Down Memory Ghislaine
Week of 08/01/25
Actual headlines from the internets. You Google 'em.
Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell quietly moved out of Florida federal prison
–– Somewhere peaceful with fewer cameras.
The job market’s warning lights are flashing red
–– Guy who turns them off fired.
Trump says Epstein hired young women from his Mar-a-Lago spa
–– Was John on the spot.
Virginia Giuffre’s Family Was Shocked That Trump Described Her as ‘Stolen’
–– Did he have lean on his property?
Family of Epstein abuse survivor urges Trump not to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell: 'A monster who deserves to rot in prison'
–– Yes, he is.
Ghislaine Maxwell offers testimony for immunity
–– Against STDs?
Trump Says It Would be 'Inappropriate' to Comment on Whether He's Considering Ghislaine Maxwell Pardon
–– And we know he's pimp of propriety.
America’s Economic Data Disaster Worse Than We Thought
–– We, the unconscious?
The U.S. job market was weak in July, and previous months were worse than thought
–– Weaker than someone who believed his administation about Epstein files.
Big downward jobs revisions could be a warning sign for the economy.
–– Concerning when Trump inflated figures by quarter million in two months?
Trump Fires Senior Labor Official Over Jobs Numbers
–– Fires messenger through own foot.
Why Trump’s Firing of the B.L.S. Commissioner Is So Damaging
–– Did he think was BLM?
Trump’s Scotland trip latest example of blending private business with presidential duties
–– Such genteel way of saying theft.
Trump hosts Starmer in Scotland, promoting his own golf club
–– Putters a round.
Trump caught on camera ‘cheating at golf’
–– Lie like a dog.
Stephen Colbert Defends Trump for ‘Allegedly’ Cheating on Scottish Golf Course: ‘Hasn’t Seen His Own Balls in Years’ | Video
–– Can't pay caddie enough to clean them.
Trump’s imaginary numbers, from $1.99 gas to 1,500 percent price cuts
–– Comes from days as math whiz.
Bongino vows to uncover ‘truth’ in cryptic message: ‘We cannot run a Republic like this’
–– You and moron boss apparently trying.
Dan Bongino Issues Ominous Statement About FBI Corruption Probe: ‘Shocked Me Down to My Core’
–– Don’t you mean ‘hole in my middle?’
Kash Patel’s Girlfriend, 26, Confronted With MAGA Spy Accusations While Spilling on Their Relationship
–– Pateling lies.
What Will It Cost to Renovate the ‘Free’ Air Force One? Don’t Ask.
–– On this, Pentagon is, ‘Don’t tell.’
Hegseth’s ousting of female leaders may have ‘chilling effect’ at Pentagon
–– But it makes him warm in loins.
Board recommends that Trump White House official Jeffrey Clark be disbarred for efforts to overturn 2020 election
–– WH rcommends for Nobel Prize in Literature.
Grassley says he was ‘offended’ and ‘disappointed’ by Trump’s insults
–– His ass is Grassley.
The Short-Lived Plan to Produce a Trump-Themed Instant Pot
–– In pot against America.
Eric Trump gives three-word response to question about whether he will run in 2028
–– ‘Where’s the rabbit?’
The Elite Panic at the Heart of Liberal Attacks on Mamdani
–– Should be like Alfred E. Neuman about losing national elections for foreseeable future.
‘Clinton Plan’ Emails Were Likely Made by Russian Spies, Declassified Report Show
–– Without pravdacation?
California Democrats debate what a Harris governor run could mean for them
–– Cheap laughs?
Kamala Harris Laments ‘Broken’ System That ‘Capitulates’ to Trump in Stephen Colbert Interview
–– And who exactly coulda stopped him?
Axelrod: Harris ‘setting herself up’ for 2028 presidential run
–– More like setting us up.
Under Siege From Trump and Musk, a Top Liberal Group Falls Into Crisis
–– Media Matters lives matter?
Pete Buttigieg says Democratic Party’s attachment to two words handed Trump the White House in 2024
–– No, not ‘trans rights.’
’QAnon Shaman' Was Pardoned by Trump for Role in Jan. 6 Riot. Now He's Slamming Trump as a 'Fraud'
–– Who asked him to horn in?
Republican’s Town Hall Blows Up in His Face as He’s Showered in Boos
–– Then came clean?
Congresswoman Lauren Boebert Speaks Out as Son Tyler, 20, Faces Child Abuse Allegations Tied to Incident with Her Grandson
–– Fears Mother and Grandmother of Year nominations in trouble.
Republican Announces Senate Run—and Misspells State He’s Running In
–– It is Georgia where voters can’t neither.
Alan Dershowitz says he’s suing Martha’s Vineyard vendor for refusing to sell him pierogi
–– He should get stuffed.
Trump is off to a good start with an AI action plan
–– Did ChatGPT write this, WAPO?
The gulf is not the place to build the world’s AI infrastructure
–– Not that UAE, Saudis don’t deserve energy-sucking hell on earth.
Mike Huckabee, Israel’s Passionate Defender as Gaza War Drives Allies Away
–– Making room for Horsemen of Apocalypse.
As Trump Shifts Blame to Hamas, His Envoy Plans to See Hunger Crisis Firsthand
–– Taking time off from botching peace talks.
Israel to let more aid trucks into Gaza, under pressure over hunger crisis
–– But only unleavened bread.
Trump gives Russia 10 days to reach ceasefire with Ukraine
–– Kremlin scrambles to guess new date after so many deadlines.
Trump Sharpens Sanctions Threat on Russia, While Admitting It May Not Work
–– What, continued empty threats?
Renaming the Kennedy Center for Donald and Melania Trump would violate the law that created it
–– And of decency, nature, Almighty.
What Corp. for Public Broadcasting Shutdown Means For NPR, PBS
–– 24/7 fund-raising to the oldies.
Piers Morgan: ‘No Wonder’ Stephen Colbert Got Canceled When Most Late Night Hosts Are ‘Activist Hacks for the Democrats’
–– Says hackiest hack ever.
Matthew Lawrence’s Questioning of the ‘Superman’ Dog-Superhero Bond Sparks Debate
–– Should absolutely anyone care what juvenile lead from Mrs. Doubtfire thinks?
Sean Penn and Ann Lee Are on a Mission to Rebuild the World — One Disaster at a Time
–– So post-Gonzo Girl, Daddio, Asphalt City?
Jay Leno Criticizes Political Late-Night Hosts: “Nobody Wants to Hear a Lecture”
–– Then falls on face again.
Adam Sandler’s Movies, Ranked Worst to Best
–– Not worse to worst?
Melissa Gilbert Reveals How She and Husband Timothy Busfield Keep Their Marriage ‘Grounded’ After 12 Years
–– As you would any plane wreck.
Rebecca Romijn Isn’t “Sure” She’s Done Filming for ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Because “They Haven’t Finishing Writing” the Script
–– Wonders when she can eat again.
Neal McDonough Says ‘Hollywood Turned on Me’ After ‘I Wouldn’t Kiss Another Woman On-Screen’: ‘I Couldn’t Get a Job and I Lost Everything’
–– Kissed off?
Rock Hudson Wasn’t Gay for Mamie Van Doren, She Says: The Hollywood Bombshell Isn’t Holding Back at 94
–– On time as bearded lady.
‘Shrek’ Donkey Spinoff Movie Firmly Happening, Eddie Murphy Says
–– Bray Fart?
Casey Affleck Drafts Letter in Support of Bill That Protects Baby Monkeys in Massachusetts
–– Puts in barrel with them where he think it will be more fun.
“I Didn’t Want to Offend Him as a Thespo”: Jeff Bridges Talks Working With Method Actor Jared Leto on ‘Tron: Ares’
–– Is Leto short for letsbian?
Hypergamy? David Geffen’s Divorce Gives New Meaning to an Old Term
–– Pretentious Latin term no human has ever used outside classroom.
Anne Burrell’s Final Season of ‘Worst Cooks in America’ Premieres July 28 — Here’s How to Stream It Online
–– And try to guess which meal caused despair.
Jennifer Lopez Laughs Off Wardrobe Malfunction During Concert: “I’m Glad I Had Underwear On”
–– Almost got J-Low shot.
Heidi Klum says the biggest misconception about being a woman over 50 is that 'you are off the shelf'
–– You’re on bottom one.
JD Vance Urges Democrats Angry Over Sydney Sweeney Jeans Ads to Keep It Up: ‘Continue to Tell Everybody’ Who Thinks She Is Attractive That They’re ‘a Nazi’
–– Especially bearded middle-aged guy humping sofa while ad plays in slo-mo.
White House Says Liberal Outrage Over Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Jeans Commercial Is ‘Moronic’ and a ‘Big Reason Americans’ Voted for Trump
–– Moronic either way.
Trump ‘Seriously’ Considering a Pardon for His Old Friend Diddy
–– Always was scum sponge.
Sean Combs’ Allies Have Upped Pardon Talks. His Survivors Want to Shut Them Down
–– Lubing the skids?
Gary Busey Pleads Guilty to Sex Crimes Charge, Admits 'It Was Not an Accidental Touching'
–– We always thought he was touched.
Bill Burr Says ‘CNN and Fox News Are a F—ing Disease,’ Fires Back at ‘Horrible’ Conservatives Bashing Him as ‘Woke’: ‘They’re Racists’ and ‘Cowards’
–– Burr in saddle.
Jason Momoa Records Himself Shaving for the First Time in Six Years for ‘Dune 3’ Filming: ‘Only For’ Denis Villeneuve and ‘Goddamnit I Hate It’
–– Not Dune what comes naturally?
Tom Selleck, 80, Looks Unrecognizable During Rare Outing Without Signature Mustache
–– Meanwhile, facial hair mobbed by fans.
Tyra Banks shocks Jenna Bush Hager with confession about what she does in bed
–– Smizes during REM sleep!
Lindsay Lohan Shocks Kelly Ripa with the Main Reason Why She Loves Living in Dubai
–– Foliage season!
Justin Timberlake Reveals Lyme Disease Diagnosis, Battled ‘Nerve Pain, Crazy Fatigue’ and More on Tour but Refused to Cancel Shows: ‘I’m So Glad I Kept Going’
–– Ticket buyers, ‘Thanks for sharing… pain and fatigue.'
Country Star Hit in Face Mid-Show Has Fans Saying It 'Ruined' the Performance
–– Performing hit!
The Coldplay kiss-cam frenzy shows we need a culture shift
–– Away from their boring music.
Nostalgia is eating us alive. Instead of building a new world, we’re regurgitating a past that never existed
–– Remembrance of things pissed.
Phillies fans seemingly caught on video in Yankee Stadium sex act
–– Phelattio?
Ichiro Suzuki zings Hall of Fame voter who kept him from unanimous election
–– Slid in low.
‘SI’ Swim model risks braless handkerchief top for windy helicopter ride
–– Blows nose, pilot.
We Were Skeptical of One-Size ‘Crinkle’ Swimsuits. Here’s What Changed Our Minds.
–– Crinkly sensation down there.
‘Ozempic face’ may be driving a cosmetic surgery boom
–– And childhood nightmares.
What it feels like to spend $10M on a handbag, according to the man who did it
–– Obviously incapable of shame.
Winning bidder of $10M Birkin bag wanted to inflict 'psychological damage' on opponents
–– And accountant.
Inside Kim Jong Un’s New Beach Resort, Where the Only Foreigners Are Russian
–– Club Nyet.
French resort town cracks down on ‘half-naked’ visitors
–– Demands, ‘Tout ou rein.’
Can My Boss Bring His ‘Situationship’ to Hang Out All Day at the Office?
–– Can you use that term and not sound like idiot all day?
I moved from New York City to Texas for my husband. Now, we're divorced, and I'm full of regret and far from home.
–– This week in ‘And?’
Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping’
–– We hear men exhausted with women’s moansplaining.
What Does McDonald's Do With Leftover Food?
–– Fabricates shower grout.
7 Mistakes Everyone Makes When Ordering At Jersey Mike's
–– 5. Forgetting to bring Imodium.
This Frozen Pizza Is So Good I Ate It Three Nights In A Row
–– Unfortunately, did not have in hospital room after gastric lavage.
’College hazing’ or training? Amid shortage, air traffic recruits wash out.
–– ‘Hazing’ if snowflakes are only being prepped to save brewskis.
Pilot who removed Jewish children from flight trained two 9/11 hijackers
–– This week in ‘Coinkydinks.’
Turbulence sends 25 people to the hospital, Delta says
–– Dropped off via parachute?
Subway Manager Allegedly Locked 10-Year-Old Girl in a Room and Berated Her After She Walked Across Floor He Just Mopped
–– That tracks.
Rifle-toting NYC shooter Shane Tamura kills 5 —including NYPD officer — injures several before turning gun on himself at Blackstone, NFL HQ
–– Thanks, time-saving headline.
People Can't Believe This GOP Senator's Comments After The Shooting In Midtown Manhattan Are Real
–– Draw blank stares.
‘Doomsday’ killer Lori Vallow Daybell receives two more life sentences
–– Sentence now stretches beyond Doomsday.
The manhunt in an Arkansas couple’s killing ended at a barbershop near the suspect’s home
–– Clipped by authorities.
Scientists Found Sticky Goo Inside a 2,500-Year-Old Jar. Seventy Years Later, They Finally Know What It Is
–– Italy’s first sperm bank.
The bizarre blue blood of a prehistoric-looking ‘living fossil’ has saved millions of human lives – here’s how it works
–– Lucky horseshoe crab.
100 years ago, scientists thought we’d be eating food made from air
–– And breathing toast!
Boy injured when octopus grabbed his arm at Texas aquarium, his mom says
–– Sucker borne every minute.
Denied federal flood relief, a Maryland town is left on its own
–– Trump 2024 signs washed away?
Scientists crush ice cores to predict Antarctica's next big ice crack
–– After crushed ice core?
Bizarre Moment Trump Declares Windmills Are ‘Killing Us’
–– Round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, Never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel.
Wallis Annenberg, Billionaire Philanthropist Who Backed Arts, Science and Other Causes, Dies at 86
–– Wallis embalm it.
Tom Lehrer, Musical Satirist Whose Influence Peaked in the ’50s and ’60s, Dies at 97
–– Guess this not written by fan.
