CINEMA 2012

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Django Unchained –– Unchained malady.
Les Misérables –– Lame is.
Parental Guidance –– Cramp parents.
Promised Land –– Frickin’ frack.
Quartet –– On all fours.
West of Memphis –– Acquit while you're ahead.
Tabu –– Ban aid.
Allegiance –– I don't pledge.


This is 40 –– Miles of bad road.
Zero Dark Thirty –– Bin Laden-di-da.
Monsters, Inc. 3D –– Workers' frights.
The Guilt Trip –– Mother load.
Jack Reacher –– Reacher ‘round.
Amour –– Or less.
The Impossible –– Tsunami on rye.
On the Road –– Kerouac jobs.
Cirque Du Soleil: Worlds Away 3D –– Tumble bums.
Barbara –– Oy Doktor.
Not Fade Away –– Why not?
No Rest for the Wicked –– They’re busy making movies like this.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey –– Filthy Hobbits.
Any Day Now –– Oops and Downs.
Save the Date –– Save the money.
Yelling to the Sky –– A howler.
Saving Grace B. Jones –– Not from embarrassment.
The Loving Story –– I’m not loving.
Trashed –– Garbage.
In the Hive –– Buzz. Kill.


Hyde Park on Hudson –– Hyde and go suck.
Playing for Keeps –– And creeps.
Lay the Favorite –– For bettor or worse.
Deadfall –– A ton of pricks.
Tchoupitoulas –– The Big Queasy.
Bad Kids Go to Hell –– And watch this.
The Rabbi’s Cat –– Katz n’ jabber.
The Fitzgerald Family Christmas –– Creche test dummies.
Cheerful Weather for the Wedding –– Wed lox.
Dino Time –– The Cretinaceous period.
Killing Them Softly –– With his schlong.
The Collection –– Of Hummels.
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning –– Day of wreckin’ ‘em.
Dragon –– Ballz.
Silent Night –– Holey Night.
Hecho En Mexico –– Mextapes.
California Solo –– That you have to crawl to see it.
Wagner & Me –– Nonesuch Richard’s.
Hello Herman –– Herman monster.
Addicted to Fame –– In pill form.
King Kelly –– Kelly ripper.
Certainty –– Dead.
What A Man –– What, a man?
Ex-Girlfriends –– Former jones.
Highway Gospel –– Praise the tolls.
Beware of Mr. Baker –– Ginger snaps.
Love, Marilyn –– Not particularly.
Hitchcock –– Psycho babble.
Life of Pi –– Lemon Pi.
Red Dawn –– Pretty Dawn funny.
Rise of the Guardians –– Guardian-variety.
The Central Park Five –– Rape nut serial.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 –– Twi fie.
Anna Karenina –– A train wretch.
Silver Linings Playbook –– Manic Cooper.
Rust and Bone –– Corrode-pleaser.
Hitler’s Children –– Mother Goose steppers.
Price Check –– U p, c?
Barrymore –– The Not-So-Great Profile.
Funeral Kings –– The king of biers.
Generation P –– Putin the trash.
Who Bombed Judi Bari? –– Yes.
The Normals –– Stock options.
Buffalo Girls –– Thai box.

Skyfall –– Craig lists.
Lincoln –– Logorrhea.
A Royal Affair –– Dane cooked.
The Comedy –– Of errors.
Citadel –– Fort escape.
Nature Calls –– Don’t answer.
Chasing Ice –– Floe max.
28 Hotel Rooms –– Vacant lot.
Starlet –– Hollywood bawl.
In Their Skin –– Schlub dermal.
Christmas In Compton –– Fa, LA, LA, LA, LA.
Coming Up Roses –– Right after the vomit.
The Standbys –– Fill-ins the blanks.
50 Years of James Bond


Wreck-It Ralph –– Wrecked-'em.
Flight –– Dick.
The Bay –– Of pigs.
This Must Be the Place –– Penn & smeller.
The Last Quartet –– Be four-warned.
The Details –– Spare me.
A Liar's Autobiography –– Glam Chapman.
The Man With the Iron Fists ––On which the director sits.
Vamps –– Blonde suckers.
Jack & Diane –– Lezzy fair.
Cloud Atlas –– They can’t be cirrus.
Chasing Mavericks –– Surf n’ turd.
Silent Hill: Revelation 3D –– Hill-conceived.
Fun Size –– Not too big to fail.
The Loneliest Planet –– Sphere and loathing.
Pusher –– Junk feud.
Sleep Tight –– Go to bed drunk.
The Revisionaries –– Alter egos.
The Other Son –– The really dumb one.
Dinotasia –– Dino mite.
The Black Tulip –– Plucky.
Orchestra of Exiles –– Band of bothers.
Gut –– Less.
The Zen of Bennett –– Extended Bennett fits.
Alex Cross –– A heavy Cross to bear.
Paranormal Activity 4 –– The new Paranormal.
Holy Motors –– Combustion my chops.
The Sessions –– Lame ass.
Nobody Walks –– Everybody runs…from this.
Codebreaker –– Turing company.
The First Time –– Virgin on the ridiculous.
We Are Legion: The Story of the Hacktivists –– Told by a hack.
Tai Chi Zero –– Overrated.
All Together –– Ugly roomers.
My Worst NIghtmare –– Realized.
Brooklyn Castle –– Turrets syndrome.
Sexy Baby –– Pussy riot.
The Flat –– Flat.
That’s What She Said –– She sad.

Seven Psychopaths –– Crazy shit.
Argo –– Naught.
Here Comes the Boom –– Badder Boom.
3,2,1…Frankie Go Boom –– And bust.
Smashed –– Beasts of bourbon.
Gayby –– Scayby.
Fame High –– High and lowest.
Special Forces –– Force square.
Grave Encounters 2 –– Dead meet.
The Big Picture –– Doucher vu.
Middle of Nowhere –– The center desperation.
Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 –– Rand pall.
War of the Buttons –– On again, off again.
Smiley –– Faced.
A Shallow Grave –– Dirt cheap.
Hotel Noir –– Reserve a noir dog.


Frankenweenie –– Dawg of the dead.
Taken 2 –– The cleaners.
Sinister –– Lefty frazzle.
V/H/S –– Pause.
Just 45 Minutes From Broadway –– In a dumpster down an alley.
The Paperboy –– Doesn’t deliver.
Butter –– Balls!
Wuthering Heights –– Moors the pity.
Sister –– Soeur head.
The Oranges –– Not apeeling.
Wake in Fright –– Outback stakeouts.
Fat Kid Rules the World –– Obese wanker newbie.
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You –– When you recommend this to someone you hate.
Hotel Transylvania –– The service sucks.
Looper –– L’oops!
Won’t Back Down –– A taught drama.
Solomon KaneSolomon grungy.
Pitch Perfect –– Tone deaf.
BearCity 2: the Proposal –– The cub runneth over.
The Hole –– Reviews itself.
The Barrens –- Barren, alright.
Bringing Up Bobby –– Flay.
The Other Dream Team –– Red zone offense.
The Waiting Room –– Doctor doom.
Dredd 3D –– Dredd lox.
Perks of Being a Wallflower –– Shyer education.
Trouble With the Curve –– Every Which Way But Lucid.
House at the End of the Street –– Dead end skids.
About Cherry –– The pits.
End of Watch –– Patrol bloat.
How to Survive a Plague –– Antidotal evidence.
17 Girls –– Baby bump and grind.
Killing Them Softly –– With his schlong.
Unconditional –– Unqualified.
Ten Year –– Decadent.
Diana Vreeland… The Eye Has to Travel –– Harpy's bizarre.
Head Games –– Concussed's last stand.
Occupy Unmasked –– Zuccotti snark.
Knuckleball! –– Knuck knuck joke.
The Master –– Of the louse.
Finding Nemo 3D –– Open to deep bait.
Resident Evil: Retribution –– Payback…the patrons.
Arbitrage –– Bare market.
10 Years –– Hard labor.
Freelancers –– Corn on the cop.
Stolen –– Who'd want it?
Liberal Arts –– Uni tard.
Last Ounce of Courage –– Bad to the last drop.
Francine –– Cats and dog.
The Trouble With the Truth –– It hurts and so does this.
Bachelorette –– Wed dreams.
The Words –– Rough writer.
The Inbetweeners –– Middling.
Girl Model –– Pedo files.
The Cold Light of Day –– Spy crust.
The Eye of the Storm –– Becalmed.
Hello I Must Be Going –– Buh-bye!
Keep the Lights On –– In the theatre.
Toys in the Attic –– Bad garret.
Bait –– Wormy.
Serving Up Richard –– Fine dying.
[REC] 3 Genesis –– A total [REC].
Branded –– X.
Southern Girls –– Belles de snore.
Beauty Is Embarrassing –– Then this is a beauty.
For Ellen –– Even she hasn't seen it.
Lawless –– Prohibition error.
The Day –– Munch kin.
The Possession –– A hora film.
For a Good Time, Call… –– Phone rubber.
The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure –– Ewwgie woogie.
The Baytown Disco –– Feebler crackers.
Little Birds –– Peehens.
Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy –– Pill plopper.
The Tall Man –– Yoyo shorty.
The Bullet Vanishes
–– Up its ass.
The Flying Swords of Dragon Gate –– Thrust busters.
The Good Doctor
–– Dr. Feelbad.
Side by Side –– Film to video con version.
The Ambassador –– Shitty consul.
Premium Rush –– Bike-curious.
The Apparition –– Things that go bum in the night.
Hit & Run –– Roadkill.
Sleepwalk With Me –– Ambien music.
The Revenant –– That's So Revenant.
General Education –– Low class.
Neighbouring Sounds –– Nabes that tune.
2016 Obama's America –– Broke Obama.
Hermano –– Barrio bomber.
The Loneliest Planet –– Lacked a heavenly body.
Samsara –– Photo fetish.
The Victim –– You, in this case.
Teddy Bear –– Hugly.
Thunderstruck –– Dumb Struck.
Wild Horse, Wild Ride –– Not worth the bucks.
The Expendables 2 –– Sly and the Family Stone Age.
The Odd Life of Timothy Green –– Plant parenthood.
ParaNorman –– Smells like tween spirit.
Sparkle –– Glint remover
Robot and Frank –– Tin-skinned.
Compliance –– Obey of pigs.
Cosmopolis –– Cosmo crammer.
Chicken With Plums –– Bite the pullet.
Little Birds –– Tits.
Why Stop Now? –– I haven’t puked yet.
Saints and Soldiers: Airborne Creed –– Parachute pans.
Beloved –– By losers.
Predisposed –– Before it rots.
The Bourne Legacy –– Intelligence leak.
The Campaign –– Vie?
Hope Springs –– Infernal.
The Awakening –– A rested development.
2 Days in New York –– Blank and white.
Red Hook Summer –– Brooklyn dodgy.
The Green Wave –– It’s vomit.
Meet the Fokkens –– Fokken ridiculous.
Goats –– Goats busters.
Max and the Junkmen –– Max deadroom.
Supercapitalist –– Buck owings.
La Foli Almayer –– Foli square.
Total Recall –– Total reek hole.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days –– Wussy cat.
360 –– Fool circle.
Celeste and Jesse Forever –– Divorce case scenario.
Craigslist Joe –– Listless.
Dreams of a Life –– Stiff and nonsense.
The Babymakers –– Screwed.
Soldiers of Fortune –– Dick army.
Assassin’s Bullet –– Blankety-blank.
You’ve Been Trumped –– Donald, duck!
The Watch –– Guard damned.
Ruby Sparks –– Why, iota…!
Killer Joe –– Mourning Joe.
Little White Lies –– Just lies there.
Step Up Revolution –– Dance crude.
Sacrifice –– A small Sacrifice.
Searching for Sugar Man –– Sweet "genius."
Nuit #1 –– Bone Nuit.
Burning Man –– Cinderfella.
Planet of Snail –– Crawls.
Klown –– Question, bro.
Falling Overnight –– Brain droppings.
Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry –– Weiwei out.
The Dark Knight Rises –– To the level of mediocrity.
The Runway –– Hard landing.
Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai –– Slice and dies.
The Well Digger’s Daughter –– Deep doo doo.
The Queen of Versailles –– Vice o' Versailles.
30 Beats –– Beats off.
Fixing the Future –– With Polident.
Strong! –– Yes, the odor is.
Ice Age: Continental Drift –– Glacial stereotypes.
Red Lights –– On the blink.
The Imposter –– Sub human.
Trishna –– Hairy Trishna.
Farewell, My Queen –– Let them eat c••t.
Alps –– Oolps!
Union Square –– Downtown flabby.
Blind Revenge –– Sighed unseen.
The Obama Effect –– Barack peters.
Drunkboat –– Three shits to the wind.
Easy Money –– They got my 12 bucks.
The Amazing Spider-Man –– Web drowser.
Savages –– Dealing with stress.
Katy Perry: Part of Me –– Rack Perry.
The Magic of Belle Isle
–– Isle pass.
The Pact –– Pact rats.
Crazy Eyes –– Like Marty Feldman's.
The Do-Deca-Pentathlon –– O, limp pic!
Collabrator –– The puddy system.
Last Ride
–– You go weaving.
China Heavyweight –– Oneton soup.
United in Anger: A History of ACT UP –– First AIDS squad.

TOP

OSCAR LE RANT 2012

Best Picture Nominees:

The Artist –– Formerly known as Mince.
The Descendants –– Hawaiian paunch.
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close — & Amazingly Twee.
The Help — Less.
Hugo –– Because I won't.
Midnight in Paris — Clichés longue.
Moneyball — Beane balls.
The Tree of Life –– Branch rickety.
War Horse –– Saddle snores.


Magic Mike –– Privates' Benjamins.
Ted –– Bear, naked ladies.
People Like Us –– But I don’t.
Take This Waltz –– And shove it.
Madea’s Witness Protection –– If you witness this, you'll need protection.
Beasts of the Southern Wild –– New Orleans jazz.
Unforgivable –– Pretty much.
A Burning Hot Summer –– Hazy, lazy, crazy.
Neil Young Journeys –– To a boring place.


Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter –– The decapitation proclamation.
Brave –– Fart.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World –– Doom buddy.
To Rome with Love –– A foul-a Roma.
The Last Ride –– Rank Williams.
Grassroots –– A groundsmell.
Nate & Margaret –– Indie rot.
Stella Days –– Less than Stella.
Bro’ –– 'Ken.
The Invisible War –– The transparent trap.
Rock of Ages –– Metal fatigue.
That’s My Boy –– Pater pan.
Your Sister’s Sister –– Sis boom. Bah.
The Woman in the Fifth –– A Fifth of wry.
Something from Nothing: The Art of Rap –– Glum rappers.
The Tortured –– aka the Audience.
Extraterrestrial –– Outta space.
Americano -- Daffé Americano.
The Girl from the Naked Eye –– Keep your eyes clothed.
Ikland –– Ickland.
Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present –– Regift.
Prometheus –– Godsmacked.
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted –– Not mine.
Bel Ami – Diving Bel.
Safety Not Guaranteed –– Time stump.
Peace, Love & Misunderstanding –– What's so funny about? Nothin'.
Lola Versus –– From bad to Versus.
Dark Horse –– 'Night, mare.
For the Love of Money –– And Mike.
Corpo Celeste –– Corpo crispy.
Paul Williams Still Alive –– Who asked?
2016: Obama’s America –– Barry glib.
1 Out of 7 –– Approve.
Snow White and the Huntsman –– Dwarful.
Piranha 3DD –– 4FF.
High School –– Promcom.
Hide Away –– From view.
For Greater Glory –– Rent a Pauly Shore movie.
Apartment 143 –– Low rent.
The Loved Ones –– Sneer torture.
5 Broken Cameras –– Except the one that would've helped.
Battlefield America –– See urchins.
A Cat in Paris –– Chat on the rug.
Pink Ribbons, Inc. –– Charity bawl.
Like Water –– All wet.
Sexual Chronicles of a French Family –– Eww-la-la.
Men in Black III –– J, K growling.
Moonrise Kingdom –– Boy scout's cookie.
Chernobyl Diaries –– Nyuklear disaster.
Battle Royale 3D –– A Royale pain.
The Intouchables –– Spinal pap.
Oslo August 31st –– Oslo death.
Arjun the Warrior Prince –– Arjun you glad you missed this?
Cowgirls n’ Angels –– Rodeo clowns.
The Dictator –– Such a barren Cohen.
Battleship –– Alien fisher.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting –– This to bite.
Hysteria –– Dildoh!
Elena –– Crimea and punishment.
Virginia –– Ham.
The Samaritan –– Not good.
Never Stand Still –– Antsy depressant.
Polisse –– Brutality.
Mansome –– Junk male.
Lovely Molly –– Mollycurdled.
American Animal –– Terminally nil.
Indie Game: The Movie –– Pixel hollow.
Dark Shadows –– The kiss of Depp.
God Bless America –– And damn this film.
Girl in Progress –– Sham Mendes.
Hick –– Drop the H.
Where Do We Go Now? –– The discount bin.
Tonight You’re Mine –– Off the cuffed.
The Cup –– Of gruel.
The Road –– Path over.
Sleepless Night –– A yawn.
A Bag of Hammers –– A sack of shit.
Bonsai –– Stunted growth.
Transit –– Get away.
Nobody Else But You –– Singularly stupid.
El Gringo –– El Cringe-o.
Portrait of Wally –– Schiele-shally.
Dragon Eyes –– Eyesaurs.
Under African Skies –– Simon cess.
The Avengers –– Assembly required.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel –– Imagine the worst.
Mother’s Day –– Better dead than bred.
Memorial Day –– Forget this stiff.
LOL –– Losing out loud.
A Little Bit of of Heaven –– An itsy-bitsy bit.
Meeting Evil –– Hell 'lo.
The Perfect Family –– Serial bomb.
Jesus Henry Christ –– Cutsie roles.
First Position –– It sucks. Second; the same.
Last Call at the Oasis –– Mirage counseling.
The Raven –– A Poe excuse for a movie.
Safe –– Cracked.
The Five-Year Engagement –– Service delays.
The Pirates! Band of Misfits –– The bucs stop here.
Bernie –– Weak end at Bernie.
Headhunters –– Check up their asses.
Sound of My Voice –– Makes dogs howl.
96 Minutes –– Of sheer agony.
Elles –– Stinko.
The Giant Mechanical Man –– Roboslob.
Whores’ Glory –– Prostie toot.
The Lucky One –– Missed this.
Chimpanzee –– Ape mongers.
Think Like a Man –– Dumbo sapiens.
Marley –– The big bong theory.
The Moth Diaries –– Pupa scoop.
The Eye of the Storm –– Becalmed.
To the Arctic –– The polar excess.
Darling Companion –– Dear in the headlights.
Zombie Dawn –– Zombie yawn.
Goodbye First Love –– Oy revoir!
Fightville –– Fistibuffs.
Overnight –– Overlong.
Going Down in La-La Land –– Write your own BJ joke.
The Three Stooges –– A Fine mess.
A Cabin in the Woods –– Woody haze.
Lockout –– And throw away the key.
Bad Ass –– Bad everything.
The Lady –– Burma save.
Detention –– Deficit disorder.
Blue Like Jazz –– Jazz like blew.
Monsieur Lazhar –– Lazhar pointer.
Woman Thou Art Loosed: On the 7th Day –– Loosers.
Touchback –– Worth two points.
Here –– There and nowhere.
L!fe Happens –– Sh!t, too.
Deadline –– Dudline.
Late Bloomers –– Grey anatomy.
How to Grow a Band –– Start with moldy bread.
American Reunion –– Banana creamed pie.
The Hunter –– And pecker.
Titanic (in 3D) –– Cameronic.
ATM –– Overdrawn.
Damsels in Distress –– Babes in Doy!land.
The Assault –– On my senses.
We Have a Pope –– Pope-a-dope.
Surviving Progress –– Seeking regress.
Keyhole –– Schlock picker.
We the Party –– Potty favors.
In Search of Haydn –– Haydn in plain sight.
Mirror Mirror –– Who's the feyest of them all?
Wrath of the Titans –- Clashless.
Goon –– Squat.
Bully –– Wooly.
Intruders –– Keep out!
Womb –– Cervix.
Turn Me On, Dammit! –– Turn it off, dammit!
I Kissed a Vampire –– Blunder buss.
Four Lovers –– Quad of spit.
Love in the Buff –– Bare minimum.
The Beat Hotel –– Outer Burroughs.
God Save My Shoes –– Pump and circumstance.
The Island President –– Mal dives.
The Hunger Games –– From hunger.
The Raid: Redemption –– Kills bums dead.
The Deep Blue Sea –– Kitschy sink drama.
October Baby –– Prole-life.
All In: The Poker Movie –– Douches wild.
4:44 Last Day on Earth –– The finishing tush.
The Trouble With Bliss –– Bliss krieg.
Brake –– For animals.
Losing Control –– Soiled science.
Musical Chairs –– Wheelchair boned.
Take Me Home –– Before it starts.
21 Jump Street –– Yellow school bust.
Casa De Mi Padre –– Casa blanker.
Jeff, Who Lives at Home –– Jeff bitches.
Detachment –– Break it off.
The Kid With a Bike –– Holey roller.
Delicacy –– Unpalatable.
Natural Selection –– Survival of the shit test.
Around June –– Hangs a cloud of despair.
The FP –– Fairly Pathetic.
Pray For Japan –– Hai comedy.
John Carter –– Martian loser king.
A Thousand Words –– What this picture is not worth.
Silent House –– Except for the snores in the back row.
Friends With Kids –– Breed contempt.
Footnote –– Asterisk management.
Seeking Justice –– Nyuk Cage.
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen –– Sheikh your buoy.
Jiro Dreams of Sushi –– A cold fish.
The Decoy Bride –– Deke head.
Playback –– On VHS.
Bending the Rules –– Breaking the winds.
Attenberg –– Greece monkeys.
The Lorax –– Seuss and desist.
Project X –– Degeneration X.
Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie –– Bil barely.
Being Flynn –– DeNiro fiddled.
Let the Bullets Fly –– Sluggish.
The Salt of Life –– Grain drain.
Black Butterflies –– Flutter nutter.
Boy –– Oh boy!
Heist: Who Stole The American Dream –– Bull market.
This Is Not a Film –– I want to see.
Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds –– Do not include this.
Act of Valor –– Naivety SEALs.
Wanderlust –– Rudd rover.
Gone –– And forgotten.
Tomorrow, When the War Began –– Combat tropes.
The Forgiveness of Blood –– Gall in the family.
The Fairy –– Stinkerbelle.
Around June –– June bugs.
Neon Flesh –– Chicken brothel. Michael –– Pedophile folder.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance –– Frail blazer.
This Means War –– Offensive.
The Secret World of Arrietty –– Midget erasers.
Bullhead –– Roid blunt.
Deep in the Heart –– Ventricle down theory.
Thin Ice –– Frigid dare.
On the Ice –– And still rancid.
The Forgotten Space –– Between the director's ears.
Jess + Moss –– Mess + jaws.
Putin’s Kiss –– Vladdy gaga.
Cirkus Columbia –– Cirkus stunt.
Dorothy and the Witches of Oz –– A total Baum.
Undefeated –– World chumps.
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island –– Hey, Verne, it's earnest!
The Vow –– Swear off.
Safe House –– Refugeniks.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace in 3D –– Jar Jar boinks.
In Darkness –– Murky murk.
The Turin Horse –– Nietzsche marketing.
Return –– To sender.
Private Romeo –– Smarmy rank.
Kung Fu Joe –– Chock sloppy.
The Dish & The Spoon –– Fork get it.
The Woman in Black –– Ghost nowhere.
Big Miracle –– Blubbery.
Chronicle –– Super Fluous.
The Inn Keepers –– Bed and bored.
Kill List –– Listless.
Windfall –– Gust-busting.
Splinters –– The sliver surfer.
Bad Fever –– Low-grade.
One for the Money –– Two for the shrew.
The Grey –– Poop on.
Man on a Ledge –– Silly.
The Wicker Tree –– Wickerleaks.
The Theatre Bizarre –– Kooky cutter.
Declaration of War –– Numb de guerre.
An Inconsistent Truth –– More hot air.
Five Time Champion –– In pocket pinball.
After Fall, Winter –– After film, vomit.
How Much Does Your Building Weigh, Mr. Foster? –– Like, a ton of bricks?
Underworld Awakening –– For fangboys only.
Haywire –– Oh MMA God!
Red Tails –– Tails from the cribbed.
Miss Bala –– Bala hooey.
The Red Machine –– Nippon ring.
Ultrasuede: In Search of Halston –– Fabriculous!
Carol Channing: Larger Than Life –– Channing tedium.
The Viral Factor –– Sickening.
Watching TV with the Red Chinese –– On Commiecast.
Scalene –– The heights of absurdity.
Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos –– Whoremanga.
Crazy Horse –– Cul de sex.
Beauty and the Beast 3D –– Belle of the balls.
Contraband –– Bootleg licker.
Joyful Noise –– Of a whoopie cushion.
The Divide –– Split peace.
Sing Your Song –– Day-o the dead.
Man on a Mission –– Waste of space.
Don't Go in th Woods –– Use the port-a-potty.
Lula: Son of Brazil –– Hi-yo da Silva!
Albatross –– It just hangs there.

The Iron Lady –– Number 10 Downing Streep.
The Devil Inside –– The Exhausist.
Norwegian Wood –– Not.
Beneath the Darkness –– Is an ocean of dimness.
Once Upon a Time in Anatolia –– Snuffed Turkey.
Pom Poko –– Plumb loko.
Roadie –– Oh!
John Mellencamp: It's About You –– Jack and dyin'.
Chico & Rita –– Chico and the mange.
A Separation –– From reality.
Angels Crest –– Fallen.
Pariah –– Caste out.

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E. Basil St. Blaise