CINEMA 2014

Click images to enlarge
Big Eyes –– Preachy Keane.
Into the Woods
–– Grimmshots.
The Interview –– Kim junk ewin'!
Unbroken –– POW woe.
American Sniper –– Turkey shoots.
The Gambler –– Ooze and odds.
Two Days, One Night –– Weakened update.
Selma –– King done come.
A Most Violent Year –– Annumosity.
Ode to My Father –– Ode: da pain!
Love on the Cloud –– Cloud at loss.
Cut! –– That's a-crap.
The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death –– Inky shuffle.
L'il Quinquin –– Can, can.
The Search for General Tso –– Tso-tso.


The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies –– Tolkein resistance.
Annie –– Lummox.
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb –– Crypt creeper.
Mr. Turner –– Paint expressions.
Goodbye to All That –– To da loo.
If You Don’t, I Will –– Don’t you dare.
Winter Sleep –– Wake me in April.
Sagrada: The Mystery of Creation –– Lawdy, miss Gaudi.
Ask Me Anything –– Why do you suck?
Song of the Sea –– Selkie puddy.
A Small Section of the World ––Where this is playing.
The Truth About You –– Deep dork secrets.
Inside the Mind of Leonardo –– Genius grunt.
Exodus; Gods and Kings –– Go down, Moses.
Inherent Vice –– Pynchon putz.
Top Five –– Shit list.
The Captive –– Chained reaction.
Miss Julie –– Suicide packed.
Jingle Bell Rocks –– Sleigh me now.
Mentor -– Cases.
Lily –– Livered.
Magician: The Astonishing Life and Death of Orson Welles –– Welles-hidden.
The Color of Time –– Secs offender.
R100 –– Dom and dumber.
After the Fall –– Like a bad trip.
Expelled –– Through the anus.
Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks –– Dancing on err.
Free the Nipple –– Titters.
Maidan –– Lame.
Little Feet –– Lost soles.
We Are the Giant –– Big deal.
Wild –– Bitch hiker.
Still Alice –– Unfortunately.
Life Partners –– Lady pards.
Dying of the Light –– And the laughter.
By the Gun –– Barrel of laughs.
Murder of a Cat –– Shot puss.
Comet –– Modesty blaze.
La Bête –– Not a safe Bête.
Zero Motivation –– To see this.
Concerning Violence –– Bang up job.
Skating to New York –– Blade to rest.
Lap Dance –– Stranger, then friction.
Take Care –– Lost, caution.
Tell –– Steal dumb.
The Pyramid –– Pointy-headed.
The Barefoot Artist –– Toe jam.
She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry –– Then she must be pretty chill.
Pioneer –– Deep sucks.
The Foxy Merkins –– Hairpiece virus.
40 Weeks –– A bum in the oven.
The One I Wrote For You –– On the bathroom wall.
The Imitation Game –– Genius bah!
Horrible Bosses 2 –– Employeeks!
The Penguins of Madagascar –– Never takes off.
Women Who Flirt –– With disaster.
The Babadook –– Babadookie.
Before I Disappear –– From this theater.
Antarctica: A Year on Ice –– Memories of tundra development.
Aftermath –– Over and ouch!
The Immortalists –– Live long and preposterous.
The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness –– Behind anime lines.
Touch the Wall –– Hit it, actually.
Uzumasa Limelight –– Who’s yo massa?
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 –– Pan 'em.
Happy Valley –– Pig Penn.
The Sleepwalker –– Scumnambulist.
V/H/S:Viral –– Badder max.
Extraterrestrial –– Stellar dullards.
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night –– Fall of the Persian vampire.
Reach Me –– Touch off.
The Mule –– Drag ass.
Food Chains –– Rotten tomatoes.
The King and the Mockingbird –– Hard caw.
Pulp: A Film About Life, Death & Supermarkets –– Sick, pulpy.
Monk With a Camera –– And so, Tibet.
Miss Tibet: Beauty in Exile –– Miss Tibet.
Hard Sun –– Glaring mistake.
Bad Hair –– Worst-kempt secret.
Late Phases –– Small Phases.
Dumb and Dumber To –– Dumb star diving.
Foxcatcher –– WrestleManiac.
The Homesman –– Derange rover.
Rosewater –– Iran deficiency.
Beyond the Lights –– In the dark.
This May Be The Last Time –– One can hope.
Miss Meadows –– Taught thriller.
Bad Turn Worse –– Pretty much.
Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas –– For white people.
The Circle –– Jerk.
The Toy Soldiers –– March heirs.
Penance –– Feels like it.
Beside Still Waters –– Scummy.
Matthew 18 –– Matthew: bury.
Gladiators of Rome –– Pox Romana.
Billy Elliot the Musical –– Twinkle toast.
Sands of Iwo Jima –– John wane.
Pilot Error –– Strip mistake.
Interstellar –– Starbust.
Big Hero 6 –– 6 flags.
The Theory of Everything –– Hawking and talking.
Elsa & Fred –– Senior rom.
Jessabelle –– Rissible.
Why Don't You Play in Hell? –– In the street at rush hour.
Open Windows –– Shut up.
Seasons of Love –– A blomance.
The Way He Looks –– The male gays.
Mr. Pip –– Degrade expectations.
The Better Angels –– Young mistake Lincoln.
On Any Sunday, The Next Chapter –– Hog heaven.
21 Years: Richard Linklater –– Arty Linklater.
Warsaw Uprising –– Ghetto blaster.
Muffin Top: A Love Story –– Could use trimming.
The Barefoot Bandit Documentary –– Sole brother.
Sex Ed –– Sex zed.
The Lookalike –– T’wince.
Plot for Peace –– Six feet under.
Nightcrawler –– News junky.
Horns –– Evils and butthead.
Before I Go to Sleep –– At 10 minute mark.
Goodbye to Language –– Waiting for Godard…to shut up.
Saw –– Unfortunately, I did.
ABCs of Death 2 –– Basic draining.
Penance –– Unforgivable.
Private Peaceful –– Private ickity.
Point and Shoot –– And miss.
Showrunners: The Art of Running a TV Show –– Serial killers.
Magical Universe –– Barbie bent on.
Blood Ransom –– Pass the platelet.
The Great Invisible -– Great when invisible.
Missionary –– Mormon baits.
Revenge of the Mekons –– Mekon mild.
Braddock America –– PA system.
John Wick –– Wick, he leaks.
Ouija –– Board to death.
Laggies –– Fools behind.
White Bird in a Blizzard –– I just don't see it.
Force Majeure –– Farce mineur.
Citizen Four –– The Abominable Snowden.
Stonehearst Asylum –– Lunatic cringe.
23 Blast –– A defensive blindman.
1,000 Times Good Night –– Can’t wait for the ZzzQuil.
Revenge of the Green Dragons –– Scale rages.
Rhymes for Young Ghouls –– Fools, tools.
The Heart Machine –– Cardiac unrest.
Low Down –– Jazz bono.
Glen Campbell … I’ll Be Me –– Campbell scoop.
The Taking of Deborah Logan –– Logan’s runt.
Life of Riley –– Blah Blah o’Riley.
Botso –– Georgian draggin'.
E-Team –– Emergency ruin.
The Amazing Wizard of Paws –– A paw excuse.
Two-Bit Waltz –– Give no quarter.
Tiger Lily Road –– What's down: Tiger Lily.
Mystic Blade –– Head slice.
The Search for Simon –– Simple Simon.
Birdman –– Avian fluke.
Fury –– Tanks.
Felony –– Charge topper.
The Book of Life –– Dia de los Mierdas.
The Best of Me –– Is on the cutting room floor.
The Tale of Princess Kaguya –– Ghibli jabber.
Dear White People –– Honky dory.
Housebound –– Shut-in impact.
Rudderless –– Drift would.
Listen Up Philip –– Phil in the blank.
Diplomacy –– Blaster of Paris.
Young Ones –– Should avert their eyes.
The Town That Dreaded Sundown –– Scarry scarry night.
Watchers of the Sky –– Genocide show.
The Golden Era –– Shiny takeout.
Summer of Blood –– Mine boiled.
Default –– Is your own.
Camp X-Ray –– You'll see right through it.
The Hacker Wars –– By and for hacks.
Mudbloods –– Quidditch while you’re ahead.
Algorithms –– Yes, that exciting.
The Judge –– Downey softener.
Dracula Untold –– Gore text.
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day –– All of the above.
St. Vincent –– Murray pariah.
Whiplash –– Humdrums.
Addicted –– Left hooked.
The List –– Of the shit variety.
Automata –– Whatsamatta?
One Chance –– And they blew it.
Haunted State: Whispers from History –– My murmur done told me.
Kill the Messenger -– If he delivered this script.
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead –– Broken blizzard.
Kite –– Drifty.
Meet the Mormons –– Converts’ sneakers.
The Diappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Her/Him –– She/It.
You’re Not You –– Me neither.
The Overnighters –– A couple of bags.
The Canal –– Alimentary.
The Houses October Built –– Oct. du lieber!
The Pact II –– Fanny Pact.
I Am Ali –– Cavalier and Clay.
Awake: The Life of Yogananda –– Swami dearest.
Catch Hell –– Scold case.
Christian Mingle The Movie –– Mingle belles.
#Stuck –– #Suck.
Gone Girl –– Bye curious.
Men, Women & Children –– Everyone hates it.
Annabelle – Leak.
Left Behind –– No, the head’s still up there.
The Good Lie –– Fib tickler.
Last Hijack –– Jacked off.
The Liberator –– Bolívar watch.
For Those In Peril –– Peril jam.
Harmontown –– Dan ugghler.
16 Stones –– Christian rocks.
The Decent One –– Heinie Himmler.
Nas –– Drovia!
A Good Marriage –– Wed lox.
Drive Hard –– Pedal to the meddle.
La Chambre Bleue –– Bleue cheese.
Copenhagen –– The Dane curse.
Inner Demons –– Hooked worms.
The Culture High –– Blunt trauma.
The Equalizer –– On an even kill.
The Boxtrolls –– Troll la-la land.
The Two Faces of January –– I wanted to slap both.
Jimi: All Is By My Side –– Jimi crap corn.
Two Night Stand –– You’ll sleep over.
Good People –– Does bad things.
Lilting –– Southeast Gaysian.
Plastic –– Credit snore.
The Song –– Refrain.
Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart –– Tick tock is cheap.
Believe Me –– Honest to clod.
Advanced Style –– Without substance.
Days and Nights –– Seagull droppings.
Darker Than Night –– Ebon flow.
Field of Lost Shoes –– Island of lost soles.
Asmodexia –– Demon seedy.
Bridge and Tunnel –– Crossings off my list.
Hellaware –– Lame retardant.
The Little Room –– Chamber plot.
The Maze Runner –– A maze in disgrace.
The Guest –– Overstays welcome.
This Is Where I Leave You –– Abandon all dopes.
A Walk Among the Tombstones –– Grave misgivings.
Tusk –– I slam the walrus.
The Zero Theorem –– Less than Zero.
Hector and the Search for Happiness –– Look elsewhere.
Space Station 76 –– Orbit gump.
20,000 Days on Earth –– Cave dweller.
The Scribbler –– Scrawl space.
Pride –– Of the yankers.
Reclaim –– Keep it!
Fort Bliss –– Ignorance is Bliss.
Art and Craft –– Forge bliss.
Keep On Keepin’ On –– Cluck Terry.
Pump –– Runs dry.
Swim Little Fish Swim –– In the toilet before flushing.
Mine Games –– Connect the duds.
Justice is Mind –– Mind shaft.
Detained in the Desert –– Sand castled.
Wheels –– Ham spun.
A Life in Dirty Movies –– Porn of no return.
Stop the Pounding Heart –– Arrest record.
Autumn Blood –– October supplies.
It Was You Charlie –– It couldn’t have been a contender.
The Skeleton Twins –– Have a bone to pick.
No Good Deed –– Goes unnoticed.
The Drop –– Of the jaw.
Dolphin Tale 2 –– Lacks porpoise.
Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? –– I shrug, too.
The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby –– Ah, look at all the lonely patrons.
My Old Lady –– Tenant's match.
Duran Duran: Unstaged –– An endurandurance test.
Born to Fly –– Wings it.
Honeymoon –– Married with chill dread.
At the Devil’s Door –– Use the Beelzebuzzer.
I Am Eleven –– And I diwected this movie.
Finding Fanny –– Just reach behind you.
Bird People –– Twitter feat.
Take Me to the River –– Drowned number.
Smiling Through the Apocalypse: Esquire in the 60s –– Mag and cheese.
The Quitter –– Not soon enough.
The Frontier –– Border folly.
108 Stitches –– It’s that laughable.
Believe –– Or not.
Sagrada: The Mystery of Creation –– Gaudi doody.
Archaeology of a Woman –– She’s in ruins.
Stray Dogs –– Whelp, what do you expect?
The Longest Week –– Doze were the days.
Innocence –– Pure nonsense.
The Identical –– Twin bads.
Thunder and the House of Magic –– Has the clap.
God Help the Girl –– And the audience.
The Remaining –– The dregs.
Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It –– Hitch cocks.
Frontera –– Frontiers for fears.
Wetlands –– Drips and drab.
Kelly & Cal –– Cal tetched.
Last Days in Vietnam –– Mess Saigon.
Holy Ghost –– Spirit err.
No No: A Dockumentary –– Dock strikes.
Memphis –– Tenn. commandments.
Rocks in my Pockets –– And your head.
The November Man –– Spy kids.
Starred Up –– Starred-stop.
As Above/So Below –– Sooo below.
The Congress –– Lame-duck session.
Life of Crime –– Potty larceny.
The Calling –– A lower Calling.
The Last of Robin Hood –– Err, ol’ Flynn.
Jamie Marks Is Dead –– Zippo Marks.
The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears –– Weeping wallow.
Cantinflas –– Ho-ho-hombre.
The Damned –– If I do.
Last Weekend –– Lost Weekend.
The Notebook –– The trouble with scribbles.
The Naked Room –– Bare trap.
Kundo: Age of the Rampant –– Kundo leanly.
Canopy –– Run for cover.
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For –– Doxy moronic.
If I Stay –– You go, girl.
When the Game Stands Tall –– Streak hustle.
Are You Here –– Unfortunately.
Love Is Strange –– Humpy old men.
The One I Love –– The two I hate.
The Prince –– Of the shitty.
To Be Takei –– George tacky.
14 Blades –– A swordsman's whet dream.
Metro Manila
–– Luzon it.
Kink –– Leer.
Salvo –– Shot putz.
May in the Summer –– Mayday!
Leprechaun: Origins –– Erin on the side of caution.
Winter in the Blood –– Indian tripe.
The Possession of Michael King –– Shock King.
The Expeditiion to the End of the World –– And my patience.
The Olivia Experiment –– Olivia mild.
Jersey Shore Massacre –– Guidette-ridden.
The Expendables 3 –– Old war whores.
The Giver –– Of headaches.
Frank –– Head case.
The Trip to Italy –– They tour it up.
Let’s Be Cops –– From badge to worse.
Life After Beth –– Beth bye.
H2mexicO –– Agua culture.
Dinosaur 13 –– Scaly movie.
Jealousy –– Not of this.
Ragnarok –– Ignorse it.
Coldwater –– Flat.
Found –– Lost.
Septic Man –– Sewerhead.
Level Five –– Of 100.
Fort McCoy –– The unreal McCoy.
Jake Squared –– Square rut.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles –– Shell-schlock.
Into the Storm –– Tempest in a pee pot.
Step Up: All In –– Goosey steps.
The Hundred-Foot Journey ––To le WC.
What If –– We just stay home?
About Alex –– Alex smack.
James Cameroon’s Deepsea Challenge 3D –– Voyage to the Bottom of the Ego.
The Green Prince –– Doubting Hamas.
The Dog –– Dog duh afternoon.
After –– Birth.
The Maid’s Room –– Chamber piece.
Keep On Keepin’ On –– Cluck Terry.
What Now? Remind Me –– Leave in the first 10 minutes.
Fifi Howls From Happiness –– Fifi fo fum.
Slugterra: Return of the Elementals –– Slimy.
Guardians of the Galaxy –– Guardian-variety.
Get On Up –– Little Brown and company.
Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero –– Cabin Fever still loses.
The Strange Little Cat –– Puss to talk.
Calvary –– Pastor prime.
Behaving Badly –– Acting worse.
Child of God –– Mumblecormac McCarthy.
Rich Hill –– Of beans.
Around the Block –– And the bend.
War Story –– Combatty.
4 Minute Mile –– Run, run, sure.
Finding Fela! –– Most happy Fela.
Louder Than Words –– Shaddup!
The Almost Man –– The nearly movie.
Amber Alert: Terror on the Highway –– Abduct tape.
Hercules –– God awful.
And So It Goes –– Peevish and butthead.
Magic in the Moonlight –– Prestiregurgitation.
Lucy –– Goosey.
A Most Wanted Man –– Dustbin Hoffman.
The Fluffy Movie –– Fluffy nutter.
Happy Christmas –– Seasonal invective disorder.
Very Good Girls –– Angels and demeans.
14 Blades –– All dull.
The Kill Team –– Soldiers of misfortune.
My Man Is a Loser –– He directed this.
Cannibal –– Chews between two people.
Beneath –– Contempt.
Come Back to Me –– Rebound to disappoint.
Ironclad: Battle for Blood –– Kill or be Celt.
A Letter to Momo –– Lessless.
A Master Builder –– Shawn of the dead.
Sex Tape –– Premature ejectulation.
Planes: Fire And Rescue –– Just fire.
The Purge: Anarchy –– Emetic aid.
Wish I Was Here –– Braff pit.
Video Games: The Movie –– Joyless shtick.
Fanny –– Pack.
Mood Indigo –– Indigo go.
I Origins –– I phony.
Persecuted –– Justifiably so.
Alive Inside A Story of Music and Memory –– Fuhgeddaboutit.
A Five Star Life –– A one star movie.
Among Ravens –– Raven lunatics.
K Missing Kings –– K finding rap.
An American in Hollywood –– The Hollywood heels.
Double Play: James Benning And Richard Linklater –– They’re both out.

TOP

OSCAR iSUCK 2014

Best Picture Nominees:

American Hustle –– Flabscam.
Captain Phillips
–– Hot Somalis.
Dallas Buyers Club
–– AIDS and abets.
Gravity
–– A drag.
Her
–– To Siri With Love.
Nebraska
–– Dern tootin’.
Philomena
–– Misplaced youth.
12 Years a Slave
–– Low yield bonds.
The Wolf of Wall Street
–– Howl to succeed in business.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes –– Monkey seize monkey doo.
Boyhood –– Qué-12?
Rage –– Angers away.
A Long Way Down –– But they reached bottom.
Road to Paloma –– Paloma pick asshole.
Land Ho! –– She works cruises, too.
Made in America –– Jay-Zzzzzz.
Affluenza –– Buggy rich.
Honour –– There's the rub out.
The Empty Hours –– Start with these 100 minutes.
As It Is In Heaven –– Sects thing.
The Perfect Wave –– Curls on film.
The Class of ’92 –– Goal minders.
Closed Curtain –– If only it were.
Tammy –– Slob sister.
Earth to Echo –– Repetitive stress syndrome.
Deliver Us from Evil –– And this.
Premature –– Too soon.
School Dance –– Semen mixer.
America –– U.S. noose.
Life Itself –– Ebert's beast.
Wrinkles –– Gray panters.
Me and You –– Us weakly.
Beyond the Edge –– Mountain douche.
Marius –– Bar belle.
Heatstroke –– Flush away.
Cinemanovels –– A niche slapper.
Transformers: Age of Extinction –– Roboglop.
Snowpiercer –– Flurry critters.
Begin Again –– Redoo.
They Came Together –– After which the sex stunk.
Archipelago –– Isle be darned.
La Bare –– Bare naked laddies.
Yves Saint Laurent –– Why SL?
The Internet’s Own Boy: The Story of Aaron Swartz –– Aaron harangue.
Postman Pat : The Movie –– Male fraud.
The Pleasures Of Being Out Of Step –– Nad Hentoff.
Bound By Flesh –– Joined pain.
Drones –– On and on.
Nothing Bad Can Happen –– If you don’t go.
Radio Free Albemuth –– Album mush.
Whitey: United States of America v. James J. Bulger –– Tidy Whitey.
Jersey Boys –– Piques and Valli.
Think Like a Man Too –– Brain farce.
Venus in Furs –– Mockee de Sade.
Third Person –– Not singular.
Coherence –– I knew something was missing.
A Summer’s Tale –– Été-otic.
Exhibition –– Flashing blights.
Norte, the End of History –– Norte bits.
The Moment –– Passes musty.
No Tears for the Dead –– Tear ducks.
The Last Sentence –– Sweden lowdown.
Blood Soaked –– Red sucks.
Angry White Man –– A Limbaugh biopic?
How to Train Your Dragon 2 –– Play dead.
22 Jump Street –– Jump the snark.
Witching and Bitching –– Boner hex.
The Rover –– Roll over.
The Signal –– Busy.
Hellion –– Holey terror.
Lullaby –– Sleep sliding away.
All Cheerleaders Die –– Blue cheer.
Burning Bush –– Like chlamidya.
A Coffee in Berlin –– Cafe oy vey.
Ivory Tower –– Who needs U.?
The Human Race –– Dead heat.
The Amazing Catfish –– Off the hook.
Policeman –– Will you be my nabber?
Violette –– Stinking Violette.
Life’s a Breeze –– Drool Breeze.
I Am A –– Loser.
Edge of Tomorrow –– Repeat after meh.
The Fault in Our Stars –– Lunk cancer.
Obvious Child –– Obvious everything.
Willow Creek –– Pussy Willow.
Trust Me –– To disappoint.
The Sacrament –– The excrement.
Borgman –– Bore, man.
Anna –– Bollix.
Ping Pong Summer –– Paddle pushers.
Rigor Mortis –- Extremely stiff.
Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon –– Sinking Shep.
I’ll Follow You Down –– Time travail.
Citizen Koch –– Koch zero.
Burning Blue –– Navy jest pilots.
Dormant Beauty –– Sleep depravation.
Burt’s Buzz –– Bees' wacks.
The Case Against 8 –– Prop hate.
Test –– Ass-ed Test.
Maleficent –– A sticky Wicked.
A Million Ways to Die in the West –– One way to die at the box office.
Filth –– Scum baggage.
Night Moves –– Eek-o disaster.
We Are the Best! –– Feigned praise.
Age of Uprising: The Legend of Michael Kohlhass –– A Kohlhassal bore.
The Grand Seduction –– Come-on now!
Lucky Them –– They missed this.
Delivery: The Beast Within –– Pregnant paws.
Korengal –– Afghan a stain.
The Big Ask –– Don’t.
Elena –– A lamer.
Before You Know It –– You’re asleep.
Emoticon ;) –– :-(
The Odd Way Home –– A route vegetable.
Tapped Out –– From tap to bottom.
X-Men: Days of Future Past –– X past facto.
Blended –– Puree nonsense.
Tracks –– Path illogical.
Words and Pictures –– School of visual arse.
Cold in July –– Summer sniffles.
The Love Punch –– Right in the bollocks.
The Angriest Man in Brooklyn –– He hates hipsters.
Lila, Lila –– Pants on fire.
The Dance of Reality –– A True-step.
Stand Clear of the Closing Doors –– Training blah.
Gore Vidal: The United States of Amnesia –– Vidal sass soon.
The Fatal Encounter –– Meeting planter.
Grand Départ –– Adieu doo.
BB King: the Life of Riley –– BB gunk.
Godzilla –– Kaijus box.
Million Dollar Arm –– Pitch and putz.
The Immigrant –– Drudge deport.
Wolf Creek 2 –– Lupe fiasco.
Chinese Puzzle –– Riddle management.
Half of a Yellow Sun –– Sol survivor.
A Short History of Decay –– It rots.
A Night in Old Mexico –– Mealier noche.
Don Peyote –– Mescaline salad.
A People Uncounted –– The trauma o’ Roma.
The Discoverers –– Finders' feces.
SX_Tape –– SX offender.
Ai Weiwei: The Fake Case –– Ai sore.
Next Year in Jerusalem –– Alter kocker poo.
How We Got Away With It –– Gullible producers.
Neighbors –– Frat bastards.
Chef –– Boyardick.
The Double –– Dual to the death.
Palo Alto –– Skeevy suburban.
Mom’s Night Out –– On Oxycontin.
Devil’s Knot –– Knot for nothing.
Fed Up –– The Obese awards.
God’s Pocket –– It’s empty.
Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return –– Oz dragging.
The Wedding Video –– Erase relations.
Stage Fright –– Fear and loafing.
Before the Winter Chill –– Chill lax.
DamNation –– Dam silly.
Chapman –– Cheap, man.
App –– Alling.
Broken –– Outta repair.
Breastmilk –– Tête–à–tit.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 –– WebMT.
Walk of Shame –– From the box office to your seat.
Belle –– Lavs.
The Protector 2 –– Thai wracked.
The Bachelor Weekend –– Stag potty.
Ida –– Nun-conformist.
Bad Johnson –– Ball baring.
Decoding Annie Parker –– Down Parker.
Beneath the Harvest Sky –– Reapo man.
Whitewash –– Snow job.
Mr. Jones –– Chuck Jones.
Water & Power –– An exercise in utility.
Blood Glacier –– Red ice flight.
The M Word –– The menopause that refreshes.
NOW: In the Wings on a World Stage –– Richard the turd.
The Other Woman –– Cheat shee-it.
The Quiet Ones –– I won't hear of it.
From the Rough –– Iron maidens.
Brick Mansions –– Blockblister.
Walking With the Enemy –– Simply treadful.
Locke –– And load.
The Machine –– AI Gee!
Blue Ruin –– Wreck and Ruin.
Last Passenger –– Trainsplodding.
For No Good Reason –– Steadman walking.
The German Doctor –– Herr brained.
Bright Days Ahead –– Adulltery.
The Girl on the Train –– Dysfunction at the junction.
Buttwhistle –– Blows it.
Grand Slammed –– Pitch focked.
The Girl and Death –– Morbidly obtuse.
Transcendence –– Transcend dunce.
A Haunted House 2 –– Hauntdog.
Bears –– A grudge.
Fading Gigolo –– Fraud escort.
Make Your Move –– To the exit.
13 Sins –– Sins and outs.
Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It –– Cracked weed.
Authors Anonymous –– No one wants a credit on this.
Gabrielle –– rit.
Tasting Menu –– Appetizer coarse.
Small Time –– Microscopic.
The Demon Within –– Inner skankdom.
Proxy –– Moron.
The Final Member –– Last dicks effort.
Kid Cannabis –– Stinks up the joint.
Redwood Highway –– Deadwood.
Draft Day –– Draft dodgy.
Rio 2 –– Brazilian wacks.
Oculus –– Rid-Oculus.
The Railway Man –– The ham depot.
Only Lovers Left Alive –– Jim charm mush.
Perfect Sisters –– Sissy, space chick.
Unthinkable –– Don’t even think about it.
Joe –– Blows.
Cuban Fury –– Salsa fiasco.
Hateship Loveship –– Sunkship.
Hank and Asha –– Hank kook tires.
The King of Escape –– Get outta here!
Jesus People –– Jesus, people!
Dancing In Jaffa –– Mutt and Jaffa.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier –– Cap and clown.
Under the Skin –– Schlub-dermal.
Dom Hemingway –– Down by Law.
Alan Partridge –– Jerky Coogan.
Nymphomaniac: Volume 2 –– Sloppy seconds.
In the Blood –– Plasma suite.
Afflicted –– Sick and tired.
Frankie & Alice –– Frankie, I don’t give a damn.
Island of Lemurs: Madagascar –– Lemur, PU.
Goodbye World –– Cruel World.
The Borderlands –– Borderland personality disorder.
Alien Abduction –– Take ‘em.
Stripped –– Decease comics.
Being Ginger –– Red-headed, stranger.
Ilo Ilo –– Singapore sting.
The Retrieval –– Lost.
10 Rules for Sleeping Around –– I was sleeping around the 20 minute mark.

Noah –– Noah’s Arghh!
Sabotage –– Arnold bomber.
The Raid 2 –– Second-raid.
Monster High: Frights, Camera, Action! –– Monster low.
Breathe In –– The stale air.
Cesar Chavez –– Chavez ravine.
Mistaken for Strangers –– Strangers on a drain.
Hide Your Smiling Faces –– This will make it easy.
Boys of Abu Ghraib –– Beat my guest.
No God, No Master –– No go.
Refuge –– Refuse.
Locker 13 –– Key waste.


Muppets Most Wanted –– Felt bad.
Divergent –– Other nonsense.
Nymphomaniac: Volume 1–– The erector set.
Anita –– Hill of beans.
God’s Not Dead –– He’s just sleeping through this.
The Missing Picture –– Missing accomplished.
Cheap Thrills –– Bargain abasement.
Blood Ties –– Sang-fraud.
Finding Vivian Maier –– Schmuck and Maier.
Rob the Mob –– Fleece bites.
A Birder’s Guide To Everything –– Tweet thins.
McCanick –– Cull.
Miele –– Honey don’t.
It Felt Like Love –– Peter fondle.
50 to 1 –– Long since shot.
Maladies –– Sicks of one.
The French Minister –– Diplomatic corpse.
Stay –– Away.
John Doe: Vigilante –– John D’oh.
Awakened –– A snooze.
Just a Sigh –– Small sighs.

Need for Speed –– Tires.
The Single Moms Club –– Divorced from reality.
Veronica Mars –– Mars I pan.
Enemy –– Its own worst.
Bad Words –– Eff that.
Le Week-End –– Speed dimanche.
The Art of the Steal –– Heists and lows.
Patrick: Evil Awakens –– Patrick stewpid.
The Right Kind of Wrong –– Just wrong.
Teenage –– Wasteland.
Better Living Through Chemistry –– Dopey.
U Want Me 2 Kill Him? –– Urself.
On My Way –– Out.
The Den –– Of in ickity.
300: Rise of an Empire –– Greece ball.
The Grand Budapest Hotel –– Lobby cards.
Mr. Peabody & Sherman –– Needs fixing.
In Fear –– Terrorble.
Grand Piano –– Trill kill.
Jodorowsky’s Dune –– Crank Herbert.
Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons –– Demons cede.
The Face of Love –– Mug whomp.
Special ID –– Leaky proof.
Bethlehem –– Steel yourself.
Awful Nice –– Minus the nice.
War of the Worlds: Goliath –– Giant waste.
Honey –– doo.
Missing William –– We’re not.
The Activist –– Rally crap.
Sparks –– Ain't recreation.
A Farewell to Fools –– They’re still here.
Tabloid Truth –– Rag dull.
Non-Stop –– Plane and simple.
Son of God –– God awful.
Stalingrad –– Siege heil.
The Bag Man –- Bag of boners.
Anchorman 2: Super-sized R-rated Version –– Ranker man.
Odd Thomas –– Thomas dull be.
Repentance –– Unforgivable.
The Lunchbox –– Pack it in.
Bottled Up –– Stick a cork in it.
HairBrained –– Fuzzy thinking.
Chlorine –– Dirty pool.
Fatal Assistance –– Haiti-sixed.
Showing Up –– Throwing up.
Pompeii –– Lava boy.
3 Days to Kill –– 102 minutes to kill.
In Secret –– Raquin ruin.
Black Out –– Senseless violence.
Omar –– Little.
Barefoot –– Corny.
Child’s Pose –– Pouter outage.
Elaine Stritch… Shoot Me –– Full of demerol.
Angels in Stardust –– Stardust mammaries.
Holy Ghost People –– Believer cleaver.
RoboCop –– Tech’s mechs.
Winter’s Tale –– Frost entry.
About Last Night –– Shtup making sense.
Endless Love –– Ernest & young.
Adult World –– Erratica.
The Returned –– Because it was defective.
Jimmy P. –– P. doody.
The New Black –– Best bi.
Girl On a Bicycle –– Cycle sister.
Lucky Bastard –– You missed this.
Date and Switch –– Virgin immobile.
Easy Money: Hard to Kill –– Like a cockroach.
Down and Dangerous –– Bottom douleur.
The Monuments Men –– Muster of fine arts.
The Lego Movie –– Let go.
Vampire Academy –– Dental school.
A Fantastic Fear of Everything –– Scared straight to video.
After the Dark –– Doof nukem.
Cavemen –– Cro magnum opus.
A Field in England –– Field and scream.
Welcome to the Jungle –– Tropic blunder.
Nurse 3-D –– Neofatal.
Someone Marry Barry –– Hubba-hubby.
The Pretty One –– Pretty poison.
Kids for Cash –– Small change.
7 Boxes –– All ticked off.
The Last of the Unjust –– Unjust a minute!
Love & Air Sex –– Ready faux love.
The Outsider –– And stay out!
The Attorney –– Laws leader.
Demi-Soeur –– Semi-dour.
Art Machine –– Racked with paint.
Not For Human Consumption –– But invertebrates might like it.
That Awkward Moment –- Stretched to 94 minutes.
Tim’s Vermeer –– Oil change.
At Middleton –– Muddled on.
12 O’Clock Boys –– Noon committal.
Best Night Ever –– For masochists.
Brightest Star –– Twinkle toast.
The Wait –– Is so over.
Somewhere Slow –– Like inside the screenwriter’s head.
Hank –– Pat Paulson.
Armistice –– I surrender.
Love Is In The Air –– Along with a funny smell.
California Scheming –– Malibu boo.
The Tightrope –– Our Mr. Brooks.
Low Down –– Smack daddy.
I, Frankenstein –– I for Idiot.
Gimme Shelter –– Gimme a break.
Gloria –– Is stiff 'un.
Enemies Closer –– But no cigar.
Stranger by the Lake –– Lake urine.
Run & Jump –– In the lake.
Visitors –– Unwelcome.
Old Goats –– Ram it.
Knights of Badassdom –– Bad as dumb.
24 Exposures –– Waste of film.
The Last Match –– Strike it.
Bolshoi Ballet –– Acid reflex.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit –– Ryan, seek rest.
Ride Along –– Drive by.
The Nut Job –– Acorn dog.
Reasonable Doubt –– Ever dense.
Devil’s Due – Doo.
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? –– Let’s stick with today.
Summer in February –– Feb fatale.
G.B.F. –– Grim bad film.
Old Goats –– Ram rot.
Life of a King –– Chess thumping.
Generation War –– Anschlusshy.
Big Bad Wolves –– Lupey.
Freezer –– Burn.
Like Father, Like Son –– Turds of a feather.
Maidentrip –– One trek pony.
The Legend of Hercules –– Herc, he jerky.
The Rocket –– Fizzles.
The Truth About Emanuel –– Emanuel: axe.
Cold Comes the Night –– Try Nyquil.
The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box –– Golden oddly.
Raze –– To the bottom.
Divorce Corp. –– Split affinitive.
The Banshee Chapter –– Screamin’ ninnies.
Free Ride –– But I had to pay.
If You Build It –– DIWhy?
Dumbbells –– Curls on film.
In Bloom –– Georgia tetched.
The Suspect –– Beneath suspicion.
Black Coffee –– Muddled.
Loves Her Gun –– Sure shot.
Return to Nuke 'Em High –– Tromatic.
Different Drummers –– Beats off.

Labor Day –– Laborious.
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones –– They all got D-.
Open Grave –– In which to lower this.
Beyond Outrage –– I was pretty pissed.
Interior. Leather Bar. –– Gaydar aid.
The Best Offer –– Low bawl.
Zombie Hamlet –– To beat or not to beat.
Dhoom 3 –– Dhoom it may concern.

Cinema
Cinema 2016
Cinema 2015

Cinema 2014
Cinema 2013
Cinema 2012
Cinema 2011
CInema 2010
Cinema 2009
Cinema 2008
Cinema 2007
Cinema 2006
Cinema 2005
Television
Theatre
Music
Literature

E. Basil St. Blaise