Pissed.
Millions of Americans hit with bad credit after missed student loan payments
–– Something they didn’t teach in ethnic studies.
Supreme Court allows Trump to revoke legal status for 530K migrants for now
–– Score high in deportment.
U.S. citizen with REAL ID handcuffed and held in immigration raid before being released
–– Agents exercised their real id.
Am I hot or not? People are asking ChatGPT for the harsh truth.
–– We have answer to ‘Who’s most desperate of all.’
11 Reasons Married People Should Still Masturbate
–– 1. Having sex with someone they love.
‘Welcome In.’ The Two-Word Greeting That’s Taking Over and Driving Shoppers Nuts.
–– We're still fuming about 'Have a nice da…', goddamned clerks –– they should all burn in Hell!
Coca-Cola unveils innovative 'reverse vending machines' that could be game-changers for consumers: 'Set a precedent'
–– Can reach into your pocket to remove loose change.
Her boyfriend fell asleep on the train. Then she spent the six-hour journey talking to her future husband
–– Who was later killed by boyfreind for insurance money.
The American ‘revenge travel’ surge is over. Fear and uncertainty are big factors
–– Now destination countries want revenge.
A Passenger in Seat 1B Asked a Flight Attendant 1 Question. Then He Was Immediately Reported to a Supervisor
–– Who actually knew what consciousness is.
81 years after he died in World War II, a young aviator comes home
–– Not in cockpit we hope.
Former police chief, serving murder and rape sentences, escapes from Arkansas prison
–– To protect and sever.
Florida Man Sentenced to 30 Days for Shooting and Poisoning Dolphins
–– In that order?
Fisherman stunned after reeling in monstrous, record-breaking fish: 'It's incredible'
–– Had just swum 100 meters freestyle in 46.30 seconds.
“A colossal crab the size of a car tyre broke into my cabin”
–– That’s how he rolls.
9 animals that could take on (and probably kill) a saltwater crocodile
–– 9) Unsheathed Swordfish, 8) Bullet Tuna, 7) Capping Turtle, 6) Battlenose Dolphin, 5) Killyfish, 4) Icefish, 3) Scuttle Fish, 2) Rod Snapper, 1) Deathblowfish.
18 ugliest animals in the world
–– 1) Tie: Stephen Miller, Steven Cheung, Naked Mole Rat.
Humans believe they understand their dogs. Our research gave us pause.
–– Or paws?
Archaeologists found a strange red mark on rock. Forensic police helped them unravel who made it
–– Indiana Jones with nose bleed.
Global crises disrupt effort to get millions to quit smoking, report says
–– In unmatched effort.
How the US became the biggest military emitter and stopped everyone finding out
–– Emission possible.
‘Duck Dynasty’ star Phil Robertson dead at 79 after battle with Alzheimer’s disease
–– Duck’s out.
Former Rep. Charlie Rangel, trailblazing New York lawmaker, dies at 94
–– Charlie hearse.
Bernard Kerik, Trump ally and NYPD commissioner during 9/11, dies at 69
–– Keeping stool in Hell warm for Rudy.
Loretta Swit, ‘Hot Lips’ Houlihan on ‘MASH,’ Dies at 87
–– At Swit’s end.
Marcel Ophuls, ‘Sorrow and the Pity’ Documentarian, Dies at 97
–– It’s both.
